ask: My boyfriend masterbates while I'm sleeping

By ladykera November 30, 2011 - 6:24pm
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Hello. The other night I woke up in the middle of the night because the bed was shaking. At first, I didn't really know what was going on because it took my senses a while to come back to me. The television was still on and all the lights were off, but my boyfriend was shaking the bed. I started to ask him what the hell he was doing, but before I completely turned my head I saw his shadow on the wall. He was masterbating vigorously. I didn't know what to do or say so I just continued to lay still and quiet to try to let him finish. Well 25 minutes later I'm still laying there waiting for him to finish. We had already had sex three times that day so I was very confused as to why he was up masterbating. I felt two very different emotions at the same time...confusion and excitement. I'm not sure which one I felt more, but they both were very powerful. As I lay there listening and slightly watching him, I was getting excited. I have never seen him do it before, and since he didn't know I was watching he was very into it. Eventually he abruptly stopped masterbating so I closed my eyes and pretended to be sleep. Then I felt him roll over closer to me and start to take my pants off. He then proceeded to have sex with me. Well it didn't last very long (because he spent most of his time masterbating) so I got very frustrated. I wanted to know why he would get himself almost to the edge and then "wake me up" to finish. I felt that was a very selfish thing for him to do because I couldn't get any enjoyment out of it. For a couple of minutes I said nothing because I really didn't want him to feel embarrassed knowing that I saw him masterbating. As I lay there I got more and more frustrated so I said something to him.

Unfortunately he got an attitude and the conversation turned into a heated disagreement. He said that he just wanted to have an orgasm and figured he would give himself one. He also said that sometimes he doesn't climax when we have sex and he doesn't know why so he tries to masterbate it out later. I became even more confused because if that was the case he would not have turned over and had sex with me to finish himself off.

I guess my question this normal? Do guys do things like this often? How should I feel about this? We never really finished our conversation because he got mad at me and then I got mad at him. I told him it was rude to do it laying right in the bed next to me, and even ruder to "wake me up" without caring about the fact that I was getting no pleasure because he was already almost done. What should I do?

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EmpowHER Guest

I've never masturbated in the same bed as my woman that i recall, but i've had two relationships in which i've left the bed and went elsewhere in the home to knock one out. A couple things were involved for me personally when I did this. At both times and in both relationships we were in those tail-end stages of the relationshiop...and things werent emotionally and romantically as they were prior. So, I didnt wanna bother with warming her up and engaging in that behavior given thinsg werent that good in the relationshiop. A minority of the time, i would just want a quick nut and just simply didnt want to bother her since she was already asleep and likely had to also get up for work or class, etc.. The irony of this is that at some pt....either after the relationshiop or maybe during that "exit interview" these women told me that had done that too, but it wasnt in reply to me stating I do it. In closing, there could be a problem w/ the relationship as a whole, a problem w/ the sex life, or he just wants a quickie without bothering you. I was 22 and 27 when both of these instances occurred.

November 2, 2015 - 7:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been struggling with a similar thing, I'm 5 months pregnant & have always had a high sex drive, but I typically want sex more now that I'm pregnant. I have done everything in the past to keep things spicy, lingerie, toys, and I randomly surprise my husband with oral favors often, not to mention starting him off by pleasuring him every time we have sex. He orgasms every time & it usually doesn't take him long so it's clear he seems to enjoy our sexual relationship. Yet he only seems to want to have sex 1 or 2 nights a week, he doesn't masturbate on the nights we have sex. But on the nights we don't, even if he has turned me down for sex before turning the lights out, I can feel the bed moving & him masturbating when he thinks I've fallen asleep. It is hurtful that he does this AFTER turning down sex with me. I would gladly engage in the pleasuring process with him but if I try to casually snuggle up to him while I can tell he's doing this he abruptly stops and shifts away from me as if he was sleeping. This too is hurtful because I feel shut off from the experience. When I talk to him about it he gets angry & denies masturbating at all & tells me I'm imagining things. Yet I can feel the bed shaking on the nights he does it & when he climaxes he will jerk suddenly. I don't understand why he would rather masturbate than have sex with me if I'm aroused at bedtime when generally I do most of the work. And I don't understand why he feels the need to lie to me about it instead of being open & honest with me. The only thing I haven't been able to figure out yet is where he ejaculates when he's finished. I haven't found any signs of ejaculation in his underwear when doing laundry nor any thing on our sheets. Insight on this please? I don't necessarily want to "catch" him but I would like to have some proof so we can openly discuss it & fix whatever problems or disinterest he is experiencing in our sex life.

May 22, 2015 - 3:58am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This is the only story on here that 100% matched me besides being pregnant and I just wanna say check his socks!! (Thats what my bf uses) it's so stupid how it makes us feel

November 30, 2015 - 6:21am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I have the same problem that has been going on with my man. We have sex quite often and have spiced it up a lot lately too. I know he is very happy with me, but whether we have sex one night or not, he still shakes the bed every night once he thinks I am asleep. The truth is, I have been losing sleep over this and we have gotten into heated discussions over it as well. However, one night when he thought I was sound asleep and he just got done, he then licks his hand and literally eats it!! So, just to let you know where it goes and no evidence, that is what a lot of men do unfortunately...

June 8, 2015 - 1:21pm
EmpowHER Guest

The Reality >>> Guys Just like To Get Off Even if you give us sex many times a day we still jerk off a lot of the time when were on dates with you or walking around we check out other women its not your fault. A mans mind is geared to a perverted angle they have done a study that proves men are like dogs when it comes to sex we think with our penis if we are walking in the park with you and we see some sexy girls doing yoga better know we are having a good look if we are out to dinner and the waitress has a low cut top or tight black pants we will look the reality is this is the nature of a mans brain you take the Most Classy Sophisticated Happily married man and give him temptations and he will Give in to them eventually this is why 7-10 weddings end in divorce even rich happily married people who have everything they could ever want still find fault . The fact your man masturbates and sometimes sticks it in you to finish like some cheap hoe and doesn't let you get off that's no insult to you that's just proof Men are Men. Any man who claims his eyes have not wandered and looked at another women or thought about another chick when having sex with his women """"IS A LIAR"""" WE ALL HAVE DONE IT NO ONE PERFECT the best course of action to take would be accept he is a man and that men in general are pervs and '""SPICE THINGS UP A BIT""" but honestly no matter how much sex you have or how kinky and hot it is men always Have some ""JERK TIME"" we have a sexual thought about ever minute conscious or Subconscious and 90 percent of our dreams are Sexually motivated This is the Reality Of Men if it don't work for you sorry Mam should have been a Lesbian ---Sincerely---- >>>>>The Reality Of Life<<<<<

April 30, 2015 - 3:37am
EmpowHER Guest

My bf soon to be fiancé does this every night... he now sleeps in a desperate room BC we have sex and right after.. he starts to mast debateaagainst
. And he says he doesn't know he's doing it. He went to get help for sleep apnea but still does it... any suggestions?

September 10, 2014 - 3:23pm
EmpowHER Guest

At first I found this very funny, but don't get offended. I'm reading up on comments, and reading most people are either way to emotional or none at all. I really don't know you or him what kind of people you are so this might be out of context. But if it were me that was caught like that I'd be extremely upset, because you just lay there quiet and hidden. It's hard for me to break ice like that, you shouldn't make me be ashamed of something by hiding your awareness. Would have been much easier and fun if you just jumped in there helped out and accept this behavior as is.
In my experience, I jerk off because I don't get enough, you 2 need to "explore" yourselves.

November 26, 2013 - 2:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Well I have rolled over and tryed to engage but then I realize he hurrys up and put his stuff away and acts like he's doing something else. When a t would be your advice to that?

November 30, 2015 - 6:54am
EmpowHER Guest

Thats funny, Great story, excited while uncertain. However, your boi is normal, and he has a strong sex drive. He needed you that night, thats all. I had The same exact thing happen To me years ago, so I believe its normal. The best part was that you both talked. You should never delay, jump his bones asap next time you see your boi pleasuring himself.

Thought counts

August 9, 2013 - 9:35am
EmpowHER Guest

Coming from a guy, it is kinda normal as i know most of my other male friends do this aswell as myself. Asking won't get you far, because not even we know why we do it, its just a spur of the moment action.

July 17, 2013 - 11:13am
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