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My boyfriend NEVER wants to have sex. He denies me ALL the time. Even if I'm naked and willing! HELP!!!!

By courtney_951 October 28, 2009 - 1:23am
 
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I'm 26 years old, and my bf's 24. We're on our 4th year together. For the past, almost 2 years, he hasn't wanted to have sex. We yoused to have a GREAT sex life, it's how we got together, and now, it's diminished. I've asked him about it, I've yelled, I've cried, and nothing. He just tells me he doesn't know. He denies me constantly. I've layed naked beside him, offered him blowjobs, I've even touched myself infront of him, and he still denies me. I know he's not cheating. He's never worked a day in his life so it's not that. He's in school, but only so he can play on their Hockey Team, so it's not school. He's not gay. He won't even kiss me! More than a peck that is. He gambles, A LOT. Poker, and sports betting. I thought it might even be that, since he's consumed with it, but even an addict would want a naked girl lying there ready and wanting, wouldn't they??? I'm not an unattractive girl either. Not trying to be conceited, but just to explain. This is such a problem now. I moved with him for the 3rd "school year" (Sept-April), in a row, 2 Provinces away from where I'm from, with no family, and barely any friends. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. I don't even know if I should or can be mad at him. I try to get serious about it, and he just tells me, he is attracted to me, that I'm beautiful, and he loves me a lot, but he doesn't know why he doesn't want to. He even told me tonight, after yet another denial, that he loves me too much to do it?. And he can get it up, so it's also not that. I actually think he doesn't know. It's been way too long, and I've gotten so upset over it, so many times. I don't think he wouldn't tell me if he actually knew.

I love him a lot, I really do, but I'm so young, we both are, I can't keep getting denied. It really screws with my head, and my heart. I've never been so insecure. And sad.
I just really don't know what to do... Is a relationship even anything without sex? And, can I keep being in this relationship without ever being desired???
Can this relationship be saved? Is there anything left to do, or are we pretty much done?
I seriously need help:(

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello I'm just needing a little insight about my relationship . I'm a 21 year old beautiful woman I've been dating a 27 year old man for a year. When I first started to date him we were making love like rabbits and he doesn't have a bad size penis but it makes me miss the sizes I'm used to. He is a wonderful man he loves me, we live together , he supports me respects me the whole nine. It s just he doesn't like to have sex with me, or the women he dates. His past girlfriend dumped him because of that. He's not gay he loves and admires women but when it comes to sex he gets soft while he's in me. He's doesn't mind eating me out but I honestly just want some dick for a change . I feel like I'm 21 and not really living my young adult years because I'm to busy trying to love a man who doesn't even want to have sex. I try everything oral, lingerie, and it still doesn't get him up or want to have sex , then itsucks because he does have a small penis so when we Mae love I can't really feel it and when he get soft I can't feel it at all and it's so frustrating. I dont want to leave him because he is good to me and o don't want it to be all about the sex but DAMN something got to give . what should I do ?

December 11, 2015 - 1:18am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Unless your boyfriend gets a penile implant, there is nothing you can do about size. Comparing him to past men is pointless, he is who he is.

Your boyfriend may have erectile dysfunction and may be too shy to see a doctor. Encouraging him to do this, without making him feel bad, is a good idea. Since this is a pattern for him, he needs to look into any physical or emotional reason this is happening. ED is mostly a psychological issue - therapy may help.
Best,
Susan

December 11, 2015 - 6:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend is 28 and I am 24. We have been together three years now and over a year ago we stopped having sex. Now I am lucky to get anything more than a peck on the lips. I've tried many ways to turn him on but I get nothing. At times he gets annoyed if I even touch on him but he has no problem teasing me by asking for it. He tells me he loves me, that I'm beautiful and that he is still attracted to me. He would always say hes too tired or he's busy, even if just watching tv. I've tried to talk to him about it but it frustrates him. He couldn't give me an excuse until 6 months of no sex and he told me he just didn't want it at that time. Months later he told me it is because he wants to wait to consumate engagement but after thinking for a few weeks I told him he should have discussed this with me because it should be what I want too. This led to an argument and we haven't talked about it since. He doesn't show much affection like he use to. I am already self conscious and the constant denial Isn't helping. I don't want to leave because I love him and have put a lot into this relationship but I feel it isn't returned. I really don't know where to go from here because I don't want to feel like it is a wrong reason to want out.

November 29, 2015 - 1:55pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I think there's more going on that him suddenly wanting to wait for engagement or marriage to have sex. He's not even really showing you affection in any way which is troubling.

A sexless relationship is not a wrong reason to move on - don't think marriage will fix it, it may not at all.

I know three years is a long time but it's not really, in the scheme of things. Don't make that a reason for staying. Tell your boyfriend that you love him and you miss his affection. If he gets annoyed, pushes you away or won't discuss things then you need to decide if this is an acceptable way to live. If not, you need to move on.
Best,
Susan

November 30, 2015 - 7:09am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi I'm 18, boyfriend/fiancée is 21.
We are young so we such be doing it a lot like rabbits but sadly no. I try and try, from walking around the house in sexy role play outfits to nothing at all, I try kissing him, touching him, everything you can think of and nothing!
We used to do it all the time and it would last a good 20 mins, but now if and when I get any, it lasts 3 mins tops and I don't get off most times. Iv tried everything and he doesn't want to touch me. Our long kisses/ make outs have depleted to 1-2 second pecks. Iv tried talking to him, all he says is he's tired (no one is that tired every second of every day) or gets mad. Like I understand he works and stuff and gets stressed but come on now. I don't know what else to do.
-Bobbie

November 10, 2015 - 11:29pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I hope your boyfriend is not your fiance, you're a teenager!

His sexual interest in you seem to have stopped. I think it's time you stopped walking around in sexy outfits and begging for sex - time to have a serious sit-down and talk this situation out. If he won't be honest with you, then it may be time to move on.
Best,
Susan

November 11, 2015 - 6:14am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Im in a bad situation. Im 36 and he is 45. He only shoves his dick in my moist but dry pussy. He doesnt work me up at all. He just fingers me for 1 minute before he shoves it in. I give him oral but he wont return the favor. I can actually have over 10 orgasms in a day but he wont give me 1 orgasm. When i dont want him shoving his thing in me i still jerk him off so that he can get off. I have a 17 year old daughter so i try to keep the family together but i really dont think i deserve to be horny all the time for the rest of my life. I need love and affection. I feel very ashamed of myself because im with this guy who is more than able to make love to me but i dont think he gives a fuck. Im worth more than this silly shit. Any help please.

July 13, 2015 - 1:14pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You're relationship isn't working on a sexual level, that's for sure. If it's working in other ways then it might be worth fighting for. Your daughter is 17 - she'll be an adult soon enough, that's not a reason for staying in a bad relationship.
Susan

July 14, 2015 - 6:10am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Hey Susan. Thank you for your post. I dont know if he s worth it. Sex is important but it doesn t mean everything to me. Love is. I just deserve some respect. He s asking for sex all the time but its just for his satisfaction. He cheated on me when my daughter was about 4 years old. The chick told me that he gave her oral. He also had another chick say the same thing about him. He denies it but im not stupid. I am very clean. My vagina smells and taste great. If anything he is the one who could be more clean. I use to do him because I love him. I dont enjoy bjs. He hasnt cheated in the past 15 years but it will never undo pleasing someone else over me.

July 15, 2015 - 8:30am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I think there's more to this relationship than bad sex or good tasting vaginas.

I think your partner is disrespectful to you and getting over cheating is possible for some, not for others.

If you are not feeling loved or respected then you need relationship counseling. Every woman deserves a good relationship, including you. If he won't change, then you'll have to.

I do hope things get better for you but don't waste more years hoping he will change if he keeps proving over and over that he won't.

Best,
Susan

July 15, 2015 - 3:20pm
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