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I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is about to turn 37 years old. We have been together for 2 years now, we live together and everything, have lived together for about the entire 2 years of us dating. In the begining of our relationship we had sex alot! And it was always him initiating it and he was soo affectionate and It made me feel so sexy and good about myself. I really felt like I hit the jackpot a guy that was loving affectionate very sexually interested in me. He made me feel like a princess. Now I know that he still loves me very very very much things are just different and its hard. I know things wont be in the honeymoon stage forever but we are running on about 3 weeks of no sex now and Im a very sexual person. Im sorry but I like sex and I would like it about twice a week. He is very stressed so I know that is a factor. He has some personal issues that prevent him from being very affectionate all the time. Just recently he realized how the things going on with him have been affecting me and I havent been happy and he tried ending the relationship because he felt I wasnt happy and deserved better. Im not as happy as I used to be thats true, we have things to work on but I love him and want to be with him and want to fix this. He has agreed to go to counseling and is on a waiting list to do so. So thats good I can see that he is trying but not having sex is making me feel undesirable, unattractive and just really low about myself. I know that he is stressed so I tried not to mention it or bring it up and to let him just work things out. However then it got out of hand. 3 weeks seems like a long time for me and is longer then we have ever gone before. It worries me bacause I have heard many stories about his past. He cant even count the number of sexual partners he has had. I have heard stories of him having sex with 4 different women in the same day. I understand that he is older now and his sex drive may be lowering but I just wonder. He used to obviously really like sex and even with me and now its just stopped. If I dont mention it there is no telling how long he could go without it. We have had many many conversations about it and I think he wants to change it but just cant because of stress or whatever reason. Now however when I mention it he gets a little defesive and says " you think I dont know that this is a issue, you act like I dont know that" and I tell him I know he is aware and we have discussed it before but I feel like if I dont mention it then it goes untalked about and nothing is resolved. It has come to the point were I am masterbating now, which I NEVER used to because im sexually frustrated which I dont like, it isnt satisfying really to me but I have to do something. I dont even initiate things with him anymore because I know more likely then not I will be rejected and I hate that feeling. I try and talk myself into initiating it and then I get scared and dont. I just miss the intimacy with him so much. Im just at a loss right now and would really like anyone's opinions or input on this situation. But please if your input is that he is cheating then I dont want to hear it. Not that im in denial that this could be and issue but Im just pretty positive that isnt it so dont even mention it please. I just need a little advice. Thank you.
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HAHA thought of that too!!
November 27, 2010 - 12:58pmThis Comment
lol me too!
December 30, 2010 - 12:57amThis Comment
Thank you but I have already pretty much read every thread there is on this subject and while it is good info the situations arent exactly the same to mine. I was hoping for some feedback on my specific situation. Any one that could help would be great.
April 16, 2010 - 10:06amThis Comment
I am in the same exact situation at the moment and I completely feel your pain and frustration. I am 26 and my Fiance is 39 and I just moved to South Africa with my daughter from the USA to be with him, before our sex was amazing and he couldn't get enough of me and made me feel like the sexiest woman in the world...but now we are going on 2 months since he has touched me or even tried, he says he's stressed with work and I know he is, I work at the same company and know what he deals with daily but regardless 2 months I am going crazy, beyond crazy. When I try to talk about it he says the same " i know it's an issue, don't you think I realize the issue and the more you pressure me the worse it gets". I have gotten rejected so much when it comes to sex that I feel so low about myself and it's not that I am unattractive by any means but I feel that way now because he blows me off so much now, and my made in china friend (we all know what that is) is getting really old and not satisfying me the way that he can or could for that matter and I am lost I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like a damn nun living in a convent. If your issue has bettered I could use some advice as I am so frustrated and alone feeling. I know he loves me very much without a doubt I just dont know what the issue is and why he doesn't want me. If you can offer advice I'm willing to take it, if you are still in the same boat well then good luck and I'll update you if I come across anything that works.
November 21, 2010 - 1:45pmRegards
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Dear Tiff 2010,
Thanks so much for your comment, it was really nice to hear back from someone who is going through the same thing. I really feel your pain and wow moving to South Africa for your man? Thats a big change. Im so sorry you are going through this I know how terrible of a feeling it is and how much it lowers your self esteem. After I posted this comment things had only gotten worse, at that point we were going on 3 weeks without sex and 3 weeks turned into 3 months. My boyfriend and I at this point sat down and had a talk and he told me that he figured out that he felt a little resentment towards me because b4 when we would have sex he would turn porn on, which im fine with every once in awhile but he was doing it every single time. This made me feel like he needed these girls in the porns to turn him on and that I wasnt enough so I asked him not to do it so much. He told me that subconciously he resented me for this and that I made him feel dirty or like he was doing something wrong just by doing what he likes during sex. He also told me that I was more than enough to turn him on and that wasnt it, He said that porn has just always been apart of sex for him and that I made him feel bad for that. So we had a long talk, got that out of the way and we did start having sex more regularly again. It was great, the change was really awesome I felt so much happier again. It has died down some since then, it kinda goes back and forth sometimes we will go a couple weeks without sex. Right now we are going on three weeks again without sex which is the longest we have gone since we had a big problem with it but it isnt bothering me as much I think because we are both super stressed right now. However my 21st bday was around three weeks ago and that week we had sex 3 times. So it just depends, some weeks are better then others and I think his age does have a factor in it. He is alot older and his sex drive is dwindeling. You are in the same case, your man is a decent amount older then you as well, so that may be a main factor. As far as advice goes I would say try and find out it there is some subconcious reason he isnt interested in sex. He may not even realize the reason, so just ask him to really think about anything that may be bothering him. I mean that was the situation for me and we still arent having as much sex as I would like but it is definitely an impovement from 3 months and if ur at 2 months right now oh man do I know how crazy you are going right now. Just hang in there, try and figure out the root of the problem, talk about it with him and hopefully you will see an improvement.
I wish you all the best.
November 22, 2010 - 11:31amThis Comment
Hi s_mollie35 - You're not alone in this experience. The following thread is one of the most popular on our site, and will provide a lot of information:
April 13, 2010 - 5:04pmhttps://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-husband-want-me
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