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I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year and although it has been rocky from the get go, we have managed to stay together and work through our problems. I am a 22 year old with a high libido and i enjoy sex. My partner is 23 and although he says he enjoys sex, lately he has been masturbating a lot. I wouldn't normally have a problem with him doing that but it has gotten to the point that he masturbates, is really tired, and then doesn't want to please me at all. When we first started dating, every time we would start messing around he would tell me that he didn't want to have sex; he wanted to wait. I was ok with that. Then when we started to have sex his excuse to not have sex when i wanted to was he was tired, then later it was because he didn't want to have unprotected sex (birth control makes my hormones go crazy & he can't finish in a condom), and then it was because "i wanted it all the time & i took the fun out of it because i talked about it all the time". But now I'm starting to realize that he has been masturbating almost every day at least for the last 3 months as far as i can tell. He even watches porn on his phone!! When i tried telling him that his actions make me uncomfortable (I've caught him a few times) he says that he can do whatever he wants in his own house and that i want it all the time so he feels pressured...i've never told him he is bad because he is not! he's amazing in bed...i told him that he's great so why feel pressured and he said its because i want it everyday and so i argued that he masturbates everyday, why can't he wait for me to get home so we can have sex or at least masturbate each other to get the sexual release we both want. he said he enjoys masturbating and thats why he does it....I can't get through to him that masturbating is hurting my feelings & getting me sexually frustrated ( I don't like masturbating myself, i believe that if i have a boyfriend we should be having sex or at least masturbating each other)....what do i do??
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Actually, a good idea is doing something that he doesn't expect. You should completely make sex unavailable to him at any of his requests. Watch porn, buy a big dildo, masturbate to it and if any conversation develops you should tell him you didnt realize how much a bigger penis made a difference to your pleasure but now you cant get enough. Turn him down for sex no matter how much he wants it. Act uninterested in that aspect with him. Walk around naked or wearing provocative clothing but dont make it obvious, just be casual. Make him feel as if you are off limits. Be off limits! Start flirting a bit with other men when you are with him...not over the top but just enough to have their eyes on you. Make yourself desirable and unattainable to him. Give in to sex but then stop and tell him you arent enjoying it or you cant feel it...finish with a toy or masturbate and make sure he knows you are finishing yourself. I know this all seems over the top but it has to do with psychology and works well with men as they are typically competitive and driven to please.
April 20, 2017 - 7:30pmThis Comment
My partner wanks every day and does not want me. He has encouraged me to buy a dildo I think he wants me to grow up and change. Is he trying to empower me. I feel played and totally powerless. Scared and angry x
October 21, 2015 - 6:46amThis Comment
I'm going there Sony the same thing I've been with my bf for 5 years n we was having sex alot n it let him want it we was like sex animals always tried something new we was really comfortable doing new things together then it started I found all these porno dvds n I threw them out n ppl told me stories about his parents saying he wrecking the cable bill of porno then I started catching him watching it on his phone it really upsets me I cry so much cause I have really low self-esteem as it is n he makes me feel so unattractive it's hurts me so bad 2 know he rather jerk off then have sex with me I don't know what to do anymore
October 26, 2015 - 9:59pmThis Comment
Hmmmm. That's not good. Try this. Sorry about that.
https://www.empowher.com/community/ask/boyfriend-masturbates-even-though-haveing-willing-girlfriend
March 26, 2010 - 6:27pmThis Comment
yes thank you soooo much!!!!! That gave me the strength to do what i have to do! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
March 26, 2010 - 6:58pmThis Comment
You're welcome! You're welcome! You're welcome! :-)
March 26, 2010 - 7:00pmThis Comment
I read your link but did not see a solution, could you possibly point it out for me?
November 3, 2015 - 6:25amThis Comment
Hi cdresden - You're not alone in what you're experiencing. Many other women have found themselves in similar situations. I think you'll find the information in the following thread helpful. Pat
March 26, 2010 - 5:29pm(note: bad link removed by Moderator)
This Comment
I tried the link but it said the information was no longer there...
March 26, 2010 - 5:58pmThis Comment