ask: My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

 
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I wrote in here like 5 months ago and I'm still having issues with him. I've talked to him many times about this and all I got from him after so much nagging is that he admitted to have an issue with porn. He is not porn addicted, he probably watches porn once or twice a week, however he waits until I leave for work and then he just doesn't want to do anything with me, and if we do, he can't finish or orgasm. There are weeks were he stops watching porn, but now there is a plot twist: he pleasures himself with masturbation toys. In the earlier months of our 10 month relationship, I didn't mind to add sex toys for both of us on our sex routine, I still don't mind.... but I realize now that all he needs to pleasure himself is just sex toys and porn, not me.
What I find very strange is that he loves to touch me and he gets hard all the time, he has also told me he's very sexually attracted to me, however he won't do anything, he just touches me and then goes to do something else.
Three days ago he told me he was sorry he hasn't been touching me because he's worried about work, he's currently looking for a stable job and he's stressed about it. I understand it, but I'm also aware that if it's not stress, then it's tiredness or something else, just excuses all the time.
I love him too much that I even put in my mind to not get horny when he touches me, I still desire sex a lot, but when we do it, I have a hard time getting turned on, wet and even have a hard time coming. It's taken a huge psychological toll on me.

April 18, 2015 - 9:25am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for the update and I'm sorry things have gotten better. 

There isn't much more we can tell you other than if things haven't changed from him, then you'll be the one who needs to make changes. 

As I usually say, if you are not happy with your relationship, change it or end it - otherwise you need to accept this way of life.  The choices are yours to pick.

Best,

Susan

April 20, 2015 - 2:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It's the same with us. He just wont touch me at all. He said my body is not sexy to him anmymore because he knows it. It not new. etc....
He doesnt like to touch me at all.
But he watches porn everyday. And masturbates everyday even when im there in the other room he finish himself. If I catch him, he stops and when I leave he keeps doing it.
We had arguments about it but he wont change.
He loves cuddling and hugging and sleep together I even feel he has a boner but he hates if I touch it.

Idont really know what to do. We have been together for 2 years I never cheated on him but I am afraid out relationsip will end becauseof this. Any advice?

April 18, 2015 - 2:05am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Your boyfriend has told you that he is no longer attracted to you - end the relationship and move on. Don't demean yourself by holding on and begging for sex. Not all relationships were meant to last and this one has fizzled out. 

Best,

Susan

April 18, 2015 - 9:37am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Your boyfriend has told you that he is no longer attracted to you - end the relationship and move on. Don't demean yourself by holding on and begging for sex. Not all relationships were meant to last and this one has fizzled out. 

Best,

Susan

April 18, 2015 - 8:32am
anongirl

I'm literally crying reading this... It feels so much better knowing I'm not the only one... My bf and I have been together for 2 years now... Sex was HUGE our first year and most of this... But up until I was forced to move in cause I was kicked out... It's like he wants nothing to do with me. I've talked to him about it again and again, but nothing changes. I'm a very intimate person... I thought he was too, but lately it's been nothing... I've heard all the excuses "I don't feel good" "I'm tired" "I have stuff to do" he even went as far as to say he was scared, but never elaborated why... He said before he doesn't feel attractive even though I tell him he is 100 times a day, and I truly think he is... But it's been 4 months since I've moved in and we've had sex like 3 times, and only actually finished once... and he's been basically pushing me away every turn, and talking to other girls on sites and keeping secrets... I feel horrifically fat and ugly and gross and unworthy and I don't know how to explain this to him... My depression has come back full force because I'm scared he's going to leave me for someone more sexually appealing... I don't know what to do or fix it... talking to him isn't helping...

He sleeps naked... and last night he actually was pushing his hips up against me while we were spooning... if I had not been wearing pants, that basically would've been sex right there... But while he's conscious, he wants virtually nothing to do with me intimately. He'd rather watch youtube videos of people shooting guns and building houses and forging swords than cuddle with me... and he'd rather go out with friends and talk to girls than spend time with me...

April 17, 2015 - 12:59pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Wow it's crazy that someone else is going through what I am going through in my relationship. I've basically stopped asking for sex and started pretending not to want it. My boyfriend is a firefighter and sees alot of crazy stuff everyday and always say he's tired but it's so frustrating because I'm a very sexual person. So when he says I can't wait to see you and cuddle that's just it we cuddle and no sex at all. And then of course he gets irritated because I toss and turn all night because I have so much trouble trying to sleep because I'm sooo used to having sex and falling asleep. It makes me feel so unwanted and unattractive. He actually scheduled a day to have sex with me and the he didn't even make sure I had an orgasm and it was over in minutes we hadn't had sex in a month. I was so mad but of course I couldn't say anything. When we talk about relationships I noticed that all of his previous girlfriends cheated on him, probably because of the same reason. And he doesn't masturbate so maybe he just isn't a sexual person. But I am and I need sex for my sanity. Usually I have to beat my boyfriend off with a stick I've never had this problem before. And I'm getting very tempted to have sex with someone else. I just need to have that intimacy. And I haven't had a real orgasm for months now other than a sex toy and I don't know if I can take it anymore. He admits that he knows he sucks at sex but he should be trying to get better. I'm very clean, keep the hedges trimmed and can get with it if you know what I mean so I don't think it's necessarily just a "me" issue. What to do???

April 16, 2015 - 9:09am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

It may be that you are sexually incompatible with your boyfriend.  This isn't your fault or his - it's just how it is. You can't make him perform a certainly way sexually anymore than he could make you. Since you have talked about it and he knows how you feel and nothing has changed then this may be just how it is. 

But don't cheat on him, that will not help and is dishonest and disrespectful - end the relationship first. Both you may be sad about it but it'll work itself out.

Best,

Susan

April 16, 2015 - 4:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My bf and I had a great sexual relationship until I got pregnant with our 3rd child. Then he stopped because he felt uncomfortable doing it. Our son is almost 9 months old now and we've maybe done it 10 times. Its excuse after excuse. I feel so unattractive. I get scared hes cheating. I just don't know what to do. I'm actually in tears as I write this. He just turned me down again.

April 15, 2015 - 7:20pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My I'm having a simuler problem of my own with my boyfriend we have been dating almost 2 years and the sex was grate for like the 1st 6 months we would have sex 7 times a week it was the best then it went to 5 then to 3 now hardly ever now and when we do its just like he dose not want to I found out he is go to the bathroom with his phone and pull off to porn at least twice a night and when I asked him about it he just went crazy I ask him y we don't have sex any more and I get the same response I don't know I'm tired I'm not in the mood I'm glade I'm not a lone but I'm thinking there is something wrong with me and maybe I'm not good any more I just don't understand it

April 1, 2015 - 4:55am
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