ask: My boyfriend wont have sex with me anymore

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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.

I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.

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EmpowHER Guest

I'm having a very similar problem and it really hurts, I'm 18 years old and I've almost been with my partner of 20 for a year, we used to have sex quite often but in the entire time that we've officially been together, we have not done anything sexual at all. I don't understand, he tells me I'm his 'entire world' and he'd do everything and anything for me, well obviously not! I've tried everything possible but he always tells me he doesn't feel like it or he doesn't want to and one time he even started crying. We then talked about it and he said he was going to go see someone, but he never did. He seems to act like I'm the one at fault, I'm the bad one because I want a relationship which involves sex. I love him as a person and I do accept that he may not want sex as often as I do but he also needs to accept that this is what we need to make the relationship work. I can't live in this sexless, passionless relationship forever, we all need to lay it down to these men! They either want us or they don't, we can't live unhappily anymore! Good luck to all those going through the same issue! x

July 25, 2015 - 10:01am
sunempress90 (reply to Anonymous)

Been having the same problems, it's been more than five months for me! No touching my booty or anything. I have no idea what's going on, I do all that I can to make us closer

July 30, 2015 - 9:53am
EmpowHER Guest

It’s strange, because whenever women withhold affection from men, reject men, manipulate men, blather on about “faking it”, or otherwise disparage men, it’s considered funny, sassy and oh-so-cutesy. Or so we’ve been told by practically every comedian, sitcom, and movie over the past 50 years or so. And females are inevitably the ones laughing the loudest at these types of jokes and slights. Well ladies, who’s laughing now? Isn’t it just hilarious having your most basic needs and desires ridiculed and toyed with in such a condescending manner? Or perhaps it doesn’t seem quite as funny when the shoe’s on the other foot? Cry me a river - you wanted equal rights and now you have them.
Oh, but when women turn down men it’s justifiable because males must never be allowed to think that females are too eager or they’ll start taking them for granted, right? It’s a woman’s prerogative to play mind games and keep men humble, right? Well maybe women need to practice what they preach and start following their own patronizing advice that they so smugly dish out to men, such as “Stop being so horny!“, or “Go take a cold shower!“, and don’t forget to “Keep it in your pants!” (or your dress, as the case may be). Sorry ladies, but despite what you may believe, men are under no more of an obligation to provide gratification to women than vice versa, and it’s time for you to “woman up” and deal with it.

July 25, 2015 - 9:43am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon
What's "strange" are you complete generalizations and stereotypes. You sound like you have not had good relationships with women. That's too bad but but your bitterness has nothing to do with most women' behaviors.

July 27, 2015 - 2:59pm
EmpowHER Guest

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and when we first got together we had sexy what seemed like all the time. I moved in with him about 3 months ago and i can count on one hand how many times wee had sex. Ill make the first move and he'll just kinda push me off or ill go down on him and hell get off but i never get anything in return im starting to think he doesn't want me anymore but he wont say it.

July 23, 2015 - 9:01am
EmpowHER Guest

He may be suffering from depression. Low libido in men is usually influenced by mood and results in a low production of testosterone. Nothing seems attractive anymore with all the colour drained out of life.

I recommend seeing a relationship counsellor or something.

June 28, 2015 - 3:59am
EmpowHER Guest

Uh. A man here.. Sorry to tell you this ladies but the most reasonable reason that they would be doing this is because you did something to make them find you unattractive. Flat out. Women seem to think men are TOTALLY about appearance? No.. If the relationship is going south.. If you're controlling.. If you're apathetic.. If you don't truly care about his feelings (50% of American women don't..) then he's not going to have sex with you. Hope this helps.. Try to make him want you again.

June 17, 2015 - 8:18am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm having the same problem my boyfriend off nearly a year won't have sex with me even if I make the first move he just shoots me down! He comes up with Excuse that he tierd or he just ain't feeling it!
We use to have sex all the time and now I'm thinking it's me that he gone off me! He tells me he loves me but I really don't know whats gone wrong now

June 5, 2015 - 4:50pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This is the exact same thing with my boyfriend. A girl has needs too.. He keeps shooting me down saying he's tired. It gets frustrating because you don't know if it's something you did and he won't tell you

July 3, 2015 - 12:48pm
EmpowHER Guest

My boyfriend could care less about sex and it is so frustrating. Like other women stated I am going through the same feelings about myself. I have beat myself up mentally. He must not be attracted to me anymore.
I have cried myself to sleep so many times I have lost count. I have to initiate sex, doing that is so degrading for me. It has gotten to the point that I have to tell him what to do, it's like he has never had sex before. We used to have hot sex in the beginning of our relationship. He hates his job so I know he is depressed about that. Yet he doesn't make any effort to change jobs. I haven't changed, I am fit, sexy and keep myself looking the best I can. I love him but I don't want to keep living like this. I feel like life is too short.

June 3, 2015 - 9:17am
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