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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28 December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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I find it really nice and comforting to know that there are women out there going through the same exact thing as you. I think it's odd how women can deny sex with a man, and the man cheating is usually the end result. However, when a man denies women sex, we think of all the possible things that we could've done wrong. When in most cases, we did NOTHING wrong. It's so frustrating. I hate having to beg my boyfriend for affection, love, and intimacy.

March 1, 2016 - 11:00pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

@ashlee u 're right. Am going through the same. I have been with him for 4 years now with a kid. He was all sweet and lovey dovey to me but as soon as I had our kid he changed. And he act some type of way around my female friends, like he doesn't kiss me and that around my female friends like he's ashamed of me. But when we 're left alone he will be all over me.. And even when we re out he doesn't do nothing to me. It's like am walking with a stranger outside :( it's so sad tbh. I feel like am begging him for attention and that not like am not beautiful, I am and I have guys who really wants me but I love my boyfriend and I feel like he's cheating on me cuz whenever he starts his training class as he's always going out.he will stop having an intercourse with me. And each time we argue he would say lots of harsh words to me like. Do u really think am here for u?? I got my girl anyways so I don't care. And also he would say I am too young for his like!. When we finally make up he would apologise and say he didn't meant those words and he ain't got no other girl. Could he be lying?? Cuz we don't have sex anymore like I said. I feel like leaving for him without letting him know my whereabout. And I don't wanna cheat on him either. Could he truly be seeing another girl? Am I wasting my time u think? Cuz am always at home this few weeks with our kid, as he is out doing his training. If I leave now he won't be able to finish his training, because there's no one available to babysit our kid as our families re very busy. Please I need an advice, he doesn't appreciate me after everything I done for me. I been tru alot for him. Please I need to know what could be going on and know what next to do. Life's too short as am only 22 and he's 31.

May 6, 2016 - 3:21am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

If your partner is telling you he has another woman and is insulting you and ignoring you, what are you doing to stop this?

Tell him this is unacceptable. He's not your boss but it sounds like he wants to be. He started dating you when you were just a teenager; his need to be in control of everything is clear. Stop begging for attention and take control of your own situation. I hate to think of a 22 year old dealing with this kind of harmful behavior. If you have to leave, then leave.


May 6, 2016 - 6:18am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Ashleeeeeeee)

I'm going through the same thing. We are 56 yrs old. We always had a. Great sex life for 5 years out of 7 yrs. One day I went into his cell phone and discovered he was looking and disgusting fat woman, looking at the personals in craigs list and he had 2 gmail facts nude r different names. He got mad at me when I woke his ads up and asked if he was cheating cuz that's just not his way. He said no and said that he was curious. I told him I consider what he did as cheating. Porn desensitized men . W false realities. He is also insecure about his small penis. I'm st my wits end. I l ove him and I want him. Etc? Help.

April 22, 2016 - 9:36pm
EmpowHER Guest

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years, and we've just recently developed a problem with intimacy. It's slowed down to once every couples weeks, with me being the only one to initiate. I feel unwanted and shameful because i feel like there has to be something wrong with me for me to need it more than he does.... we have a good relationship besides that, we get along very well, but this is definitely taking a toll on us. I'm thinking about counseling, but I'm just starting to become hopeless

February 27, 2016 - 10:45pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over two years now. In the beginning he couldn't get enough of me, now we only have sex every few months. When I confront him about it he says it feels like a chore to him. So for the last two months I haven't brought it up thinking maybe it would change. But for these two months he hasn't tried once. He says he loves me and we still have a functioning relationship other wise. However, I have felt so alone and unwanted. It makes me feel ugly and not good enough. So tonight, after two months to the day I stated to touch him but he didn't try anything from there. So I asked him again why it's been 2 months without sex. He once again said because I make him feel like it's a chore to have sex with me, then he rolled over and fell asleep. I've been up crying and looking up online for answers or comfort.

February 23, 2016 - 11:55pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I do the exact same thing! & in fact I've been up crying while my boyfriend is asleep next to me. He tells me he doesn't want to have sex because he has anxiety and he's stressed but he used to want sex multiple times a day. I don't know what's going on. We've been through a lot recently but He just got a new job and Is happy so I don't know what's going on. He also gets really defensive and angry when I bring it up so I can never open up about my feelings. He keeps saying it has nothing to do with me. Although I dont find that to be true.

March 17, 2016 - 1:03am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this but it may be time to move on.
Online sources can help in letting you know you're not alone but you won't get answers about your boyfriend - only he can tell you really what's going on. Since he won't, then the changes need to come from you. You're hardly making it a chore when you didn't approach him for sex for two months!

This rejection has gone on too long - it's time to think about your own needs and not live feeling worthless to a man who may love you in his own way, but not in a romantic sense.

I wish you the best,

February 24, 2016 - 7:01am
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year and a half. I'm 22, he's 34. We recently moved in together and it seems as though once I moved in, all intimacy immediately stopped. I feel neglected, unattractive, and unwanted. He tells me he's just tired because he works 10 hours or more 7 days a week. But he's never too tired to go out to clubs on Saturday nights and get trashed. He keeps telling me that's his escape and that he needs me here. He says sex isn't that important. But it is still an important part of a relationship. He claims he loves me, but I don't know what to believe anymore. I hate waking up next to him everyday and having to feel like I'm not good enough, that something is wrong with me. I do love him with all of my heart, but it seems that he is just plain uninterested in me. He only cares about making money to spend on himself and going out to get drunk every weekend.

February 17, 2016 - 7:45am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm in the same boat... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months... things we're going great until a couple of weeks ago... we usually have sex at least once or twice a week, but it's been nearly 3, and anytime I try to cozy up to him he just pushes my hands away, says hes tired, and rolls over and goes to sleep... he loved into my house shortly after we started dating and I've been paying all the bills and some of his as well... he has a full time job in construction, and is in a band, but somehow never seems to have money to help pay bills... I know 3 weeks isn't a very long time, but it almost feels like he's with me because I'm supporting him, and he knows I'll do anything and everything I can to make h happy... idk... I guess I'm just confused... :/ I'm so insecure as it is and this is NOT helping at all!

February 9, 2016 - 7:29pm
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