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my boyfriend for over a year just recently stopped having sex with me, its like it went from 3 or 4 times a week and slowly went to not having it for almost 2 months, every time i ask him why he wont play with me anymore he always says i don't know, i didn't want to make it feel like i was bugging him but i guess it just hurt when he said he didn't know? So i kept asking him and then i finally got a response which i just think he gave me so i would stop asking and he just said i feel like your getting bored of me. I've tried many times to tell him that its not really about the sex its about being with him and he still wont have sex with me.. i feel like i'm not wanted or i'm not good enough. I just want to know what the problem is, sex used to be a big part of our relationship and now its nothing.
I know it shouldnt but this is really making me depressed i've been crying more because of this i get mad easly because he just seems like he doesnt care anymore. Also i know he doesn't have a STD or anything else we get checked.
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My boyfriend and I are 8.5 years apart, we've been together for almost 2 years now and we just had a baby 6 months ago. He is a contractor, so a lot of the time his body hurts, but that has never stopped him from having sex with me. In the beginning, we couldn't get enough of each other, and we had awesome sex. But over time, we went from having sex like 3-4 times a week, to a couple times a week, to about once a week (if I'm lucky), once every couple weeks, and now it's been almost 2 months since we've really had sex and it's killing me. Every time I try to initiate it, he's too tired or his stomach hurts, or he has a headache, or he falls asleep before I get the chance to warm him up to it. Well, A couple weeks ago he got what I assume was a stomach bug and he threw up a couple times (this was when we'd gone about a month without sex), and ever since, every single day, he claims to not feel good or has a headache, and sometimes both. And I'm starting to feel like he just doesnt want to have sex with me anymore. I know he loves me, and he still shows affection to me by cuddling sometimes or he'll come kiss my forehead, but I need more. I'm doing my best to be patient, and some nights, like tonight, I'll kind of rub him over his shorts or boxers, and he'll start to get hard, and then he just rolls over! And I get so frustrated because I've been so deprived of that connection with him and he seems to have zero interest in sex, which I feel is just not normal for a man. Idk if it's a low sex drive or what, but he's seeing the doctor tomorrow about his stomach, so I guess he really hasn't been feeling well because he won't see a doctor unless he has to because he doesn't have health ins. So I'm praying the doctor can fix whatever is wrong so we can get back to to our normal sex life. Sorry this was such a long post.
Sincerely,
January 16, 2017 - 3:13amA very sexually frustrated, heartbroken woman
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I really hope this helps. Im going out of my way to share this with everyone because i solved it finally. I don't ever post online but I had to because I know the pain and torture of being stuck in love with someone who all of sudden is withdrawn and neglects your sexual and emotional needs. Our situations are very similar and i am afraid that even if he pops up with low testosterone and gets treated it could actually mask the real issue and make it worse. Sorry this is so long. I am pursuing a career in psychiatry so I knew I needed to get to the bottom of this issue and resolve the problem, it was very hard and exhausting because I couldnt become my boyfriends therapist, but through trial and error I found out how to fix the problem and I'm going to share how. Of course not all situations aren't the same so my solution may not work for all problems. In my case my boyfriend just stopped wanting sex so abruptly in the honeymoon phase of our relationship which was very unusual and alarming for me. I'm an extremely attractive person and know I'm very good in bed and my boyfriend is attractive and good in bed but he is also slightly insecure and doesn't like to have the lights on during sex. One day me and him were at the gym together like we always were and he gave me this look I'll never forget, like i was Iinsignificant with a hint of guilt. I instantly knew something was wrong especially since we had only been together for about a month. I knew in my gut that he was interested in other women but i didnt want to jump the gun and start accusing him of anything crazy so i just let it go but after that everything went south. He stopped wanting sex and he would reject me a lot. He always had the "my stomach hurts" excuse every night to try and establish that he wasn't having sex and whenever we did I had to force him. I ALWAYS do all the work (on top)and initiate it. I also thought it was odd that he never asked for nude pics and hed give me dirty looks if i ever mentioned anything that was sexual. I know he absolutely loves sex with me, theres no question about it and he has always told me I was the best and would even thank me. It got to the point where we'd only have sex about once a month and he was less affectionate and never wanted to take me out or do fun things with me which was a red flag. He spent alot of time on his phone and got sucked into games, his parents were really rich and he was very spoiled. He didn't work and would play xbox all day or go out with friend. It was all very strange because ive always known him as a very sweet guy and everybody who meets him falls in love with him, hes a real gentleman and very polite, ALWAYS opens the door for me and does really sweet things. He is just genuinely a kind soul and would never do anything to hurt a fly...but I was in for a rude awakening. One day I was looking at his phone and saw he had been "looking for girls who play playstation" on kik he also had a picture of some girls butt. I confronted him and he claimed that he did it because when he went through my phone he saw pics of me and other guys and did it out of spite (they were pics of me and my ex I forgot to delete and assured him that I didnt keep them on purpose) and i gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured he had way too much time on his hands and needed a job. I knew he was insecure about not having a Job and living at home which made me want to believe that maybe he was just so insecure that it was affecting his libido. I helped him get a job so he'd have more confidence but nothing really changed. I starred to wonder if maybe he has erectile dysfunction and hid it with pills (viagra or performance pills) or had performance fear/anxiety but I eventually ruled those 2 possibilities out and his testosterone levels were also normal. After i found a ton of different women's dirty underwear hiding in his closet i knew he wasnt lacking sexual experience either so that wasnt the problem. I really started to feel ugly and insecure and I was extremely unhappy and frustrated because I couldn't talk to anyone about it and when I tried talking to him about it, it would turn into a fight and he would just claim that he doesn't like sex often and he's always been that way (I knew it had to be bullshit). One day I walked in him in the bathroom while he was mastubating which really upset me because Ive been sexually deprived and he was "too sick" for sex yet fine enough to beat off. Ive told him since day one that im very open to new things and would do anything to please him but he'd never tell me what he liked or what he wanted i always guessed. i just didn't understand any of this and wondered if he had some fetish i couldn't satisfy. i had to know so i thought about checking his porn history to see what he likes and went through his phone ...I'm still in shock by all the things i found. Mostly the multiple email accounts and aliases for dating and social apps like kik snapchat tumblr twitter and much more.... he even asked for naked pictures of other women online and has never asked for nudes of me which was what set me off...i also found his extensive porno preferences which wasn't too crazy other than his obsession with cheating women. I was hurt and didn't know how to approach the problem so I didn't say anything and wanted to see if I tried applying the things he liked he'd open up to me sexually and he wouldnt seek other women out from all these dating apps and of course he loved it but STILL didn't initiate sex or change. I also know it wasnt my looks or my performance because i always stay on top of my looks and take very good care of my body and ive always had men absolutely crazy about me because of how great i am in bed so i was very baffled by my situation. I realized it could only mean one thing and it was the worst possibility and that he has an intimacy disorder where all of his sexual focus went to cybersex affairs and he was addicted to porn and completely left me out of the picture. I finally confronted him and he told me that ill never trust him so i told him I would never be able to start trusting him until I physically watched him log into all of his accounts and delete all of his apps so he did and STILL didn't seem interested in sex and at that point I was done. I told him i give up on him and I'm moving on. I started packing my things until he told me to give him a few days to show me that he would change. He had sex with me 3 times that day and has initiated everytime he actually notices and appreciates my body and gives me attention. Hopefully it never changes but I figured I should put this out here for all the women suffering with a similar problem. Don't be afraid to tackle this issue because if the situation was reversed just know they'd leave you or cheat on you in a heartbeat. Before you make the ultimatum make sure you rule out all possiblities first (insecurities, E.D, low testosterone, porn addiction, depression, cheating, etc.) and if all else fails LEAVE! Stand your ground and if they don't have it in them to just make love to you to keep you then youre not losing anything you're doing yourself a favor. Life's way too short to be wasting time, especially your sex life and sex is just as important as all other aspects in a relationship
March 18, 2017 - 4:29pmThis Comment
Hello Everyone,
I also face the same problem with my boyfriend. We've been dating for almost 3 years and for a while we've been having sex every 10 days - once a week if I'm lucky. We always argue about this. It enrages me that he used to say it was because he's old (he's 26 years older than me) until I found him watching porn and naked pictures of other woman. I know he masturbates and doesn't have the balls to own up to it. He gets offended when I call him out on it. When we started dating I weighed 130 ish lbs but as our relationship progressed so did our weight. I gained weight up to 165 lbs. I exercise on and off and have manage to go down to 150 lbs. I'm working to loose the weight but he doesn't seem to care unless there are actual results. He said he doesn't care what I do as long as I'm happy but if I expect him to be interested I need to loose weight; otherwise, I can continue eating just don't expect him to be interested. I understand what he's saying; after all, society demands women to look a certain way. I just wished he said that when we first started dating because it would have been easier to keep in eye on my weight and lose more. I don't know if I should but I love him. I want to make our relationship work. He is a great guy but he's just not interested in me. I don't know if I should let him touch me when he does because then I crave his touch more. He makes me happy in so many ways but in this part of our life, I'm crushed by his rejection. I mean he's twice my age, if he's not interested in me then what guy my age would be. I hate how much this gets to me. I feel ugly and grotesque. Sometimes when we do it he closes his eyes and I wonder if he's thinking of someone else. I wish I didn't care or wasn't interested in pleasing him in the bedroom. I mean i was expecting our relationship to hit a slump - they always do- it just feels to early for ours and I'm not sure if after I lose the weight he'll be interested or if he is just pulling my leg. I wouldn't mind him watching porn or masturbating if he satisfied me, but he doesn't seem to care to. I don't want to feel pain but i also have needs to be met. If i wanted to masturbate I would just be single. He wants me in his life but he doesn't want me physically and that doesn't make sense to me. What kind of love is that? He doesn't like the idea of me being with someone else to fulfill my needs. I've asked if he would like an open relationship - I mean he already thinks of having sex with other woman, touching them wouldn't face me at this point at least then I wouldn't be so sexually frustrated and i'd stop hounding him. If two people are interested in having a relationship shouldn't they both work to fix the problem? What should I do? Is this normal? Am I wasting my time? Is it worth the effort? I just want to be appreciated by him. I wouldn't focus so much on it if I didn't feel I was missing out on it or wanted it. I wish I didn't love him so much.
Sincerely,
December 23, 2016 - 5:34pmA Broken hearted woman pining for attention.
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I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half.... I do everything to initiate sex but it doesn't work... we almost broke up a month ago for more than one reason but he told me they we were not having sex enough which I agreed. He said "I'm a man I like to have sex all the time I'll never say no" well it seems like still we are having sex once a month and granted our work schedules are totally different so it's hard to be home at the same time but when we are like tonight it should give him and me more reason to have sex... literally today he bought me this sexy pair of underwear.. I put them on tonight pretty much rubbing my ass in his face and he diddnt even care really, than we lay in bed and I asked him if he was to tired to finish what we started and we talked about being intimate tonight we both wanted it..he said "yeah let's finish but after I find a jacket online" I literally felt unwanted like a jacket over me really?? Than 30min later he doesn't find a jacket and he rolls over and goes to sleep and tells me I'm ruining the mood.. I don't even know what to say to that... any suggestions as to why he would be acting this way?
December 6, 2016 - 11:54pmThis Comment
I have been in this boat with my last bf of almost two years... Sometimes it either means 1 he's talking to another girl and cheating behind your back. Or who could be sexting another girl from the other posts I have seen before responding you your comment if he is not wanting sex and says he does but don't watch for signs like how long he's out or if he hides his phone. But also it could be a low libido in whitch you can get supplements from a drug store or a nutritional supplements place. I wouldn't just assume right away just be weery and if he shoes no signs of cheating in that case is good. Try getting him a male supplement for his libido and sex drive. And if that don't work he may need to go see a doctor for health risks such as depression stress or something else best of luck you hope it all works out .
March 14, 2017 - 7:38pmThis Comment
I have the same issue. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and recently he's just not been into sex. Whenever I bring it up he almost acts as if it's a chore to have sex with me. I can't help but think it's just me that he doesn't want to have sex with because I've found recently he said been watching porn when I'm not there and he's drunk which I feel isn't fair that he'd rather watch his tablet than have sex with his girlfriend. I truly just believe it's me and he doesn't find me as attractive and sexy as he did when we first started seeing each other.
December 6, 2016 - 7:14pmThis Comment
It makes me feel so sad to know there are other people experiencing the same things I am. It is comforting to know I am not the only one. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. In the past 3 months we have had sex once and he couldn't keep it up. He is an amazing person that I love deeply and he would do anything for me - beside this one thing I really want. I have a high sex drive and he claims not to but he used to as well. In the first 6 months of our relationship we had sex multiple times a day. We moved into his parents house together for a short time as we were both uni students and I was mostly back in my hometown for my summer job. He broke his leg quite severly so I moved in full time to take care of him. We had more sex when his leg was in a cast. Ever since he has been in pain which I understand and am accommodating to. He left a very stressful job 4 months ago. Prior to this I wrote him a very heartfelt and honest letter describing how our lack of intimacy makes me feel and the fact he only ever wanted sex when he was drunk made me feel disgusting. After he quit I thought our sex life was back on track as it was happening very regularly again but that stopped after about a month. Every time I bring up the issue he makes me feel like I'm selfish for wanting to have sex with him. He has put on a lot of weight as exercising causes him pain, however, he still eats shit so he is not doing a lot to help himself. He said he doesn't like himself and doesn't want to share that which is why he won't have sex with me. He makes me feel like the biggest piece of shit for wanting to connect with him intimately. I cry so much all the time. This is an issue we have had for years - or at least I have had for years. I constantly talk to him about it but he always makes me feel like I'm a bad person and selfish. I feel disgusting and unwanted. I have thought about breaking up but i love him and he is perfect in every other way. I know he loves me but I just don't know want to do because as happy as he makes me I am also just as miserable. Last night he began to play with my nipples and nibble on my ear which made me feel so horny then when I was trying to become involved he stopped and went to sleep. I was so upset and frustrated I went and slept in the spare bed. It's 8:30 and he's not awake/hasn't realised where I slept last night. I just don't know what to do I am so unhappy all the time and I'm beginning to hate myself.
December 2, 2016 - 2:31pmI know some people posted a while ago - I'm wondering what you decided to do? Did you find anything that helped?
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I have had a similar problem. Before we met, my boyfriend was in a terrible car accident that has left his hip and leg very hurt. Despite this, he has been able to have a job at the hospital and we were having great sex, albeit a few times per month. After our 4 year anniversary and getting our own place earlier this year he has stopped having sex with me due to the pain in his hip. We've only had sex 3 times since we moved this past February and I dont know what to do either. We had several discussions about how to improve our sex life but to no avail, nothing has changed. I bought a sort of harness for sex that will make hip movements easier. Our hope is that it will help but it's still in its package unopened
December 15, 2016 - 12:11amThis Comment
Hey,
December 2, 2016 - 5:03pmI don't really have any solutions for you but if you need to talk please let me know. I have a very similar situation going on and I'm feeling broken from it as well. Idk how we would chat since I simply googled my problem and clicked the first link but I would love to have someone who could relate to me to talk to.
Let me know!
Hope it gets better!
-Bri
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Iv been with my boyfriend for a year and a half... i fell crazy in love with him...id never felt anything like it..our sex life was amazing...but very early on he started to cheat... some he slept with...some were to rub his ego... it cut me deeply an im still damaged to this day... i take him back everytime which i think has lost me respect...not only from him but my friends and family..iv lost frienships because of him... the sex between us got less and less... he would tell me that it wasnt me...it was him...he had no sex drive.... but he had a sex drive for other women as he cheated again... i got so wrapped up in him... lost my self worth an confidence...it got so bad that at one point i tried to take my own life as i felt so worthless...id hut rock bottom... after i recovered i cut ties..i never wanted to see him again...i started to get my confidence back..felt great within myself an started to realise hes the problem and not me..he must of felt i was better without him and moving on because as per usual he managed to creep his way back into my life.... he only sleeps with me when i leave him and on one of those rare occasions he got me pregnant.. a week after findin out he was a father he cheated on me again...now im 5 months pregnant an wev not had sex in 4 months.... wer together but its awkward... i resent in for comin back into my life with no intention of backin up his promises...sometimes its just over... i cry myself to sleep every nite as he wont touch me...but he expects me to accept his explanation that its not me.. im out of patience with him...done listening to his excuses... im up at stupid hours on google tryin to read up on y he wont sleep with me an they all say the same thing...to sympathise....how can u sympathise with someone who wont give u the time of day to talk about it... all i feel is anger toward him for all the betrayel....and as i said i resent him.... i wish i had it in me to cheat on him so he would finaly address the problem...like shock therapy and yes out of spite as i want him to feel hurt like hes made me feel but deep down i dont think hed even care... i keep tellin him if there is someone else then just f##k off an be with them because im at a point i dont care enough anymore to try as i dont feel hes earned it... i dont think he deservs my love anymore.. yes he suffers from depression but does NOTHING about it and now i suffer from depression... im so lost and rejected... sometimes its best to just walk away
November 2, 2016 - 7:08pmThis Comment