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My husband masturbates in the shower almost every morning. Is it normal?

By Anonymous November 29, 2010 - 10:38am
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We have been married for less than a year and since we got married our sex life hasn't been that good. We have sex on average once a week or once every 2weeks, and most of the time i'm the one asking for it. Before getting married we were in a long distance relationship for almost a year and before that dated for 2 months and had a great sex life. But since our marriage and me moving in things have been going bad on all levels. We were fighting a lot at the begining and this obviously affected our sex life. I tried to discuss this with him but he said that we are both stressed and things will improve. Now i'm pregnant, it wasn't planned but it certainly not helping in our sex life. Just few weeks back i walked in on him while he's masturbating in the shower. I was devastated, it never occured to me before that he could be doing this. I know that he likes to sit in the bath tub for hours and have long showers in the morning but it never crossed my mind that he would be doing something else. He saw how sad i was and told me that he was just getting ready to come to bed and have sex with me. I knew he was lying and felt bad the whole day. Since that day, i'm obsessed about catching him masturbating in the shower. I'm definitely not letting him know that and i'm trying to find a way to make things better for us. I love my husband so much and i know he loves me but obviously he's not sexually attracted to me. Now i'm asking him for sex all the time, and usually he finds an excuse not to and sometimes he feels bad and would have sex with me so i don't feel bad. So basically if i don't ask for sex we don't have it. This situation is really upsetting me and i don't know what to do about it, i can walk completely naked in front of him and he wouldn't notice me. This is definitely killing my self esteem, it hurts so much having my husband prefering to masturbate while i'm very willing. Before we were married he was asking frequently for anal sex and i always refused and now i even suggested it to him and still he's not that interested.

Please i'd really appreciate any advices. By the way my husband is 33 years old and a year younger than me.

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EmpowHER Guest

Ok, how about this one? I am a married man, I love my wife madly and if I could I would make love to her every day. But at times she has distanced herself from me for long periods of time, where she will go for weeks without wanting to make love, and I even feel uncomfortable asking. I even asked if she would give me a hand job and she refused. So, I did masturbate, when she asked if I did I admitted to doing it, and hurt her feelings. I understand if she physically or emotionally cannot have sex, and I will not force her to, nor will I ever cheat on her. But, some men need to ejaculate at least once every week to ten days or so, otherwise we start feeling anxious...it is something women will never understand, but guys reading this will relate...honestly, how long can you go without ejaculating? I feel my wife is holding my penis hostage...if she does not want sex, fine, if she does not want to give me a hand job (really, thats all she would need to do to keep me happy) I feel she has no right to be upset if I masturbate. It is not like I am cheating on her with another woman. Some guys will do that. I will not. Any comments and advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

September 23, 2016 - 4:58pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Your wife has no right to control your body, no more than you have the right to do it to her.

Masturbation is normal and healthy - everybody does it - even primates do it. Do what you need to do, especially if it's your only sexual outlet.

September 26, 2016 - 1:49pm
EmpowHER Guest

First things first. What's wrong in masturbation? It is as natural phenomenon as any female's periods. Of course the urge needs to be controlled at some time, but doing it daily is not bad or too much. Face is also that women too do it and enjoy themselves. Best thing now is that you can help him masturbate by giving him a very nice, hygienic hand job, if you don't like giving a blowjob.

August 16, 2016 - 10:30am
EmpowHER Guest

Are you kidding...hes not cheating on you i dont know why your upset everyone masterbates thats all there is dont jump to conclutions

August 6, 2016 - 11:02am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Don't know if your male or female. But if you are a female I can believe how you all consider yourselves so enlightened and yet are willing to be sold a bill of goods. Of course most psychologists are male society keeps telling women this is normal. Good. And even beneficial and if you feel bad you are the one with the problem. Maybe this worked back in the pioneer days but I can't believe this is still working in this day and age. Men in a community toted relationship DO NOT have to masturbate. They just want to watch other people having sex (via porn) and imagine themselves participating or do the same in their fantasies where they often think about having sex with a multitude of other women. THIS IS INFIDELITY WITHOUT THE PENETRATION. if you women are ok with this you have no self respect and men will always have control over you. Stop buying into this garbage. You deserve more

September 29, 2016 - 4:57am
EmpowHER Guest

I'm sorry, but it's not about you. Chances are he has more need than you have desire, and instead of constantly coming after you for sex and be made to feel guilty and selfish for it (like my wife has done to me for over a decade, so I'm speaking from experience here) he's taking matters into his own hands quickly and in a way that doesn't run it in your face. A lesser man would cheat, understand that loud and clear.
You need to stop assuming you know things, especially if you won't speak to him about it. Masturbating does not in any way, shape or form indicate that he is no longer attracted to you. For all you know he's fantasizing about you, but you have already reached your conclusion without asking.
Another comment mentioned things he may want that you won't do, possibly anal or some fetish things. This could be true, too. I'm lucky in that my wife enjoys anal, and when we do have sex it ends in anal about half the time, but if she didn't enjoy it, I'd certainly look for an outlet for that want. He may be doing that instead of pushing you into things you don't enjoy.
Considering your reaction, I would certainly hope you don't touch yourself either, and if you do, realize your reasons are probably pretty similar. Stop freaking out and feeling victimized, this isn't an attack or judgement on you, he wants to cum. Either get involved and expand your horizons or chill out and accept it. Hell, next time watch him or give him some eye candy to work with. That never goes unappreciated, I promise you that.

June 5, 2016 - 9:08am
EmpowHER Guest

He's pounding it out in the shower because he just needs to hit it and quit it. If he did that with you, you'd feel used. He wants anal because he watches internet porn. All guys do it. If you're still having sex once or twice a week, I wouldn't worry about it.

May 29, 2016 - 2:48am
EmpowHER Guest

I have a similar story that I just happend to discover this morning ....I'm devastated as well

December 2, 2015 - 12:56pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am 24 weeks pregnant and my husband has been a great support throughout my pregnancy however I cannot help but wonder where he is venting his sexual energy. I think I smelt cum this morning in the down stairs loo. If he is just having a wank then fine but if he using porn as well then I will be really hurt. It doesn't matter how many replies I see from guys saying that there's nothing to worry about, it doesn't reflect his feelings for the relationship etc - while this may be true, the possibility remains that for a few moments my husband, quite simply, could be lost in another woman. I have a great figure, not like a porn star but it's pretty good so I'm not too bothered about the physical aspects. I'm sure that there are plenty of men out there who feel insecure about their endowments when they see their mail counterparts thrusting endlessly away! I can't quite put my finger on why it hurts so much. It just does. We have a great relationship but I am scared to bring up this topic because I don't want to spoil the wonderful journey of our pregnancy so far.

April 8, 2015 - 4:20am
EmpowHER Guest

My wife masterbstes more than I do and we have sex like every 2 to 3 weeks. WTF is going on? I am a horny husband and I feel these vibrators are quick fast and she is done. I am about romance, sensualism and seduction. I am lean, fit and have hundreds of other women throwing themselves at me. What is wrong here? We have a 3 and 5/year old. But I still think a woman should take care of her man. Not even a f#%&kin BJ. Sorry venting...

March 30, 2015 - 7:54am
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