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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28 December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest

My problem is like most of the girls here. We've been together for a year and we used to have sex at least twice a week. But since we moved in together it became less and less and now it's like once a month. We haven't talked about it, but he knows that I'm frustrated and dieing for some action. What makes it worse that I masturbate but it doesn't do it for me any more, and seeing him around makes it harder. Anyway I decided I can't take it any more I'm 24 years old I need to be fucked!. And in the same time I love my boyfriend he's a nice person. So I'll ask him for a pass. Just sex untill he figures what he's going through. Haven't asked him yet will let you know how it goes. It just seems like the perfect solution to me that way we could still be together and I won't feel like I'm sacrificing my sex life. What do you think should I ask him that or is too much to ask

June 10, 2016 - 6:55pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

Having sex outside the relationship won't help anything, it'll end the relationship which is something I think should probably happen anyway.

Your boyfriend does not seem to be sexually interested in you - perhaps the relationship has run it's course.

You're 24 and young and it doesn't sound like you have kids together! Move on with your own life and let him move on with his. Maybe you can become friends!


June 13, 2016 - 6:17am
EmpowHER Guest

I been together with my partner 3 years. We use to have a great sex life now I sleep on the couch. I ask him why he don't bother to have sex anymore and he says that his tired something always hurts him. I'm so over it. I know I'm not ugly in fact I have a few guys after me .. And it's tempting but I want to try and make it work. I feel like a why not just tell me it's not what it use to be and come to a closure. We function great but to me sex is a big part ugh I just don't know what to do .

June 5, 2016 - 9:37pm

I find it really nice and comforting to know that there are women out there going through the same exact thing as you. I think it's odd how women can deny sex with a man, and the man cheating is usually the end result. However, when a man denies women sex, we think of all the possible things that we could've done wrong. When in most cases, we did NOTHING wrong. It's so frustrating. I hate having to beg my boyfriend for affection, love, and intimacy.

March 1, 2016 - 11:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

@ashlee u 're right. Am going through the same. I have been with him for 4 years now with a kid. He was all sweet and lovey dovey to me but as soon as I had our kid he changed. And he act some type of way around my female friends, like he doesn't kiss me and that around my female friends like he's ashamed of me. But when we 're left alone he will be all over me.. And even when we re out he doesn't do nothing to me. It's like am walking with a stranger outside :( it's so sad tbh. I feel like am begging him for attention and that not like am not beautiful, I am and I have guys who really wants me but I love my boyfriend and I feel like he's cheating on me cuz whenever he starts his training class as he's always going out.he will stop having an intercourse with me. And each time we argue he would say lots of harsh words to me like. Do u really think am here for u?? I got my girl anyways so I don't care. And also he would say I am too young for his like!. When we finally make up he would apologise and say he didn't meant those words and he ain't got no other girl. Could he be lying?? Cuz we don't have sex anymore like I said. I feel like leaving for him without letting him know my whereabout. And I don't wanna cheat on him either. Could he truly be seeing another girl? Am I wasting my time u think? Cuz am always at home this few weeks with our kid, as he is out doing his training. If I leave now he won't be able to finish his training, because there's no one available to babysit our kid as our families re very busy. Please I need an advice, he doesn't appreciate me after everything I done for me. I been tru alot for him. Please I need to know what could be going on and know what next to do. Life's too short as am only 22 and he's 31.

May 6, 2016 - 3:21am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

If your partner is telling you he has another woman and is insulting you and ignoring you, what are you doing to stop this?

Tell him this is unacceptable. He's not your boss but it sounds like he wants to be. He started dating you when you were just a teenager; his need to be in control of everything is clear. Stop begging for attention and take control of your own situation. I hate to think of a 22 year old dealing with this kind of harmful behavior. If you have to leave, then leave.


May 6, 2016 - 6:18am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

I'm going through the same thing. We are 56 yrs old. We always had a. Great sex life for 5 years out of 7 yrs. One day I went into his cell phone and discovered he was looking and disgusting fat woman, looking at the personals in craigs list and he had 2 gmail facts nude r different names. He got mad at me when I woke his ads up and asked if he was cheating cuz that's just not his way. He said no and said that he was curious. I told him I consider what he did as cheating. Porn desensitized men . W false realities. He is also insecure about his small penis. I'm st my wits end. I l ove him and I want him. Etc? Help.

April 22, 2016 - 9:36pm
EmpowHER Guest

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we've just recently developed a problem with intimacy. It's slowed down to once every couples weeks, with me being the only one to initiate. I feel unwanted and shameful because i feel like there has to be something wrong with me for me to need it more than he does.... we have a good relationship besides that, we get along very well, but this is definitely taking a toll on us. I'm thinking about counseling, but I'm just starting to become hopeless

February 27, 2016 - 10:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years now. In the beginning he couldn't get enough of me, now we only have sex every few months. When I confront him about it he says it feels like a chore to him. So for the last two months I haven't brought it up thinking maybe it would change. But for these two months he hasn't tried once. He says he loves me and we still have a functioning relationship other wise. However, I have felt so alone and unwanted. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough. So tonight, after two months to the day I stated to touch him but he didn't try anything from there. So I asked him again why it's been 2 months without sex. He once again said because I make him feel like it's a chore to have sex with me, then he rolled over and fell asleep. I've been up crying and looking up online for answers or comfort.

February 23, 2016 - 11:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I do the exact same thing! & in fact I've been up crying while my boyfriend is asleep next to me. He tells me he doesn't want to have sex because he has anxiety and he's stressed but he used to want sex multiple times a day. I don't know what's going on. We've been through a lot recently but He just got a new job and Is happy so I don't know what's going on. He also gets really defensive and angry when I bring it up so I can never open up about my feelings. He keeps saying it has nothing to do with me. Although I dont find that to be true.

March 17, 2016 - 1:03am
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