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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest

It's reassuring that I'm not the only going through this. I have been with my boyfriend, 23, for over two years, but we have known each other since we were 10 years old. We were friends until one day, one thing led to another. We had sex 2-3 times a day, it a was amazing and never felt a greater connection until November 2nd of 2015, two months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant. That's when everything changed. He stopped having sex with me and only did it when it seemed convient for him. He stopped cuddling me, holding my hand, calling me pet names like babe, beautiful etc. I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy in July hoping that after he was born, things would change. I was wrong. He's definitely not the same person that I knew way before I got pregnant. I am also 23 and am sexually active. I'm so tired of being rejected so I just stopped trying all together. I'm tired of using "toys." I use them when he's away and at every chance I get because I don't want him know I'm doing it and It's just not the same. I want the connection with him and I want to feel wanted. It's been 3 month since we last had sex and I just don't know what to do. It's bringing me into a depression.

September 17, 2016 - 10:47am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm very sorry you're living like this.

Getting pregnant two months into a romantic relationship makes things very difficult even if you knew him before. A romantic relationship is far different.

How is he as a father? If he isn't interested in a romantic relationship you will have to sit down and talk like adults and sort out co-parenting. He needs to be honest so you know where you stand and you can make the changes you need to make.


September 19, 2016 - 1:28pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend of almost 5 years rarely wants to have sex with me anymore either. He is 21 and I am 20 and we go to colleges that are 3 and a half hours apart. Formerly, when we would see each other on the weekends we'd have sex serveral times, but for the past few months he has barely wanted to. The sex is great when we do have sex, however I get so upset and depressed sometimes because I am always initiating it, and most of the time I am turned down. Everytime I ask him why he just claims to be tired and tells me not to take it personally; however it is very hard to.

September 2, 2016 - 5:51am
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend of 3+ years and I rarely have sex anymore, I try to initiate and am regularly rejected. This has been going on for approx 2 yrs. I used to have a healthy sex drive, however his neglect over this time has really affected my desire so that orgasming even on my own is difficult. But, this was brought about by a tragedy in his life (losing his mom). She got sick about 2.5 yrs ago, and he was caring for her until she passed early last year. I can totally empathize with his grief and have given him lots of space. I'm not sure what to do at this point - I love him but the lack of intimacy (even cuddling is rare) is having serious effects on my mental health. Does anyone have experience in dealing with grief and depression in their partner? He has not been proactive in healing his own state of mind and he is not very open with his feelings to me, although he does try sometimes. I want to help, he is such a caring man and I love him very much. Any advice is appreciated!

August 22, 2016 - 9:01pm
EmpowHER Guest

I wanna cry. I'm 21 my boyfriend is 25 and he just rejected me. He's been playing videogames for 3 hours and says he's too tired for sex... We live together, we have a 2 year contract on this apartment, and I seriously think I need to leave, but that would mean leaving him on the streets since I half of everything. I've asked what's wrong, he says he doesn't know, I've asked him if he has any desires, he says no, that he's not a sexual person.

August 16, 2016 - 10:54pm
EmpowHER Guest

I'm litterly crying reading all these comments it makes me that much more sad knowing there is so many females who are made to feel this way. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years (living together for 1.5 years) now, sex was never a huge part of our relationship cause he isn't an overly sexual person but when we first started dating it was at least once a week. Since then it can now be months inbetween when we have sex and when we do it's like he dosnt even want to he tell me to take my clothes off zero for play and if I'm lucky it'll last 5 mins. But then theres been a couple of times since we stopped having sex regularly where it's amazing and mind blowing so it's not like he dosnt know what he's doing its like he ligit jusy dosnt want to. I could go on for ever with all the excuses he has given me why he dosnt want to. But the worst part of it all is now he still regularly watches porn and gets him self off on the same night he turns me down for sex. Now for the cherry on the top he expects blow jobs on a RRGULAR basis but not once I will repeat NOT ONCE in has he ever gone down on me and I have full out begged. Everyother aspect of our relationship is amazing so I would feel stupid for leaving him cause of this but I feel like it's all me if he was with another girl this wouldn't be a problem for him.

August 13, 2016 - 3:37am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Hi, I was just wondering what your outcome of this situation has been? My boyfriend is exactly the same way. We hav been together a little over a year and about 10 months ago he stopped having sex w/ me. He has every excuse possible. He's even gone to the point of blaming me, saying I'm mean and it turns him off. He watches porn constantly. And he always wants blow jobs. He tells me he loves me and doesn't want anyone else, but I feel otherwise. I know the smart thing to do would be to leave. I was just curious about your situation. I never knew women dealt w/ this in relationships until I was in one myself.

August 24, 2016 - 6:31pm
EmpowHER Guest

It is comforting to see other women going through the same ordeal. My partner and I have been together a little over 2 years now and as everyone has stated, the beginning of our relationship was highly sexual; 3-4 times a week give or take.. Now as time has carried on, its more like once a month. I've never been overly sexually active but it has gotten to the point that i'm near begging him to touch me. I'm 22 and he's 20 by the way. As it has been saidby others, my boyfriend is a heavy gamer.. Once he comes home from work, he is instantly at his computer and i'm sitting like an idiot trying to get his attention. When i ask for sex he'd give me a "maybe later" or "Not today, tomorrow" but this has been going on for months.. I try to arouse him but he just ignores it or pushes my hand away from his penis. I feel so insecure and hurt.. I just hope all is not lost.. I can say he has a lot if stresses at the moment but if he has energy to play video games, he should have energy to have sex.. Is he no longer interested? Has our spark died out? Questions I can not answer nor can he give me a straight one.. I feel so freakin' lost at the moment.. I just hope we all will over come this.

August 2, 2016 - 8:07am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

These men maybe Bi sexual or gay this is what happens after a Bi man or gay man enters a relationship with a woman they stop having sex because they are getting from a guy. Try doing some snooping and see what you come up with.

August 13, 2016 - 3:06pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

omg you are living my life!! The past year my boyfriend has been the exact same. He works and comes home and plays his video games until bed. He hasn't been passionate flirty or sexual for months. We barely have sex once every 2-3 months it feels like and when we do it is not exciting or even good sex....I am so depressed it has caused fights. He pushes my hand away from touching him even if it is late in bed and we live alone. I tell him he's handsome and sexy almost daily and I hit on him and he just shys away and changes the subject. I am 25 he is 25 we are both attractive and fit people and we have been dating for years and we finally live together and how can this be so bad! I ask him if he does not like me or love me anymore, am I not sexy? Am I not doing something right? He tells me it is nothing, he is just tired. But how can a young man be too tired for sex with him live in girlfriend for months??? I am so sad just thinking about how unsatisfying your relationship can feel without fun sex. I never had this problem in my life I even asked him if he is gay because I am that bewildered and still no resolution. I am beginning to feel so sexually starved and unwanted it is a mixture of disappointment unhappiness and physical unrest I'm sorry any girl has to go through this with her man.

August 7, 2016 - 2:51am
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