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I am 37 and my boyfriend is 30. We have been together for over five years now and are very much in love. We are on the same page about marriage and babies and are figuring things out together. I have never been so happy with a man or been with one who, though younger than me, is so at ease with himself and mature for any age. And he is super crazy about me.
The problem? It's me! I look young for my age and am what most poeple would call very pretty. I am super fit and active and bubbly and youthful. The issue? Well, recently an aquaintance of mine asked me if my boyfriend and I were "different ages". I just knew that she meant that she felt he was younger than me. I know that I shouldn't care and that in five years, this is the only time that this has happened but it upset me a lot. I see us as similiar. We are. If someone sees us together they usually say "hot couple" or "you would make beautiful babies". My guy is handsoem as I am pretty.
Any advice? I need to let go of these negative feelings as i don't want to soil our realtionship with my insecurities.
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I feel the same way you feel about the situation. I'm older 9 years older than my boyfriend. I really think 5 years isn't much in comparison. However, I'm not disqualifying your feelings. I too, feel that one day he will leave me for someone younger. Even though he says that he doesn't like girls his age because they are immature, I still think that in 10 years, those girls that are immature will grow up and be a potential for him. Its sad, too when today, someone made a comment that he looked a lot younger than me. I can't help but seek reassurance from him all the time and I bet I ooze insecurity to him. :-/
March 17, 2011 - 5:32pmThis Comment
Hey, Anon,
Seven years isn't much of a difference, you're right. And no one thinks so if a man is seven years older than a woman. But for some reason, there still exists a bias in society that that's the way it's "supposed" to be.
You pretty much have just a couple of options here, because it probably will happen again in the future, even if just once in a while. It seems like you can either:
1. figure out what has upset you so much about this and try to let it go;
2. think of a comeback to have ready the next time someone asks about it;
3. break up.
From your post, it sounds like No. 3 is not an option. Having been together for five years, it seems like there's some commitment there. So if I were you, work on the first two. And try not to worry so much about the word "cougar." It's actually a term that is used more for women who are dating men a decade or two younger than they are.
I think the previous poster may be right -- perhaps you are looking for validation that you don't look your age, and it hurt your feelings when you thought someone noticed?
If so, it happens to many of us at different times in our lives, regardless of whether we're in a relationship or not, or whether the ages in that relationship are one way or the other. There are just moments along the way in life where suddenly something really gets to us about aging. It might be the first time someone calls us "ma'am." It might be when we see laugh lines in the mirror and realize that the Oil of Olay commercials are targeted toward us. It might be when our son or daughter reaches a certain age, or when we reach an age that we remember our parents as being. Or when we have a few too many gray hairs, or when we hit perimenopause and realize that we can't fool our own hormones. They are just natural moments that happen to all of us.
Try to figure out why the woman's question hurt you so much, and deal with that issue. And the next time someone asks, whip out a reply like "Yes we are, why do you ask?" to focus the attention back on the person asking.
September 2, 2009 - 10:06amThis Comment
Well.... I'm not sure what you're looking for as to advice. It's easy for me to say that you shouldn't care at all about what other people think or say, but from your post it seems like you want to be more self-confident but just aren't there yet. Usually when someone talks a lot about how good-looking they are, it's because they don't really believe it and are looking for validation. I can't agree or disagree with you without seeing a picture, but bottom line is that if your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful, take that for what it's worth and who cares about the rest?
I haven't been on this site too much, but it seems like it's more health-related and this is a relationship question... or maybe I need to read more posts?
September 2, 2009 - 9:07amThis Comment