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My future sister in law completely ruined my night.. please help?

By March 23, 2010 - 2:36am
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When i was a baby i was put up for adoption, recently i found my birth mum and we really got on. Last weekend was our first year anniversary so we arranged to have a party at her sisters pub, My future sister in law keeps nagging to meet my birth mum so i invited her and her parents. Big mistake! It was her birthday the day after! We all said we was not going to go over the top with drinking so we had lemonaide with our wine but my sister in law had 3 glasses of wine and as soon as it turned midnight she ran round telling everyone it was HER birthday! But soon after then her parents left cause they stopped in a local hotel but she stopped over at our house for the night. I was a bit upset that she tryed to take over our party but i carried on having fun. Then it got worse, My birth mums sister lost a baby a few years ago and they played a song that reminded her of her baby so we got up as a family and had a cuddle on the dance floor. So my sister in law comes in and we explain to her why we are doing it and because she was not getting all the attention she ran off crying! After that we set off a chinease lanton for her baby and she was crying cause it wasnt her that got all the attention again. In the end we felt bad so we got her a special drink and she rubbed it in my face! She was rude to everyone on the night, Even at one point going to the bar and telling them that she is allowed a family discount! Yes i tryed to enjoy myself but im so upset cause she has had 22 birthdays and my first year with my birth mum and she messes it up and im never going to get that night back. Then the next night my fiance spoke to her on the phone and she got her mates to text him to say he is a bully and we ruined HER birthday party. She is just rude because she did not even know anyone at the party apart from her parents. She sent me a text to appologise after people told her she needs to but she still blames the drink. I really dont know if i can forgive her but i dont want to upset her parents who are also very ashamed of her. Please can you give me a bit of advice? sorry about going on and on

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EmpowHER Guest

I really like your idea.

July 1, 2014 - 12:56am
EmpowHER Guest

bexiboo you should try to tell your future sister in law how she hurt you, because she was "out of it" persay she may not have realized what she did and how she hurt you. Best of luck :-)

April 6, 2010 - 10:12am


Rosa and Susan gave you wonderful advice, and I agree, you have to forgive and move on. She acted completely inappropriately, but she did apologize, which is important. If her parents are very upset with her, you can leave it to them to decide if they need to talk about it with her more.

The primary thing of importance here is that you found your birth mom and together, you and she and the family made a special occasion of it. The fact that a soon-to-be family member infringed on it and made a fool of herself hurts her more than anyone. Many, many families have someone who drinks too much at family get-togethrs. It's just a fact of life. But some of them do grow up, or get help if needed.

Celebrate the year with your mom. What you can't get back is all those years without her. But the occasion of the anniversary is still incredibly special. It's your future sister-in-law who was demeaned here, not you or your birth mom or your very special anniversary. And I'm sure everyone who was there feels the same, Bexiboo.

March 25, 2010 - 8:24am

Thanks for your advice. When i invited her 6 weeks before my boyfriend spoke to her and told her it was not her birthday party. and we all agreed! she was invited 2 a party that my birth mums sister spent alot of money on and she let us have it all for free.. i think she was very rude to come into a party where she did not know anyone and turn it into hers. when she said sorry she blamed it on the drink. she is a 33year old woman she should not blame it on the drink at all.

March 24, 2010 - 1:57am
HERWriter Guide (reply to bexiboo)

Hi Bexiboo!

I'm sorry that this woman ruined this special night for you but it's over now and all that can be done is to make sure, as Rosa said, to keep celebrations separate and that everyone agrees to it.

Being 33, we should certainly hope she would be mature enough to know better! But being drunk and 33 means nothing. At ages 18, 33, 58 or 89 - we all have the propensity for acting foolishly when we're drunk. The words "mature" and "drunk" will never go together.

My suggestion is to move on from this. She said she was sorry (no matter the reason) and hopefully she learned a lesson. We all make mistakes; it's learning from them that counts. Who knows? Maybe you can all laugh about it in a few years - family can be wonderful or crazy, or a mish- mash of both. She is your future sister-in-law so let this go and remember she is going to be family.

I wish you the best and how wonderful for you that you found your birth mom and have such a great relationship!

March 24, 2010 - 11:22am


I am sorry that your sister-in-law acted so immature but in all fairness you both had different reasons to celebrate. You wanted to celebrate your reunion with your birth mom and she obviously wanted to celebrate her birthday. Though I may agree with you that she was inappropriate and should have realized that the celebration was NOT for her birthday, I am not surprised by her behavior.

Although I completely understand your frustration with her, she will soon be part of your family and has since apologized. Forgive and Forget. And for future reference-- you may want to separate other special events from the day of her birthday to avoid any drama :-)

March 23, 2010 - 1:55pm
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