Facebook Pixel
Q: 

My boyfriend NEVER wants to have sex. He denies me ALL the time. Even if I'm naked and willing! HELP!!!!

By October 28, 2009 - 1:23am
 
Rate This

I'm 26 years old, and my bf's 24. We're on our 4th year together. For the past, almost 2 years, he hasn't wanted to have sex. We yoused to have a GREAT sex life, it's how we got together, and now, it's diminished. I've asked him about it, I've yelled, I've cried, and nothing. He just tells me he doesn't know. He denies me constantly. I've layed naked beside him, offered him blowjobs, I've even touched myself infront of him, and he still denies me. I know he's not cheating. He's never worked a day in his life so it's not that. He's in school, but only so he can play on their Hockey Team, so it's not school. He's not gay. He won't even kiss me! More than a peck that is. He gambles, A LOT. Poker, and sports betting. I thought it might even be that, since he's consumed with it, but even an addict would want a naked girl lying there ready and wanting, wouldn't they??? I'm not an unattractive girl either. Not trying to be conceited, but just to explain. This is such a problem now. I moved with him for the 3rd "school year" (Sept-April), in a row, 2 Provinces away from where I'm from, with no family, and barely any friends. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I don't even know if I should or can be mad at him. I try to get serious about it, and he just tells me, he is attracted to me, that I'm beautiful, and he loves me a lot, but he doesn't know why he doesn't want to. He even told me tonight, after yet another denial, that he loves me too much to do it?. And he can get it up, so it's also not that. I actually think he doesn't know. It's been way too long, and I've gotten so upset over it, so many times. I don't think he wouldn't tell me if he actually knew.

I love him a lot, I really do, but I'm so young, we both are, I can't keep getting denied. It really screws with my head, and my heart. I've never been so insecure. And sad.
I just really don't know what to do... Is a relationship even anything without sex? And, can I keep being in this relationship without ever being desired???
Can this relationship be saved? Is there anything left to do, or are we pretty much done?
I seriously need help:(

Add a Comment33 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

That is so weird, that guys do this. It's not like I'm a nympho or anything. I'm 22 and my bf is 21. we dated for about 5 months we had sex a lot at that time (or at least once every two days). And then I moved in with him at his parents house for about 3 months, we still had constant sex. Finally, we moved into our own apartment. I always thought us having sex all over the place. But since we moved in together. He started to get less and less intimate with me. He just wants to go to sleep. It makes me feel like a nympho.... an unwanted, undesirable nympho. I get that he's tired, I get tired too. But I still get in the mood, I still crave being touched and sharing with him that moment together. He doesn't cheat on me. At least I think. I don't know what to do. I love him, but he can't give me my sexual needs and he won't fulfill my dreams of marriage even though I have a few months and then I'll be deported. I want him to love me as I love him. I have had chances to be with other men that can fulfill my desires and needs. But because I'd never cheat and I love him, I am stuck with him until the day I get deported. Doomed for love. We even signed a new 1 year lease for an apartment together. It hurts that he says he loves me all the time, and then he won't even touch me. Anyways, I'm on here because I have no friends to talk to. I have always been a boyfriend girl and never had many close friends. My bf shares me with no one. And I've always been the girl to connect with guys more than girls and I can't even have guy friends because my bf is the jealous type.

October 16, 2017 - 11:33am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My bf has ED and won't touch me or engage in anything, we have been together for 6 months and at first we were more intimate and then it faded to once a month, I waited 2 months, I am the one that engages, kisses and cuddles, I don't get much reciprocation and when I say I want to be touched because it makes me feel unwanted he says he's insecure or just doesn't even think about it or wait... he is getting a surgery, a pump that will make everything all of a sudden fine but if there is no intimacy it's very hard to deal with. I am sensitive to him and how he's feeling and I've told him I don't care I just want to be close to him but he won't do anything, I'm in my 30's and feel like an old couple that don't have sex anymore but just love each other. It's very hard on my head and heart, messes with my self esteem or makes me wonder if he wants me at all.

September 23, 2017 - 2:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

You not the only one. My partner been together for 2yrs have our daughter together. Sense baby was born we only did it twice. No cuddles no. Sex no kissing nothing. I feel what your going through. We both in our early 30's I feel sad to. I don't care so much about. Sex I miss the cuddles. I might as well be a flatmate. I love him alot but he annoys me if I say anything about can I have a hug please you need to wait. It's been almost over a year with no hugs no kissing no touching.

August 6, 2017 - 4:20am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm so confused to, I searched his to try and get answers on my own life problem! I have been with my boyfriend a little under a year! When we first started dating he loved to be cuddled with me, kissing on me and anything sexually! Yes I might have gained a little weight since them but not where it's so much he wouldn't want to have sex with me anymore! I'm just confused because he never wants to kiss me unless I ask, and then he just gives me a little peck on the lips and occasionally the cheek! He says it's because he's always just tired or stressed! But every time I say something he's like yeah we will, then when I ask again he turns me down! Why say you want to or will when you know you weren't going to do it in the first place! I feel like something is wrong with me! I'm just not sure on what to do next! I don't have any friends down here since I moved with him! So maybe getting some other ladies opinions would be really helpful!!

Thanks in advance, your comments are greatly appreciated!

July 9, 2017 - 8:52pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi,
I'm 20, my bf is 21.
It's been 5 months..in the beginning he seemed like he wanted to be physically close to me a lot. Like, sex and cuddling every day kinda thing. Now, we may have (same old predictable) sex maybe once a week, and close to no cuddling. He has problems with drugs...i don't even know what to do anymore. i feel like i just want to disappear. Otherwise I am feeling really depressed...and untouchable? He says we have to be on better talking terms in order for him to feel comfortable touching me. I just feel so alone. What do I do?

June 10, 2017 - 2:12am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Its been 5 months together and he is unaffectionate and im about to break up with him, he is not interested at all, to lay in the bed next to a man, that wont fondle, touch, grab nothing, really sucks, im questioning his sexuality, this is not normal, to not feel wanted, please someone help me

April 14, 2017 - 2:00am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello I been with my boyfriend going on five years we use to have sex every day when we met now it's I'm sleepy my side hurt or I'm looking for a car he say he loves me and I'm his everything but I don't know what to do

February 14, 2017 - 1:01pm

I'm beginning to feel like there might be a third party involved in the demise of my fiancés sexual attraction to me :( . We used to be like rabbits too......same old story......now I feel as though I couldn't get him to notice me walking around naked, let alone want what I was offering.
And just on that, I've NEVER turned him down for sex; but he's brushed me aside or just pretended to be asleep. I'm not blowing my own horn here, but I'm not the ugliest woman on earth; other men notice me all the time, which makes him mad! But, he doesn't want me!
When I mentioned a chick he works with to see if that could be the problem, he blushed! My man never blushes, unless his true feelings betray him. And he'll talk about every one else at work, except for her. And now all of a sudden he wants to transfer shifts; all after I confronted him about this co worker he's gone all funny about. Every other chick is described as fat, or ugly, but he has nothing bad to say about this girl, even going as far to say he feels sorry for her, for the way her partner treats her......i don't really give a flying fuck about how badly she gets treated, and why the fuck should he!?
Sorry, I'm just trying to understand what it is that's taking my fiancés sexual attention away from me :(
It's funny how he cares about this girls treatment at work; he verbally abuses me every day, yet he feels sorry for a co worker who cops it from her own partner?
I spoke to him about the similarities between me and this girl, and more blushing! I pointed out that she's probably looking for a soft place to fall after being abused by her partner, and that he's playing right into her hand by showing he cares and being extra helpful at work. Now I hear of her flirting with him, and calling him off his breaks (when she knows he's texting me),saying its a work emergency.
I asked him if he's told her he's engaged, and he got defensive! Said he doesn't have to tell her that, I should just trust him. Oh boy.
Tonight before he left for work (night shift, yeah neat), he said the strangest thing; he said I don't think about anything else at work except for you......and I thought that was an odd comment.......especially after I confronted him about this girl earlier today......
Sorry for raving on.....i have no one else to talk to, I'm pretty much isolated from my friends and family these days; I sleep when he sleeps; go out when he goes out and watch what he wants to watch on tv.
My world has shrunk dramatically from when we first got together; now he's my whole world, and he doesn't want me sexually anymore....... Just so hurt and confused

December 8, 2016 - 8:26am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi I'm 27 and my bf is 25. We've been together alittle more than a year. The sex kinda slowed down after 6 months and it's been a constant battle to get him to want to touch me that way. A good week is when we have sex at least once. He says he's trying but always pushes me away when I try to start things. He's very affectionate and tells me he loves me all the time. I have mentioned to him that he no longer tells me I'm beautiful and I always catching him looking at other girls when we're at the gym. I've asked him if it's me and he's says no he's just not in the mood. Idk what to do anymore and I'm always blaming myself, thinking I'm not good enough or disgusting or something. I've never had this problem before and don't know where to go from here.

November 29, 2016 - 11:58pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I am going through the same thing and it hurts a lot...I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and nothing not even making out or touching...I get very lonely and sad...I Love My Man too...But I can't go on living like this anymore...He makes up excuses not to to touch me or have sex with me...even when I touch him he curls up like a little girl and then he rejects me. I have searched websites high and low , I also thought some thing was wrong with me and I know I'm a very attractive woman but sometimes I feel like it's not enough...Maybe we both have chosen the wrong guy even though we both love our men...sex is important in a relationship , it's a type of connection that shows love...Good luck and I hope you find happiness.

September 20, 2016 - 6:10am
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!