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ask: My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

Add a Comment28 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

Hi I had this issue with my misses I rather play on computer blah blah. I just didnt want to sleep with her. I dont even no why but it broke our relationship up for 6months I had moved on with someone else. not all bad I lost loads weight got muscly and got my self confidence back. we back together now and 5yrs down line we dont have it everynight like when we first got back together. I just remember that it was a pain cause she only wanted sex in the bed, we go bed late and by then I cba. :)

January 26, 2014 - 4:55pm
EmpowHER Guest

It was getting me really down too cause I knew something must be wrong but when I asked him about he'd say he didn't know. Then if I pushed it he'd come up with an excuse like "I'm too old for sex" (he's 24) or "you don't make me feel sexy" (If I didn't think he was sexy why would I be desperately trying to figure out why he won't have sex with me). It's always a different reason and I know he's just saying it to make me drop the subject. It's so frustrating all I want is honesty whatever the reason. I even asked him to come to the doctors incase his lack of sex drive was medical to which he tells me he masturbates when I'm not around so it can't be that. It was driving me crazy especially cause he was acting like everything was fine and I was nagging him and being silly to feel insecure and worried about it.

I ended up writing him a list of things I love about him and things that pissed me off (probably not a good idea but I was so frustrated and I just needed him to know exactly how I felt). Things got better for a couple of weeks and i felt we were back to how it used to be but it didn't last long. The few friends I asked all said the same thing, if someone doesn't want to have sex with the person they love for a long period of time, there's something wrong. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I can't avoid how right they were. Anytime I stopped wanting to have a sex with a guy I loved it was because I didn't love them like that anymore or I was in love with someone else. Now I just need to accept it and move on cause he's too weak to do it for himself. I hope it worked out for you...if it did and you have any hints let me know : P

November 7, 2013 - 4:15pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hello ladies, I'm so glad I stumbled upon this page while researching on my latest life issue. Before reading your comments, I thought I was the only one with this issue. I'm 24 and my bf is 25. We have been dating for three and a half years. When we first started dating, he was definitely the best sex I had ever had!! We would go on for hours and simultaneously climax in one session. For the past two years, our sec life has completely gone down the drain. At first it led me to have an affair. I completely regret it every day of my life, but I did realize it was the absence of sex that pushed me over that edge. In he past two years, if we had sex 20 times, i might be exaggerating. Worse part is, in the past two years, he hasn't given me an orgasm. I started masturbating but lately it doesn't work. I yearn for the touch of a man and an orgasm given to me by someone other than my friendly vibrator. I have wet dreams constantly and I'm afraid to drink out of fear I will cheat again. Now I have tried being sexy, I've talked about it, Even the lingerie. But he always says he is tired or that he doesn't feel like it. However, I know h is constantly watching porn. We live together and I have even tried surprising him naked in the middle of the night and he chooses to get a bj instead. I feel unwanted and I've started to let myself go because I don't see the point in looking beautiful for Amanda who won't even touch me. Now 2 things... He is stuck on baby language and he thinks I'm perverted for constantly thinking about sex. I hate to rant about it but we have a wonderful relationship aside of the nonexistent sex life. I would hate to lose such a great guy cause of such a simple human instinct of sex. I'm so horny all the time!!! Help!! Anyone with years of experience have some advice??? I cry every time he says no to me.

October 4, 2013 - 10:28pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Look I'll be honest.. 20 times in 2 years would be a god send for me. I'm 35
I live with my man (36) and we haven't has sex in over 2 years. I basically drunkenly raped him one night a year ago.. but he seemed to have an issue keeping it hard and gave up after about 2 mins. He tells me he masterbates, I've seeen him do it (with out him knowing I was watching) so I know the tackle works.. he's just not casting the line. We don't kiss, cuddle or anything. I stopped looking for sex and begged just to be KISSED! Totally REDICULOUS
I've given up and decided that letting myself go only hurts me.. so now I'm trying to look the best I can and find someone who will love me the way I need.
You are not married, if a man is not willing to make the commitment then you don't need to act like you are married. It's not cheating if your not married. Don't waste the best part of your years waiting for some dumbass to finally open up and tell you what's wrong with himself.

November 17, 2013 - 5:20pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hey ladies,
I am 24 and my bf is 25. i also feel not good enough and unwanted. I only see my bf 2x a week sometimes 3 because our work schedules are crazy and conflicting. My issue is when we do see eachother those 2 days we have sex 1x on one day only. I live with my parent so he says things like its awkward and whatnot which i can understand but there have been plenty of times no one has been home and still nothing. I feel like when we do have sex he only does it because i say something. I doubt hes gay and he doesnt watch porn. He makes comments saying i always want sex. Ok? I am 24 young and only see him 2x a week. I feel like if it wasnt for me pushing for sex it wouldnt even happen. 4x a month if im lucky is ridiculous . I cry because i dont understand it. Not one guy ive ever been with turns down sex .. :(

September 28, 2013 - 5:18am
EmpowHER Guest

im 28 and my partner is 33 we been together 2 years and we used to have sex three times a day but we haveny done nothing for the last 6 months its bugging me cos ive tried so much and asked why he wont and also got outfits and tried porn and wat not but theres nothing he says its him and that he dont want it and will soon but i cant carry on im frustrated would nevr cheat and spoke to him so much i dont no wat else to do its ruinin our relationship as it makes me mad and upset and we argue

March 26, 2013 - 8:59am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

If you haven't had sex with your boyfriend in 6 months and he won't talk to you about it, says you'll have sex together soon but it never happens and you are arguing about it, you need to get into therapy together (or alone or both) or end the relationship because you've spent the last 6 months waiting for him to decide how he feels to no avail. If he won't talk to you about it or agree to changes, then staying the relationship seems pointless if you are looking for things to change.



March 26, 2013 - 1:53pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

he tels me he loves me amd wants to b with me and said in future about having a baby and marriage but its just the fact he wont lwt ought happen i have been through councilling as im para and say if he aint doon stuff with me then hes cheating he said its put him of wantin sex cos ive pushed him away and accuse him all the time wat else can i do

March 28, 2013 - 4:14am
EmpowHER Guest

Iv been with my bf for 5 years i just turned 21 iv known him since gr 6 we used to have sex 6 times a day and now rarely once a week i always beg him ill give him oral occassionally but rarely or hardly ever anything in returni gained some weight iv tried mixing things up in the bedroom plus i know he watches a lot of porn i feel worthless and useless and very sexually frustrated. ANY reccomendations!?? Iv tried talking with him and nothing seems to work i know for a fact hes not cheating iv been going to the gym n his number one exscuse is that hes always tired he works for my dad n there hasnt even been much work lately n so i dont see how hes always tired but he does sleep a lot too so im lost HELP?!

March 8, 2013 - 5:19am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

If you boyfriend is watching a lot of porn, he may be substituting it for you and has developed a preference for porn over a real woman - this can happen when someone is actively into a lot of porn.

You might want to talk to him about this.

If he is sleeping a lot, he may be bored or a bit depressed that the work isn't coming in - is he having money problems?


March 8, 2013 - 1:27pm
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