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ask: My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

By serah28
 
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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

Add a Comment68 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been with my partner over a year, he's fit, healthy, looks incredible (which I tell him all the time) we live together in an apartment I pay an extra $115 a week in rent than he does, i do all out washing, cleaning and cooking. I buy him the things he wants when he drops hints, I buy 80% of our groceries and pick up the bill 90% of the time if we go out.
I go out of my way to make his life easy, happy and fun. I love watching the footy and cricket with him and we have the same sense of humour. But he doesn't ever want to sleep with me. I initiate sex 9 times out of 10. I've brought it up before and it's always a half assed lame excuse like being tired or stressed or it's not the right time...
When I bring it up, I don't attack him, I just ask him why, and it's normally after a month of letting him decide when he wants it ( so I'll get it maybe twice that month)

I'm starting to feel now that I'm being used because I pay for everything. What's the problem?? Help me!!!

November 23, 2014 - 1:11pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon! 

Here is your problem:

"I pay an extra $115 a week in rent than he does, i do all out washing, cleaning and cooking. I buy him the things he wants when he drops hints, I buy 80% of our groceries and pick up the bill 90% of the time if we go out.
I go out of my way to make his life easy, happy and fun. I love watching the footy and cricket with him and we have the same sense of humour. But he doesn't ever want to sleep with me. I initiate sex 9 times out of 10. I've brought it up before and it's always a half assed lame excuse like being tired or stressed or it's not the right time..."

Here is the truth:

"I'm being used" 

You have asked and answered your problem.  Now it's time to stop being his lackey and take control over your own life.  You can do it! 

Best,

Susan

November 23, 2014 - 4:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Me and my boyfriend have been dating over 2 years now. The start was so great the relationship was great and our sex life was greater.as time went on the relationship stayed the same but our sex life has declined drastically.... idk what it is... I've blamed myself and everytime im left feeling rejected and depressed. I cry too much and he just goes on.

November 23, 2014 - 12:27am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six months... He's the only boyfriend with whom I've fought over not having enough sex. Around the first 2 months I noticed that he won't make any move; he just goes to sleep and that's it, or sometimes he would just touch me and provoke me and then go to sleep right away. He has also never liked to perform oral sex on me. I have addressed this to him and he says that he's not very sexual, that he has never liked the taste of the vagina, and that he's exhausted from work. Now at five months he keeps saying the same things, but it's contradictory with what he told me when I met him, he said that he loves sex and he needs it and that's why he used to engage in casual sex even to the point of hanging two sex partners on the same week period (without them knowing it). And now he just doesn't want to have sex with me, everytime we do it is basically because I've begged for it, and sometimes he's so cruel as to turn me on and then leave me like that and he goes to sleep. Now I feel hurt and unwanted and I keep comparing myself with those girls he used to have sex with because they did turn him on. And his reply was that I'm always complaining. I feel guilty for complaining for something I need. Help please.

November 21, 2014 - 11:19am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months, at the start of the relationship we were having sex (of some sort) every day. Then about 2 months ago, that stopped completely. I get that that was the 'honeymoon period' that everyone goes through but now that he doesn't have sex with me I feel unwanted and hurt. We both suffer from depression and anxieties and this probably is the source of my problem and maybe what's causing it for him. We had a shower together a couple of times last week and he didn't get hard once. We don't live together but we spend a lot of time together. The emotional distancing however goes to him hardly ever spending time with me even when we're in the same house. He started going to the gym a lot and I understand that he would get tired from that but the sexual relationship is very important to me and I don't know what to do.

November 16, 2014 - 3:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

PS. I know that 4 months isn't even a long time and it's something I shouldn't be worrying about yet but I can't help it. I have to beg him to even cuddle/hug me and he seems reluctant to even do that.

November 16, 2014 - 4:06am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My bf and i have been together for 4 months now, everything happened so fast.. After 2-4 weeks of dating I moved in.. When we are happy it's like nothing else matters.. But when we do have an argument it's the worst especially with his short temper which takes hrs and sometimes days to cool off, occasionally he would say leave and then say lets work on it.. Many times he would use harsh words such as I am not happy or I don't think we are meant to be and then everything will go back on track... His excuse for saying those words is I was angry.. He works 7 days per a week, I totally understand it can get frustrated but can't understand y he doesn't want to have sex often.. Like we would do it once a week .. I make dinner everyday .. He's getting fat cause he's always over eating and then gets lazy.. Doesn't want to do anything.. Even sex.. He thinks sex isn't important...His excuse is i work 7 days I am tired or i over ate.. He. I am too full.. For example we were supposed to go to the movies, he ate dinner and got lazy.. I on the other hand rushed home to make dinner so we can have a night out .. We don't go anywhere since he work 7days.. I got upset because I was looking forward for movie night .. He got upset when I mentioned I rushed home after work to make dinner so we can go out.. His respond was don't cook for me no more.. He act as if I am throwing it in his face about cooking.. He's very immature with words and holds a grudge for the longest.. So he got upset and stormed out of the house.. Came back hrs later and wouldn't sleep next to me. The next day he was still showing attitude... I love and care for him a lot.. Btw I am 33 and he's 28.

November 12, 2014 - 3:39pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

You are 33 and letting your boyfriend lead you around on a merry dance and you're still saying "I love him!". 

Stop the insanity. You've been with him for 5 minutes in the whole scheme of things and he is a temper tantrum throwing boy who is not worth it. Lots of people work 7 days a week - parents do it too, all the time.  He needs to attend to his eating disorder and grow up. Stop wasting your time. 

Best,

Susan

November 12, 2014 - 7:57pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi I'm having the same problem. But I'm only with my boyfriend 3 months. He have recently moved in with me and I now feel like it wasnt the right thing. I do ask him why doesn't he want to have sex but he never answers! I feel like it's me, have I put on weight? is he only living with me to make life cheaper on him? does he no longer find me attractive? I suffer with depression and its the last thing I need to be worrying about! He has diabetes and I dunno if that would be a reason he doesn't wanna have sex! I'm very hurt by it all cause I'm a very sexual person and I wanna fix it but I feel like if he won't talk about it, I'm fighting a losing battle!

November 10, 2014 - 4:55am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Moving a man in after 3 months is very hasty. It sounds like he needs a place to live. Ask him to leave and then work on your relationship. It's very early to be having these problems and you have your own health issues to deal with that are more important.  You both have things to work out and living together isn't a good idea.  If he cares for you, he'll work on things. If not, it's clear he just needs somewhere to stay. 

Best,

Susan

November 10, 2014 - 4:58am
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