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My boyfriend has no sex drive we've only been together a little over 2months....should I leave?

By May 16, 2012 - 8:58am
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My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over 2 months, a little over a week into our relationship I found I had genital herpes, he was so supportive and told me he wasn't going to leave me over it. when we started having sex he admitted that he had a problem staying hard and finishing, but that he just needed a break for a few min and could go back at it, he thought it was from masturbating too much and things should get better. Well after about 6 weeks things in his life have become very stressful with money and school. and now we are a little over 2 months into our relationship and he hasn't initiated anything in over 3 weeks. I have been staying over at his house about once a week now and he says he doesn't need to have sex all the time to be happy that he can't stay hard or satisfy me so that makes it hard to get hard and makes him not want to have sex at all. We have talked about the possibility of him having low testosterone levels(he says he's had this problem for a while) but he has no health insurance so he can't afford to go to the dr. We keep fighting about it when I stay over because I would like to make love to him, or atleast him help me out...but he's not even interested in that anymore and is mad cause I think it's all about me....which makes me feel like the bad guy for wanting to have sex or be pleasured by the man I love. I don't know what to do, he says we have a great relationship other that the sex topic and there we differ greatly and that if I need it more than he can give maybe I need to find someone who can.....this has been brought up several times now...I asked if that is what he wanted and he said no he loves me and is lucky to have me, but I can't have a sexless relationship...already we have only been together 2 months and have probably had sex less than 15 times....what do I do?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi on the mend

Thanks for your post!

Firstly, if you have had sex 15 times in 8 weeks, that's pretty average.

But since you have essentially stopped having sex now and the relationship is very new, I can see where the problem is. I hope you are using condoms, regarding your STD.

It sounds like he may be suffering from sexual dysfunction.  Stress can be a factor but reading what you have said - it looks like sexual dysfunction may be what's going on. Stop fighting with him about this, as his issue may be a medical condition and you'll only make him feel worse - he cannot help this.

If you feel you can't support him (and to have so many problems in only a couple of months of dating is a bad sign) it's ok to leave if that's what you feel you need do - you have nothing invested in the relationship yet.

If he cannot get to the doctor for financial reasons, encourage him to try a free clinic - you can google for free clinics near you. This is definitely worth a shot and at least you can both say you tried your best. If you have an emotional attachment and feel you have a lot of patience, it may be worth trying a little harder. 

I hope things work out for you both but if not, you can at least leave as friends so don't talk about your sexual needs right now; I know it's hard for you but he may need some help here.

Good luck to you both!


May 16, 2012 - 9:32am
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