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my husband is ignoring me and my feelings

By June 20, 2013 - 6:54am
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me and my husband are getting into business,but im doing most of the paper works,and looking out for the making of the place for our business... we had a talk regarding getting a real life already,meaning setting aside his "gaming life" on online computer games... but recently he secretly registered a new game to play, when i caught him several times he keep on telling me he just wanted to see the game play.. but for 4 consecutive days?! i was mad, told him not to fool me! while i was busy working things out for our business he keeps playing at home! while i do all the work not to mention taking care of our 4 yr old daughter, driving and fetching her at school, cooking, etc. while he sit his ass playing the whole day till dawn to wake up next day just to do the same thing over and over again! he doesn't even sleep with me anymore! im so stress that i don;t even know which factor gives me the most reason to be mad at him... im getting all looking like an old hog while he's like still in his high school days! just this night i got so pissed i spilled my hurt feelings to him,he got mad smashed my things on the drawer, went down to play after telling me why im making it a big deal.. he deliberately made a fooll out of me with his "just wanna see the game play" now his addictted,im stress, been crying hard,no friends to run to at the moment and no one to talk to.. plus right at family dinner,he mad me look like a bad person, while everyone is sitting eating including me and our daughter he remained standing holding his plate as if he is disgusted to sit beside me.. all his relatives including his sis and bro looked at me in intrigued and told him to have a sit,he didn't even responded.. i felt bad,so i stand up and went to the kitchen,before leaving i told my daughter to stay and finish her dinner, ill be at the kitchen coz i looked like a bad person there.. i fell so hurt,disappointed and rejected... i dont know what to do, it's been 3 days already since we started being in bad terms... help... im so stress with the business papers on hold with problems, tending my daughter and running errands,i just want to have my husband back... he's been worst now... and im getting jealous coz he enjoys more time with his cousin playing that spending it with us... me and our daughter.. im getting so hurt and jaelous coz he prefer playing with his cousin and that stupid game than me... what should i do, i already tried warning him ill leave him if he wont change but of all people i know i cant leave him just like that,he knows i dont have much of an option where to run to,and he knows i love him so much i cant just leave him...

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HERWriter Guide

Hi devonaiire02

Thanks for your post!

Your husband sounds like a nightmare! What do you love about him? He doesn't sound remotely attractive!

Has all this just started in the past few days? It sounds like it may have but please let us know.

You're right - he's a big kid, living his life the way he pleases while you do all the work which is completely unfair.

So stop doing the work. Find a job working for someone and put your child in daycare or with family until you can sort something out. Stop letting him make a mockery of you. Stand your ground. The fact that you love him is a bit confusing to me (just because he was nice to you several times or bought you flowers or gifts doesn't mean he loves you) because he is showing no love to you at all.

Maya Angelou once said "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time". These are great words of wisdom. He is showing you exactly who he is.

Sit down with him and tell him things are unacceptable now. Tell him the changes that are needed. If he won't change then you need to accept how he is or you need to make the changes yourself. It's really hard but it can certainly be done. Don't spend anymore time/energy/money being made a fool of. Start sorting out your life as if he was not in it (which he doesn't seem to be) and make plans. Getting mad, sad or angry won't help.

I do hope he sees sense and grows up !



June 20, 2013 - 12:39pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

well he is physically attractive,before i married him he was the sweetest,kind guy,the kind that an average person would marry..but..we've been together for 5 years now... first year of our marraige was kinda like these,but after 2 years he somewhat change and made me think i judged him wrong and regretted i told him i regret marrying him coz he is a "spoiled mama's boy that i didn't see before marrying him.." i remember he was a changed man, he stopped going out at night,no more drinking sessions with his boys,he was like only me and her daughter, i didn't know what changed him back again now... he spends way too much playing online games now than before! atleast before he sleeps like 2am is the max time he is up. now he got far as 4-5-6am!anyway..

i feel so helpless really...both of my parents are already in heaven...my sisters got their own family too,average family with problems also,thats why im kinda embarrased to tell them im not happy living with my husband anymore..my eldest sister and brother are working in Middle east and Qatar.. i have no where to run, i dont have friends,i mean real friends here where we live..since i moved out to live with him far from my friends.. it all started when we decided to start a business since his work isnt enough for us anymore since our daughter is already growing up so fast and has more needs that before.. then came this new game, his cousins encouraging him to play, that time the papers for a business permit was on going and i was most of the time left hanging doing it alone, it makes me wonder,was the game triggered him back the way he was before?or was he just fed up doing things to put up a business and paper works? he started to complain about tired and pressured so i offered ill do it myself, but i didnt say i will do it all the way by myself till the end and he will just sit back and relax.. T^T

I tried talkling to him, he would listen, he would get mad, say things to be better next day, but i still caught him playing and not doing anything to help me... is there any possible way i can bring him back the way he was when he was only attending our little family...just me him and our daughter... coz i don't want my daughter to lose his father, growing up without him and all.. i want to save our marraige.. i just want to know is there any explanation why he has become this again.. so that i will try to understand him and try to talk in a different approach? the last option of leaving him is really not in my choices at the moment.. im still hopefull i can have the good guy back with me..for now i've been sleeping alone in tears,or beside my daughter.. cos his always with his game.. sometimes i wish i could just set aside my love for him and leave him for the better of me and my daughter, but i don't understand myself why i cant...

thanks for your reply thought miss Susan.. im just confused,lost and so deep in hurt.

June 21, 2013 - 2:28am
HERWriter Guide (reply to devonaiire02)

Hi again

I'm so sorry you are so hurt, I can hear it in your words.You're not wrong for loving him because of how he was for a while. People can hold on to the good times when bad times are happening and blind themselves to the here and now.

How are you approaching him about things right now? Do you complain or do you ask him for help when you need it?

You can say things like "I really, really need your help with starting our business. I can't do this alone and need you by my side." This isn't nagging or complaining, it's simply a fact and you're letting him know that his help is worthwhile.

Also try "I really miss you since you started all the gaming again. I feel alone all the time and want to spend time with you." Show him his worth to you - his value.Tell him how much his daughter needs him.

I don't think one particular video game has started all this, I think it's gaming in general, the influence of his cousin and a possible addiction to these games.

At the same time, he's a husband, father, and new business owner - it's time to grow up! The traits he is showing you now are traits he has always had - he just got better for a while and has now fallen back on them. His cousin sounds like a bad influence but the choices are coming down to your husband and he is choosing gaming and your cousin before his own family.

You can gently ask him what YOU can do to make the family better, even though I know you are doing all you can. But if you want to save your marriage, both of you will have to make changes.

Keep us posted!


June 21, 2013 - 1:25pm
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