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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest

I fully understand and appreciate that I am nowhere near alone. I have been with my boyfriend for three years, but have known him for 22 years. For the first year EVERYTHING was wonderful, than it went down hill faster than a crack whore hooker. It went from daily to every few months at first it was 2 months apart. Now it is five to six months apart. He can't keep it up. I feel like some how some way it's my fault. He gets so angry when I dare bring it up, but he gets over that when he understands I am blaming myself. He is very vocal about it being him, he thinks I am stunning, a great mother etc! But no real sexual contact, we hold hands, kiss, make out like teens but NO SEX, FORPLAY NOTHING!!!

July 11, 2016 - 11:25pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling depressed and unattractive,. My boyfriend of 2 year's has not had sex,make out,no French kisses, no body rubs nothing for over 8 months. He tells me I'm beautiful, and gives me a peck kiss sometimes.. I feel as though he's lost all interest in our love/sex life.. The other day he wanted to cuddle ,what he really wanted was me to play with his ass and a blow job, witch I pleasured him as always I do without.. I find my self crying, mood swings toward him he says in the past 3 day's and when I mentioned lack of sex its like talking to a brick wall.. I'm starting to feel as though when he is ready to have sex with me I will not be interested in sex its been so long since I've had a orgasum . I'm lonely,depressed, unhappy , feel like I'm ugly,fat or just not his type anymore.. He's sweet, helpful,hardworking and makes me laugh I love this man.. I've been faith full all these months I've not had sex.. I wish only for him to make love to me,soft kisses,4 play,full body massage, 69 anything I'm loosing interest in sex all together.. Other men tell me I'm beautiful and that they would make love to me softly.. But like I've told them all ( I love my boyfriend and I'm a faithful women I do not cheat..Please can anyone help

July 4, 2016 - 1:59am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm sorry this is happening to you but your boyfriend wants oral sex (from you) and what they call "ass play" - he has no interest in your body. Any woman or man could give him what he wants. Ask him why - you deserve answers.

Think wisely about remaining in a relationship that is sexually one-sided and where you feel lost and lonely.

While it's important to work on relationships and talk things through, there comes a time when you need to take stock of your reality. If no changes will come from him, then changes must come from you.

It's ok to talk about being understanding but let's have some real talk - it's another thing to be taken for a mug. You may be being used.


July 4, 2016 - 12:06pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I know you must feel pretty upset and confused. It hasn't been as long for me and I feel that way so I know you must. I wish there was a face to face support group we could have it seems like we all want to be reassured that we aren't the problem. I just don't get it. I feel like my friends look at is as I'm an idiot to believe that he's not sleeping with someone else so I don't even mention it to them during girl talk anymore I avoid the sex topic completely. It's comforting to talk to girls that can understand what I'm going through without judging and speculating.

July 4, 2016 - 9:46am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm so happy to see I'm not alone in the world. Not happy for you guys (if you're feeling how I've been feeling, you probably feel pretty crappy) just happy I am not the only odd one suffering through this. My boyfriend and I have been together two years. In the beginning we had sex often and intensely. I know sex changes over time but we are only 22! We went from having sex daily, sometimes 3-4 times daily to every 2,3 even 4 weeks. And when we do have sex, it's like a chore to him. I initiate it and he huffs and puffs and does it to shut me up. Somehow within the last 8 months I conceived our daughter. I'm not 29 weeks pregnant and our sex life has completely stopped! His excuse most of the time is that he's tired, but when I catch him full of energy, he gets angry and says sex isn't important he has more important things to worry about. We've been living together and he does come home at night but I'm not sure if when he goes to hang out with friends that's what he's doing. He doesn't have the signs I've seen before of cheating but what else could it be? I've NEVER been denied and for him to do it so easily and so often, I find myself feeling humiliated, unwanted and extremely insecure, which only gives him "a reason" to get upset and not want to have sex with me. And forget bringing up counseling that's a curse word in his mind... I'm so frustrated with this relationship. Of course I want it to work I mean we are having a baby I love him with all my heart we live together! But I can't say I haven't thought about looking elsewhere to fulfil my desires. I feel like a slut even thinking it, and I'd never do it while I'm pregnant, but I'm not sure what to do at this point. I know sex isn't THEE most important thing in a relationship but I was under the impression that it IS a significant part of a healthy relationship. Am I crazy? I feel like it!

July 2, 2016 - 9:42am
EmpowHER Guest

My problem is like most of the girls here. We've been together for a year and we used to have sex at least twice a week. But since we moved in together it became less and less and now it's like once a month. We haven't talked about it, but he knows that I'm frustrated and dieing for some action. What makes it worse that I masturbate but it doesn't do it for me any more, and seeing him around makes it harder. Anyway I decided I can't take it any more I'm 24 years old I need to be fucked!. And in the same time I love my boyfriend he's a nice person. So I'll ask him for a pass. Just sex untill he figures what he's going through. Haven't asked him yet will let you know how it goes. It just seems like the perfect solution to me that way we could still be together and I won't feel like I'm sacrificing my sex life. What do you think should I ask him that or is too much to ask

June 10, 2016 - 6:55pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

Having sex outside the relationship won't help anything, it'll end the relationship which is something I think should probably happen anyway.

Your boyfriend does not seem to be sexually interested in you - perhaps the relationship has run it's course.

You're 24 and young and it doesn't sound like you have kids together! Move on with your own life and let him move on with his. Maybe you can become friends!


June 13, 2016 - 6:17am
EmpowHER Guest

I been together with my partner 3 years. We use to have a great sex life now I sleep on the couch. I ask him why he don't bother to have sex anymore and he says that his tired something always hurts him. I'm so over it. I know I'm not ugly in fact I have a few guys after me .. And it's tempting but I want to try and make it work. I feel like a why not just tell me it's not what it use to be and come to a closure. We function great but to me sex is a big part ugh I just don't know what to do .

June 5, 2016 - 9:37pm

I find it really nice and comforting to know that there are women out there going through the same exact thing as you. I think it's odd how women can deny sex with a man, and the man cheating is usually the end result. However, when a man denies women sex, we think of all the possible things that we could've done wrong. When in most cases, we did NOTHING wrong. It's so frustrating. I hate having to beg my boyfriend for affection, love, and intimacy.

March 1, 2016 - 11:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

@ashlee u 're right. Am going through the same. I have been with him for 4 years now with a kid. He was all sweet and lovey dovey to me but as soon as I had our kid he changed. And he act some type of way around my female friends, like he doesn't kiss me and that around my female friends like he's ashamed of me. But when we 're left alone he will be all over me.. And even when we re out he doesn't do nothing to me. It's like am walking with a stranger outside :( it's so sad tbh. I feel like am begging him for attention and that not like am not beautiful, I am and I have guys who really wants me but I love my boyfriend and I feel like he's cheating on me cuz whenever he starts his training class as he's always going out.he will stop having an intercourse with me. And each time we argue he would say lots of harsh words to me like. Do u really think am here for u?? I got my girl anyways so I don't care. And also he would say I am too young for his like!. When we finally make up he would apologise and say he didn't meant those words and he ain't got no other girl. Could he be lying?? Cuz we don't have sex anymore like I said. I feel like leaving for him without letting him know my whereabout. And I don't wanna cheat on him either. Could he truly be seeing another girl? Am I wasting my time u think? Cuz am always at home this few weeks with our kid, as he is out doing his training. If I leave now he won't be able to finish his training, because there's no one available to babysit our kid as our families re very busy. Please I need an advice, he doesn't appreciate me after everything I done for me. I been tru alot for him. Please I need to know what could be going on and know what next to do. Life's too short as am only 22 and he's 31.

May 6, 2016 - 3:21am
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