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My family or him?

By November 12, 2015 - 9:16pm
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Hi I've been engaged to a guy for about 10 months now, he says that his and his families views are different to mine. For example my family drinks occasionally, smokes, goes out to gambling, my mother has been divorced and married to another man, my family gets money help from the government. Whereas his family doesnt need governments help. He says he has not seen none of these in his family or relatives. He says my family is bad and wants to pull me away from my family. A few days ago we went to his house to speak to him about why he thinks like that about my family. He turned around and started swearing at my mum and yelling at my mum calling her a devil, saying 'you guys have no lives you guys get paid from the government.' He was just swearing a lot. I know that was not him. It was just his anger and a build up of nothing. What my family does doesn't concern him. Even if it's against his views and likings. My family has forced me to break up with him and finish everything and so did his family. No one has asked me if I still wanted him, they just ended it for me. However I love him too much that I was ready to forgive him for what he has done if he apologized from my family. My mum says ' If he has done this to us while being engaged he will make you suffer when you guys are married, he won't even let us see you. ' I can't talk to him or see him anymore because my parents have cut off everything between us. But me and him still do meet up and talk on the phone without my family or his family knowing. What can I do? Why do I have to let go of the love of my life and the man I imagine my future with, why can't my parents accept his apology when the times comes and everything goes back to normal? I really want him to apologize and he said he will when the time comes and when things cool down a bit. What should I do? Should I get him to apologize asap? We wanted to get married next year,how would all this happen?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi princess95

You asked this question fairly recently and here is my answer:

The bottom line is that both of you are not ready for marriage so take "fiance" out of your vernacular. If you get married, you'll be in for a life of hell and you have all the warning signs and symptoms already so if you go ahead with the marriage, you are accountable for all that goes wrong.

When there is a "my family or him" situation, there are clear problems. There should be an either/or situation.

It sounds like you need to separate from both him and your family for a while. Cool things down. Step aside from all this drama. Loving him just isn't enough. There is no maturity on either side. You both need a lot of time to grow out of all this shouting and fighting. Your relationship is clearly not working so stop trying to fix something that's clearly broken - you can see already it's not working.

If you are having these problems before you even get married, marriage will be even worse. This is not how relationships work. End things for now and live your life for you.


November 13, 2015 - 6:54am
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