My boyfriend has lost interest in sex.

I'm male and around that age, and my libido is not anywhere close to when I was 20. Hopefully you were able to adjust to a lower amount of sex or you found an age-appropriate boyfriend.

im 22 and my boyfriend is 35 i feel the same as you that he has lost all interest in me we tend to fight alot about it sometimes i feel he will leave me because we argue so much sometimes the arguing becomes so much for me that i tend to drink and it dont take much for me to be drunk and being epileptic dont help much either how can i get him interested i feel worthless that something is wrong with me

Yes this is a problem for my girlfriend. We went at it quite often. Then I had 'performance' issues which caused me to become frustrated, and so I would literally just become depressed and hate myself. We didn't have sex for a month after that, and then it never recovered. the issue is a bit physical, meaning, she is very 'small' and I am for lack of a better term, 'springy' which means I must reach a high level of 'hardness' to uh 'make it happen.' it seems like I get one chance, and then some psychological thing sets it, and then (cue sound effect), but it's really not funny at all, because we both want to, but our bodies won't cooperate.

I did have some Viagra for a short period which eliminated the problem, but you can't depend on that forever. I'm 30, she's 25.

Also she's bipolar, so she goes through periods of not wanting it, and then suddenly wanting it all the time, and I've developed some kind of aversion to it, because I'm afraid of the performance failure outcome.

In addition, there is the self-image problem. I have psoriasis, which over the past year has worsened to 'sensitive' areas, and it has a devastating effect on one's feeling of attractiveness and there is no cure.

I did previously have a problem with pornography, it's easily accessible and if you become accustomed to masturbating, you will become 'asexual' and then have to slowly cross the bridge back to your partner by ridding yourself of video porn.

We both have mild depression and don't take any medication.

Another thing problem is 'overexposure'. My partner and I both work-at-home, entrepreneurial types, so i'm always here. She's almost always here. In fact, it's very rare that she's ever alone. If she leaves, she sees students. When she comes home, I'm here. When I leave for a couple of weeks and come back, we have sex like we first met. Also, my girlfriend is very touch-feely, so she's in constant contact with me, and sometimes too much physical contact dissolves the sexual tension that needs to build up for a performance.

Also, neither of us have had sex very much and quite frankly aren't very good at it.

Lastly, she complains of pain every time we do it - This is because of an existing gynecological condition which she doesn't want to get treatment for. Her vagina is very small, so it can develop yeast infection easily, and she can only tolerate sex for about five minutes. So, seeing her in pain, over a period of time kind of acted as a deterrent.

So, here you have eight detrimental factors: Male performance frustration/anger, biological impedence, skin condition, general depression, bipolar disorder, overexposure and vaginal pain.

And yet, we still manage to have sex once in a blue moon. Usually in the morning.

Sometimes men are so focused on a project or work, that sex doesn't even enter their mind. But, it doesn't mean you're any less attractive, nor does their inability to gain erection mean this, sometimes it's just a confluence of factors, and all you can do is keep trying and trying.

But definitely make sure your man cuts down on porn, or at least watch it with you, if you permit, so he doesn't leave you for his laptop.

Occasionally my girlfriend just kind of attacks me out of nowhere, and at first I resist, because I'm worried about the expectation and the cooperation required, but I'm always glad she did.

Hi Anonymous,
You are certainly not alone as you can tell. Communication is key to any issue in a relationship and speaking about this amongst each other will certainly benefit each other. Good luck.

Missie

Hey, I know exactly what you are saying! Me and my bf have been together for 2 years and im 18 and he is 20. We use to have sex all of the time,and as u said in your story, I have heard of his past sexual relationships and he can't even count how many girls he has slept with. Which means he has had many! We use to have sex like 3 or four times a day! now its like once every other month! I got use to the sex and the feeling, the lust and love. All of that made me feel so good, so loved, on top of the pleasure. I try and try to talk to him and all he says is Im tired of sex, ive had it so much i just don't want to anymore! WTF kind of stuff is that? Guys that age only think about sex! And like you I know for a face he is not cheating! We live together! I have tried everything! I tried not wanting it, ignoring him, tried turning him on, tried everything that use to. Now im stuck with masturbating! I dont do that! Never have! Now Im stuck with it! im not a hoe. I have only had sex with him and one other before i met him. But damn i feel ugly now which i know is not the cause of this! I know for a face that he is not cheating because that one time a month i do get him to have sex with me he cums within 2 minutes. So i am very sexually frustrated. Not only because i have to beg him for it, but when I do get it he cums so FAST!

I'm going through that exact situation now. My bf and I have been dating for about 5 months now and our sex life faltered after 1month. He's had a highly sexed past and is very open about it. He is very in love with me and demonstrates it regularly but he has some deep seated issue regarding sex. He is seeing a counsellor and may switch to a sex physiologist. I love him to death but I'm trying to keep a grip on reality that this may not work out. For now I help myself out and have faith that things will get better....but if they don't i know for my on personal happiness I will have to leave. It will be very painful but no relationship can last like that.

GOODLUCK, i totally know what you're going through.

This is a great statement, Tiff. I know in my life, I have noticed that when I am positive, positivity follows me. If I am miserable, it appears that the saying misery loves company seems to follow. Try and remain positive and others will follow. Good luck!
Missie

i feel the same way in the relationship im in.he doest ever do the things he used to.i just no he doest want to have sex and he only does it with me so that i dont feel bad.he dont even get into it like he used to.he barely ever touches me anymore.i just feel as if he doest care anymore and that my body just isnt good enough anymore.i understand the way you feel