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My boyfriend of 1 and a half years have been diagnosed with herpes & gential warts about 4~6months ago. And I haven't had any till now. He told me that he did not know how he got it but it's obvious. He told me that he love me and that I'm the only girl he ever wanted. I don't think he cheated on me though as he spends a lot of time with me and I trust him. Our sexual life have been decelerating and I don't now why. He told me that it's because of his STD that made him less "horny" and that he doesn't want to have sex with me everytime we meet as he does not want a "all sex only" relationship. When I ask if he is willing to commit, he turns grumpy,and said that he doesn't like mr doubting him. I've been having moodswings on and off everytime because I'm on medication. We had talked about my frequent moodswings and he had agreed on understanding and tolerating me till my medication have ended in 2months time. He treated me really nice and sweet. And l love him so much. Ok, on top of all those, I just want to know why he have been less sexual active nowadays, is it because of his STD or is he cheating or something else? I've read all the articles available here regarding the sexual life but it didn't came to a conclusion for me. And now he is giving me less attention, more cold towards me.. Is it just me? Really desperate in needing help.. I really appreciate that you took time to read this. And thankyou so much!
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Your description of your relationship was interesting, as you said, "He really treated me really nice, loving and caring...", after you said you "found out he cheated on me...throughout our whole relationship".
It is really not up to anyone else to tell you if you should leave your boyfriend. You know what most women would say, right? Are you wanting a lot of women to say "dump him!" so you feel better about your decision, as you have all of the information to make an informed choice about your future.
- What is your definition of "love" in a romantic relationship?
- What type of relationship do you want for yourself in the future?
- Do you want to be with a person who is equally committed to the relationship, in the same way, that you are?
- Do you want a mutually-exclusive and mutually monogamous relationship?
- Are you wanting to have this type of "open relationship"?
My assumption, since you said you "felt like dying" (once you learned your bf is cheating on you...even though you already knew this information before when he had an STD!) is that you are leaving a lot of your power and choices about life up to a person who does not have your best interests as HIS best interests. It sounds like you do not want an "open relationship", and since your boyfriend obviously does, this relationship is not compatible. What does it mean to you if your boyfriend is "remorseful"? Of course he will be...he got caught, and we all are remorseful if we get caught doing something. Why would your bf change, if he can have a relationship with you and continue seeing other people. Your actions are telling him that the current relationship is OK with you...even when you are telling us in words that it is not OK with you.
Actions speak louder than words, and his actions are telling you that he has never been as committed as you have been in his relationship with you. Your actions up until now have been showing him that you don't care how you are treated (you had information he was cheating, but "pretended" not to know), and your actions in the future will be telling in regards to what type of person you think you deserve to be with. Do you deserve to be the only woman in a man's life? Absolutely! If you don't think you deserve this, please talk with a psychologist who can help you find your own self worth and how to find friends (and eventually romantic partners) who value you as much as you value yourself.
August 7, 2011 - 6:53amThis Comment
Thanks alot for your valuble advice.(:
August 7, 2011 - 7:34amI got the information of him cheating and all, but he didn't know that I knew it all along, he thought I didn't know a thing. But in actual fact I know... I just don't know how or when to confront/talk to him about it.. I was thinking about tomorrow when we meet up or the day after Tmr as he wanted to spend the whole day with me.. It really hurts when I try to pretend I don't know anything infront of him, having sex with him after knowing the "cheating" is the worse. He swear that he will never hurt me, but he did.. I know that he is having "no strings attach" relationship with a few other ppl outside(e.g one night stands) but he wants me to be his "serious" relationship and wants me to be his wife in the future.
He is too selfish.. Should I cheat too? To get back at him? He hates it when guys ogle or even talk to me. He told me all he ever wants is to be with me. I want a relationship which is faithful, honest and love. What if I confronted him and he started to cry? I don't know if I could trust him anymore.. I don't know when I should confront/talk to him and I don't know how to start.. Please advice.. Thankyou!(:
This Comment
Hi (: I'm 19 and currently studying. I'm a dancer(: I have friends and family members whom I'm really close with but i don't tell them this matter. I took your advice and finally told him about all the concerns on my mind. And even told him whatever you said(; although he still didn't admit that he cheated, but he promise me not to let me down(: and he will bring me to see a doctor for a full checkup.. Really am afraid that I might be infected. He seems to care more about me and talk to me quite often. I hope I could take this opportunity to see his change and to give him one more chance. (:
maybe he really might change for the better.. I really hope so.
Thankyou very much!!!
July 12, 2011 - 3:48amThis Comment