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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28 December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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I find it really nice and comforting to know that there are women out there going through the same exact thing as you. I think it's odd how women can deny sex with a man, and the man cheating is usually the end result. However, when a man denies women sex, we think of all the possible things that we could've done wrong. When in most cases, we did NOTHING wrong. It's so frustrating. I hate having to beg my boyfriend for affection, love, and intimacy.

March 1, 2016 - 11:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

I'm going through the same thing. We are 56 yrs old. We always had a. Great sex life for 5 years out of 7 yrs. One day I went into his cell phone and discovered he was looking and disgusting fat woman, looking at the personals in craigs list and he had 2 gmail facts nude r different names. He got mad at me when I woke his ads up and asked if he was cheating cuz that's just not his way. He said no and said that he was curious. I told him I consider what he did as cheating. Porn desensitized men . W false realities. He is also insecure about his small penis. I'm st my wits end. I l ove him and I want him. Etc? Help.

April 22, 2016 - 9:36pm
EmpowHER Guest

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we've just recently developed a problem with intimacy. It's slowed down to once every couples weeks, with me being the only one to initiate. I feel unwanted and shameful because i feel like there has to be something wrong with me for me to need it more than he does.... we have a good relationship besides that, we get along very well, but this is definitely taking a toll on us. I'm thinking about counseling, but I'm just starting to become hopeless

February 27, 2016 - 10:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years now. In the beginning he couldn't get enough of me, now we only have sex every few months. When I confront him about it he says it feels like a chore to him. So for the last two months I haven't brought it up thinking maybe it would change. But for these two months he hasn't tried once. He says he loves me and we still have a functioning relationship other wise. However, I have felt so alone and unwanted. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough. So tonight, after two months to the day I stated to touch him but he didn't try anything from there. So I asked him again why it's been 2 months without sex. He once again said because I make him feel like it's a chore to have sex with me, then he rolled over and fell asleep. I've been up crying and looking up online for answers or comfort.

February 23, 2016 - 11:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I do the exact same thing! & in fact I've been up crying while my boyfriend is asleep next to me. He tells me he doesn't want to have sex because he has anxiety and he's stressed but he used to want sex multiple times a day. I don't know what's going on. We've been through a lot recently but He just got a new job and Is happy so I don't know what's going on. He also gets really defensive and angry when I bring it up so I can never open up about my feelings. He keeps saying it has nothing to do with me. Although I dont find that to be true.

March 17, 2016 - 1:03am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this but it may be time to move on.
Online sources can help in letting you know you're not alone but you won't get answers about your boyfriend - only he can tell you really what's going on. Since he won't, then the changes need to come from you. You're hardly making it a chore when you didn't approach him for sex for two months!

This rejection has gone on too long - it's time to think about your own needs and not live feeling worthless to a man who may love you in his own way, but not in a romantic sense.

I wish you the best,

February 24, 2016 - 7:01am
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. I'm 22, he's 34. We recently moved in together and it seems as though once I moved in, all intimacy immediately stopped. I feel neglected, unattractive, and unwanted. He tells me he's just tired because he works 10 hours or more 7 days a week. But he's never too tired to go out to clubs on Saturday nights and get trashed. He keeps telling me that's his escape and that he needs me here. He says sex isn't that important. But it is still an important part of a relationship. He claims he loves me, but I don't know what to believe anymore. I hate waking up next to him everyday and having to feel like I'm not good enough, that something is wrong with me. I do love him with all of my heart, but it seems that he is just plain uninterested in me. He only cares about making money to spend on himself and going out to get drunk every weekend.

February 17, 2016 - 7:45am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm in the same boat... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months... things we're going great until a couple of weeks ago... we usually have sex at least once or twice a week, but it's been nearly 3, and anytime I try to cozy up to him he just pushes my hands away, says hes tired, and rolls over and goes to sleep... he loved into my house shortly after we started dating and I've been paying all the bills and some of his as well... he has a full time job in construction, and is in a band, but somehow never seems to have money to help pay bills... I know 3 weeks isn't a very long time, but it almost feels like he's with me because I'm supporting him, and he knows I'll do anything and everything I can to make h happy... idk... I guess I'm just confused... :/ I'm so insecure as it is and this is NOT helping at all!

February 9, 2016 - 7:29pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

Stop paying his way immediately. Let him pay his own bills and support himself. If he has enough time to be in a band, he's not too tired for sex. To be honest, it really does sound like his using you - please don't allow that for yourself, you are so much better than that.

Have a chat with him about what's going on and if he isn't on board with changing this, kick him out.


February 10, 2016 - 7:06am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi ladies,

Ive previously commented on this post mine is the anon comment of November 23. I can report that things in my relationship have significantly improved.

There was a point where I really thought that it would never change but I stuck around and tried my hardest because I truly believe I am supposed to be with my partner.

After lots of arguments, heated discussions and effort on both of our parts we seem to have gotten through to each other and we are both making more of an effort to be more considerate to each other.

I can only advise you to do whatever feels right for you! Definitely don't let anyone guilt you in to staying with them because they depend on you but similarly don't be so quick to walk away if there is a way you can BOTH work on your issues.


January 6, 2016 - 11:01pm
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