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My boyfriend says that he loves me but is no longer physically attracted to me

By Anonymous November 16, 2009 - 12:42pm
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I have been dating this guy for 2 years now, we didn't start off boyfriend and girlfriend but as friends with benefits i guess you would say. So we were off and on for 3 years and then decided to make a go of a relationship together. So as the weeks, months and years go by we are getting closer and closer and the relationship gets stronger. But for the last couple of months i have noticed that he cannot keep an erection. I find it strange because i have never been small at all.. I like to consider myself THICK.. But him keeping an erection or being sexually in to me has never been an issue. But i do know that i am not the size that i was when we first met nor when we decided to make a go of a relationship 2 years ago. I know i need to loose weight and i want to.. Now i am 4 months pregnant and i feels as though this is the perfect timing for him not to be physically attracted to me. CRYING is all i could can do. He did tell me that he has never dated anyone like me at all, Im not what he is use to and even his mom told him that he must really love me because i am way different from any of the other women he has brought home. So i assume that there has to be another woman, of course he is sure to say that there isn't at all and i believe him and i just don't understand why he didn't tell me sooner before we decided to have a baby. So now he says that he is trying to get use to me like this.. Im like how long does it take? From my calculations and your change in attitude and sway you haven't been sexually attracted to me since 06-2009 and we are in 11-2009.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question and welcome!

Is your boyfriend saying that he finds you unattractive because you are pregnant, or he hasn't found you attractive since before then?

"Thick" women can be very attractive! Any woman, of any size, can be drop dead gorgeous, depending on their style and how they maintain themselves. For some very odd reason, we equate "thin" with healthy and beautiful when this is a complete fallacy.

Some men do find a pregnant woman off -putting. Most men find them gorgeous. And even if a man did not find his woman attractive during pregnancy, he'd be a poor excuse for a man if he made that known to her. My husband loved how I looked pregnant and consequently I felt gorgeous my entire pregnancies, even when I was 9 months along and pretty darn big! I never look at pictures and think I was awful. I think I was amazing!! Every man should do this for his woman. Pregnancy can be physically and emotionally difficult for a woman and she needs all the support she can get - in particular from the man who got her that way!

If both he and his mom are telling you that he must really love you because you're not his usual type, then they both need to check their sensitivity gauges for a malfunction. In other words, they are saying "I (he) really go for thin, hot girls and since you're neither, it must be love". That's not a compliment, nor is it showing how newly unsuperficial he is - it's an insult. Telling you that he's "trying to get used to you being like this..." leaves me a bit stumped. How big of him.

Really, Anon, he has no right to talk to you like this. Our bodies change all the time, especially in pregnancy. Did he expect you to have a flat tummy, while with child? I'm not sure why he is saying this to you, other than he must be incredibly immature and he must know how hurtful he is being. But you must know that this is unacceptable and you don't have to listen to this. How old is your boyfriend?

November 16, 2009 - 1:47pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

he is 28. I believe that it started before i became pregnant. He knows that a woman's size increases when they are with child, but i began to gain a lot of weight as i got comfy with him.. Not to say that he hasn't cause he has as well. But i would never tell him im not physically attracted to him. Thats crazy. I don't know what to think nor what i should do. I just feel like i don't want to be around him at all, i need space and time.. I need to be alone.

November 16, 2009 - 3:30pm
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