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My boyfriend is stalking other girls on Facebook a lot, what do I do?

By Anonymous July 4, 2014 - 3:22am
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I've been in a serious relationship with my man for 2 years now. I don't have the best self esteem due to past relationships but have always tried not to overreact or get too jealous.
I am a very sexually active person and my boyfriend is in between mild and somewhat like me. I obviously know that he doesn't want sex all the time so it wasn't a big deal if he said he just wanted to cuddle or if he wasn't in the mood. Within months of our relationship I was "pleasing him," but unfortunately after he seemed extremely off and I ask him what was wrong. He then told me that he thought of other woman while I was pleasing him. At first I was in shock, how could a relationship so new need something to spice it up? He told me that it was cause he couldn't "get off" because he was nervous that he wouldn't be able to and he thought it would disappoint me. I told him that it wouldn't have, and he should have told me instead of resorting to such things. Ever since that moment I've had a decrease of self esteem when it came to other women and slowly increased over the past to 2 year.

Recently I was on his computer (with permission,) because mine broke down. I decided to sneak a peek at his history and instantly regretted it. Not only did I snoop in his privacy, but his privacy was full of him looking at women on Facebook. He looks at a lot of pictures of girls that work with him, some with their breasts or butt hanging out. He even went to the extent of trying to find them on other social media to find other pictures of them. My boyfriend is a chronic masterbater, so he has even masterbated at work before. When I saw his history it made me feel very uncomfortable. He has also started to make up excuses to not get in bed with me such as "I'm leaving in 30 minutes" or "it too light outside to have sex." He loves me and I can see it and feel it but I've noticed him looking at other women more and more often and find myself worrying about more than I should. I know a man can look at other women, as I do look at other men. Its natural, but I believe that you should check out other people in front of the person you love, as its disrespectful and hurtful. He fully knows this but continues even when he knows I'm looking at him. I've told him that I saw his history and asked why he was looking at other women. He said he was just curious and does it without thinking. But I dont believe that EVERY time he looks up a woman, that its not without thinking. Definitely if he's going to the extent of looking at her on other sites. I told him that it made me feel insecure and kinda hurt even if it wasn't intentional. He told me that he would try to not do it, if it makes me feel uncomfortable.
Today, while on his computer to make a resume, I decided to check up on it to see if he made any progress. But I then found that he was snooping on a new co-workers pictures. I think it made me feel way more jealous because she is extremely pretty, big breasted and had a nice ass with a thin waist. He looked at ALL her pictures, top to bottom and some other girls. I know its normal to look at other people on facebook but it was kind of to extreme for some one for just looking. I feel very jealous and scared almost, that this is going on. How do I get him to look at me and want me again instead of other girls? Any advice?

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I couldn't agree more with the first comment from Maryann, she is right - you need to get rid of this man from your life immediately. He has targeted you because he sees you as vulnerable and needy, he wants to use you to make himself feel powerful, when in actual fact this man is insecure about his sexuality and lacks empathy. It could be that your prior relationship started you on the path to low self esteem, but his behaviour will make that much worse if you allow it to happen. If you do end the relationship, I bet this uncaring man will suddenly find you irresistible and try in all ways not to let you go, but be strong and leave him, you deserve so much better.

July 7, 2014 - 6:21am

Hello Anonymous,

My advice is end the relationship now. Your boyfriend continues this behavior and I do not think he plans to change. His disinterest in you but active interest in other women is destroying your self-esteem.

You deserve to be loved and respected.


July 4, 2014 - 11:47am
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