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My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28 December 17, 2009 - 8:02pm
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest

I'm in the same boat... my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months... things we're going great until a couple of weeks ago... we usually have sex at least once or twice a week, but it's been nearly 3, and anytime I try to cozy up to him he just pushes my hands away, says hes tired, and rolls over and goes to sleep... he loved into my house shortly after we started dating and I've been paying all the bills and some of his as well... he has a full time job in construction, and is in a band, but somehow never seems to have money to help pay bills... I know 3 weeks isn't a very long time, but it almost feels like he's with me because I'm supporting him, and he knows I'll do anything and everything I can to make h happy... idk... I guess I'm just confused... :/ I'm so insecure as it is and this is NOT helping at all!

February 9, 2016 - 7:29pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

Stop paying his way immediately. Let him pay his own bills and support himself. If he has enough time to be in a band, he's not too tired for sex. To be honest, it really does sound like his using you - please don't allow that for yourself, you are so much better than that.

Have a chat with him about what's going on and if he isn't on board with changing this, kick him out.


February 10, 2016 - 7:06am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi ladies,

Ive previously commented on this post mine is the anon comment of November 23. I can report that things in my relationship have significantly improved.

There was a point where I really thought that it would never change but I stuck around and tried my hardest because I truly believe I am supposed to be with my partner.

After lots of arguments, heated discussions and effort on both of our parts we seem to have gotten through to each other and we are both making more of an effort to be more considerate to each other.

I can only advise you to do whatever feels right for you! Definitely don't let anyone guilt you in to staying with them because they depend on you but similarly don't be so quick to walk away if there is a way you can BOTH work on your issues.


January 6, 2016 - 11:01pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. As everyone else here says. Sex was great for about the first year. But on the 2nd year it started slowing down. He is always tired but yet has the time and energy to stay up and play on his computer. Most of his attention is on that thing. When i ask for his attention he just says "i told you im a big gamer". But he didn't game until after we got together. And when i try to please him he rolls over or moves my hands away. And recently when i confronted him on how i feel about our sex life he called me a chore. I feel too insecure to leave him because we live together and have all these bills together. Ive been talking to other guys just to have a conversation with a guy who's not calling me a chore. Im not talking sexual or anything i just wanted to know if im the crazy one. I dont know what to do anymore. I provide for him so he can live comfortably. But if that's the only reason why hes staying with me i need to find the courage to leave. I wish i was stronger.

December 28, 2015 - 12:56am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm sorry to hear your in this situation. I normally don't respond to things online, but I wanted to let you know I'm in the exact same situation. We've also been together for 3 years, and in the beginning things were great. Now things are non existent. He has some issues with performance, which I believe is making him insecure. Personally, that issue doesn't bother me, as I understand it happens to some as we get older, but it seems affect him terribly. I'm also concerned that it's become more of an excuse for him other than what is actually going on. Obviously it's a factor, but he has completely lost all affection for me as well. If the roles were reversed, I would do something if it's just a physical issue (like go to the doctors). I'm to the point where I'm going to make a decision for our relationship because I've previously addressed the issue, and unfortunately nothing has changed. It's starting to negatively affect my emotions and I feel I deserve better, but it is also very hard to walk way from him because over all, I do love him. I guess I need to figure out if it is worth working through together or if I should just get out now. We are engaged, and I couldn't imagine the rest of my life without sex! LoL best of luck to you!

January 6, 2016 - 7:45pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am in the same boat. 8 yrs in, my advice Run. I have a so called gamer too. All I ever see is his back. No conversation, no sex, no going out together. Nothing, I am going to leave, I deserve better and so do you. If you let it continue they will never change. I know it's hard because I need his half of the rent, but I just can't live this way anymore. So I am looking to move. Find away.

January 6, 2016 - 2:29pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I've been with my partner for 7 and half years and our sex life is nonot existent I'm not saying every day or anything but would be nice to know they still want you in that way and I'm the same we have a flat and bills together and I've said if you want to leave just go but it's like having a flat share living with a mate he says he loves me but how can he when he doesn't want such a part of a relationship it's so hard I've put up with so much and it's hard I now want to put down roots and buy a house and now he's avoiding it totally! Wish he'd make his mind up ! Not fair on us! Xx

December 31, 2015 - 9:18am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

You are going to have bills with or without him - you really have to find the strength to leave - he's using you and has no feelings for you. At least no positive ones. You are strong, you just think you're not. Once you can start moving on, you'll get stronger every day. But it's up to you to make that first step. Your boyfriend is a waste of your space and energy.

December 31, 2015 - 8:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am in a similar situation as well. I am stuck on a lease in a place I didn't even want to move into for 3 more months with my bf and we haven't had sex in 4 months. When I tried to leave, he cried he would be homeless. Seems like both our bfs are using us to help provide for them. I wish you the best of luck and hope you become strong enough to leave. Noone should call you a chore, they should be grateful for you.

December 28, 2015 - 9:48pm
EmpowHER Guest

So many women with boyfriendsor husbands that just aren't sexual attracted to us anymore.. I was crying while reading the stories/replies and ... I know our relationship isn't and shouldn't be all about sex but damn, if I'm not wanted by him anymore, I really feel like leaving sometimes. He'd rather mess with porn than have sex with me ..

December 7, 2015 - 7:39pm
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