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ask: My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28
 
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

Add a Comment82 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

OK ladies, I am a man and want to share my story which is still on going. My beautiful other half and I have been together working on 6 years 3 of those have been living together as well. We are both faithful caring loving and share a really good bond together. We are best friends and spend every minute together. Our sex life is wonderful when it happens. The first 3 years we did it almost every night or atleast 3 times a week. Now after close to 6 years we may have sex once a month or once every 2 months and it is because of me not her. She has asked me why we don't and has told me she wants to and has tried multiple times and I just don't have the want to anymore. This has been going on now for over 8 months. I am very sexually attracted to her and love making love and being intimate with her but am having mental issues which are making me just not want to do it. I stress myself daily asking myself why and what's different. Come to find out it is because of a medical disorder. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to or anything it was a mental medical problem that was going on that everyone will eventually go through later in life and later into your relationship the longer it goes on. So if you truly love your man and know he is faithful and loves you then don't give up on him. If he can't tell you why he doesn't want to then maybe it's because it Is a medical thing which he doesn't know about. I'm sure he probably doesn't like not wanting to himself and is probably being really hard on himself and grieving and depressing and looking down upon himself over this situation as well. Just understand that it really could be something going on medically and that he may just need need you to comfort him and support him to seek help from a doctor and professional. If it's not all medical then even seeing a mental counselor or couples therapy or marriage counseling could be the resolution and resolve all of it. Don't give up and ruin something by cheating or leaving him until you know know for sure what's going on. Thanks for your time

January 22, 2015 - 9:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have this problem too.. It started out really early.. Into our 4th month of our relationship he started watching porn, when he started that we stopped having sex. Everytime I tried to turn him on he'd say he was tired, I'd check his phone and sure enough he had just jacked off. It was frustrating at first.. Then he decided he wanted a baby... Which made us start having sex more.. We were having sex again.. Even throughout my whole pregnancy.. He proposed to me after we found out we were expecting.. We had a beautiful baby boy.. And I've been ready to have sex a month ago, but he won't budge.. He can't even get hard .. So like many of you I'm depressed, feeling unwanted and unattractive.. I know I'm not fat and I didn't get any stretch marks.. My body looks the same.. So now this is making me second guess marrying him.. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage . I'm still very very young. I'm 21 he's 26.. I've never brought it to his attention because I hate being rejected.. Another reason I stopped trying to have sex.. Him not being able to get hard just tied my stomach in a knot.. Not that I want to compare him but the relationship I was in before him, sex was amazing! And we were together for two years and almost never missed a day of sex.. Even near the end we were still having sex daily..and he was much older.. So you can imagine I went from having sex everyday to if I'm lucky at all.. And masturbation is just not cutting it.. I want his hands all over me wanting me the way I want him ... Were happy but I just feel like a friend to him.. Our days are great so when he does things like kiss my neck nibble my ear or gring up against me, he puts my hopes up every night thinking tonight's the night.... Then nothing..... Why would I want to marry someone that shows me no intimate affection? He does the little things I think to keep me at bay with him. Idk.... I'm gunna give him two more months before I tell him that I'm not sure I want to marry him if this is going to be or life..

January 7, 2015 - 3:11pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wow im sorry you have to go thru that & feel that way but sad to say im in sorta the same boat. I been with my boyfriend almost 6 years and im now pregnant with my first child, im 6 minths pregnant and he never wants to do it anymore. It just makes me feel so unwanted and sad.. sad to say we've had a sex problem for a while now and I'm surprised i haven't left already. Its hard.. and he actually didn't come home after work friday night , turned his phone off and showed up the next day and we live together smh.. i feel like he cheated but he said he didn't but yet he's trying to be super nice.. i also tried to have sex with him just to see his reaction and he said he was too tired and refused to do it,...its just sad cuz now we have a baby on the way..but im not happy with my sex life...

January 12, 2015 - 3:21am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Don't marry him. You should never have had a baby with him, he is a porn addict who is uninterested in sex with a real woman.

But it's too late now, you have a child with him and you're only 21.  

Try your best to have a healthy relationship with him for the sake of your baby but don't marry him, it won't work and it'll never make him change. 

There is no need to give him two more months as there will be no miracle in that time. Your looks and body shape have no meaning to why he won't have sex - men cheat on supermodels! 

You just are not a match with this person and probably never were. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear but he's not interested in you in a sexual sense.  Accept it and move on to a healthy relationship with him as you share a child together. 

Best,

Susan

January 7, 2015 - 4:28pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have this problem too.. It started out really early.. Into our 4th month of our relationship he started watching porn, when he started that we stopped having sex. Everytime I tried to turn him on he'd say he was tired, I'd check his phone and sure enough he had just jacked off. It was frustrating at first.. Then he decided he wanted a baby... Which made us start having sex more.. We were having sex again.. Even throughout my whole pregnancy.. He proposed to me after we found out we were expecting.. We had a beautiful baby boy.. And I've been ready to have sex a month ago, but he won't budge.. He can't even get hard .. So like many of you I'm depressed, feeling unwanted and unattractive.. I know I'm not fat and I didn't get any stretch marks.. My body looks the same.. So now this is making me second guess marrying him.. I don't want to be in a sexless marriage . I'm still very very young. I'm 21 he's 26.. I've never brought it to his attention because I hate being rejected.. Another reason I stopped trying to have sex.. Him not being able to get hard just tied my stomach in a knot.. Not that I want to compare him but the relationship I was in before him, sex was amazing! And we were together for two years and almost never missed a day of sex.. Even near the end we were still having sex daily..and he was much older.. So you can imagine I went from having sex everyday to if I'm lucky at all.. And masturbation is just not cutting it.. I want his hands all over me wanting me the way I want him ... Were happy but I just feel like a friend to him.. Our days are great so when he does things like kiss my neck nibble my ear or gring up against me, he puts my hopes up every night thinking tonight's the night.... Then nothing..... Why would I want to marry someone that shows me no intimate affection? He does the little things I think to keep me at bay with him. Idk.... I'm gunna give him two more months before I tell him that I'm not sure I want to marry him if this is going to be or life..

January 7, 2015 - 3:11pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm a guy and i wanted to put my point of view across, but i definitely don't agree with that douche who commented last about women nagging and taking away a guy's manhood, he's someone who has been stung in a previous relationship and has turned into a woman hater, try to get a new girl dude and move on.

I personally have a big sex drive, and i struggle to meet any women who can keep up in the bed. I have dated women who are career driven, intellectual, super sexy girls, yet come to the bedroom its boring, 'vanilla sex'. The star fish type that lay flat on the bed, barley do anything to contribute to the mood, and will only have sex in the missionary position or riding on top. Vanilla sex is no longer acceptable for most men these days, variety is the spice of life. Even seeing some hot lingerie can be enough to get my blood pumping. If you can really hotten things up in the bedroom, toys, different positions, sexy underwear, let your inhibitions go a little and i think you will have your men jumping on you. With previous partners i have had agreements where we will make each other orgasm once a day, and it doesn't have to be sex, giving each other oral or masturbating each other somewhere quiet or even somewhere public can help a lot if sex isn't always practical. If nothing is still working, then i would side with one of the previous comments and consider that he maybe a closet homosexual, it's more common that what people think, marriage and a girlfriend can be a good cover story for closet homosexuals.

December 28, 2014 - 7:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It seems that the guys who replied here are so bitter towards females. We're all pouring our heart out here, and you just slammed "thank feminism" or "emasculation" towards us. No, we don't believe our guys are gay. In fact, if u read carefully, the person who wrote that was a guy. You said, "go ask ourselves"?! Yes, we are asking ourselves. We're not even pro-feminism. A feminist won't have to ask anymore. They'll just say men have mistreated women in this case. As far as nagging, maybe it's high time for men to ask themselves why their women nag! Someday, u'll be in our shoes, and an apathetic female would just say to your face - be a real man: control your urges and stop nagging.

December 28, 2014 - 6:34pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I feel for you ladies, being in a relationship void of passion, intimacy and romance. But all I see are YOUR sides of the story.

Have you emasculated your men? Chopping him down in public, embarrassing him in front of friends/colleagues? Overturned any of his decisions as a father to his child?

Do you act more like his mother than a lover? (yes, big turn off)

I'll put it to you girls this way:

What happens when you rob a man of his manhood? You basically created a chick with a dick. And y'all wonder why now your man is the one giving you the lame excuses that women usually give men to avoid sex.

Yes, if you've emasculated him, he'll turn into a female (plus the penis), and he'll start treating you like females do.

I suggest you guys look up articles about how you might be unconsciously emasculating your man.

Plus, you might be screaming...he might possibly be gay! Honey, I wouldn't be screaming that to the hills...remember YOU PICKED HIM! So obviously you don't even know how to choose a REAL MAN...you're always picking up sissies, closet homosexuals/bisexuals.

And nagging??? For the love of God, CUT IT OUT! We understand that you have a voice and feelings that deserve to be heard. But how would y'all feel if us men bitched about everything? You'd see us as grumpy, pessimistic assholes. Well...what do you think we say about y'all who nag???

I'll wait...

Just to sum it up...yes, men more and more are checking out of intimacy within their relationships. But instead of blaming him, and screaming WHY ME???, why not check yourself. Usually the one who is quick to blame others, is only doing so to deflect the negative attention away from their shortcomings and wrongdoings.

~peace~

December 28, 2014 - 4:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Ladies may I have all of your attention here. Now I'm a guy and all I can say first of all there are not thousands of gay guys secretly hiding it. This is 2014 and now days that's the popular thing to fit in. Secondly and most importantly guys are cleaner than women. We as men love to smell good and most certainly do not like foul smells that women are use to. A foul smell or horrible odor uprising from the vagina can be very unpleasant for the guy. It is THE biggest and MOST common turn off a guy can experience from a girl. Some guys are straight forward and will tell you what they notice and then others just assume not to hurt ones feelings, either way 75% of women have a foul odor reaking from their vagina which is very noticeable during intimacy, when girls are sexually aroused. I'm not a female so I'm not aware of what remedies would be needed to fix that problem. Word of advice before you start getting any ideas about your man being bisexual you might want to do a finger job in your own vagina and do a test smell. If it smells bad to you it will definitely smell terrifying to the guy, as we can smell a females scent way stronger than ones self can.

December 23, 2014 - 6:01pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Women have bashed men long enough that men no longer want women. Thank feminism. Men, Google MGTOW and join the movement!

December 18, 2014 - 4:07am
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