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ask: My husband no longer desires me sexually

By Anonymous
 
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My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and a half and her just told me recently that he no longer desires me sexually. He says that he still finds me attractive. We are only 23 and 25. We talked it over and decided that we need to go marriage counselling. But, when I ask him if there is anything I can do to make him want me, he says he doesn't know. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. I also asked him if he thought it could be a low sex drive and he said no cause he still self pleasures. I'm lost, and don't know what to do.

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amilah

I can't help but comment on this, and my honest opinion is for you to seriously consider leaving this relationship now. I hope you don't have a child with him yet, that will make it harder. You are only 23!
I have been in 2 marriages and the sexual attraction can wane, but it can also come back. I can't imagine a man so young could actually say he no longer is attracted to you sexually but everything else is fine (so I assume by your note) He is lying about something, I'm sorry to say. You have a wonderful life ahead of you and sex with the one you love (mutual love and attraction) is your right as a human being. You seem like a loving person. Good luck to you. Make sure you get a therapist who specializes in sexuality and don't drain all your savings in therapy. If your husband does not respond in 2-3 months of therapy make some hard decisions and take action for your life. xo

March 18, 2013 - 11:19pm
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Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your question. I am sorry you are having marital issues with sexual encounters. What is a common misconception about marriage is that the butterflies and excitment will always be there. Unfortunately, these feelings tend to fade after a while and individuals get comfortable while something like sex becomes more of a chore for some people. This is not that uncommon as you can read  relationship research which shows that sex is usually the first to succumb to the comfort of marriage. Companionship is a virtue in marriage and counseling is the right direction since you both are very young and "forever" is a term that most of us can only assume. I hope this helps and keep us posted on your counseling. Keep communicating - thats the key to marriage!

 

Good luck,

Missie

March 10, 2013 - 6:23am
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