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my live in boyfriend of 6 months doesnt want to have sex with me anymore.

By Anonymous February 24, 2011 - 10:58am
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he doesnt have a phone or computer and is never "late" from work so hes not cheating im 100% sure but we used to do it every night now its once or twice a month i ask him constantly why he doesnt want to and he always says "i do just not now" he still always wants to cuddle and be close just not have sex should i be worried? he turns 23 next month he should be in his prime.... im terribly worried

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How is your overall relationship?

From your post (your exact words), this is what I read:
- you are terribly worried
- you constantly ask him why
- he tells you honestly, "I do, just not now"
- you have sex 1-2 times per month

Honestly, it sounds more like a communication issue than a sex issue. I do not know why you are "terribly worried" other than dramatizing the situation, and constantly asking someone a question would result in the same answer...right?

A healthier way to deal with this situation would be to be curious, and have a conversation about your goals, wants, needs, desires, interests. There are many things this would include, one of them would be in regards to your sexual relationship. If you are wanting to have sex more often, and he is wanting sex less often..it is just a problem with quantity/frequency. Nothing more. If you are wanting more physical intimacy throughout the day, tell him exactly how/what/where. Then, ask him what he feels about his sexual relationship. Does he want to have sex more often, too, or is he fine with a few times a month? Would he want more physical intimacy in other ways? Does he want to be close with you, but also wants time to do other things in life (ie, not be in bed all the time having sex), but enjoy other things with you, with his friends, and alone? These are all healthy ways to learn more about your boyfriend, learn more about yourself, and grow into a mature relationship.

Sex frequency does lessen as couples find other things that they enjoy doing together. If you are wanting more sex, ask him how you two can compromise on meeting each other's needs. Would he be open to increased frequency if he had more time or less stress? How could you help this happen for him? If you are actually just wanting more physical closeness, you can tell him you like more kisses throughout the day (or, whatever it is for you). If you are wanting more emotional connection, what can you do together to make this happen?

You would also need to be willing to change some of your behaviors to meet his needs. You can also make sure you are making yourself happy in other ways through spending time with your friends, as well as alone doing the things you love. Make sure you are not expecting him to fulfill all of your wants, needs, desires...you also need to provide this to yourself.

Just some ideas to think about, to take the drama out of the situation and think about your relationship long-term in learning how to effectively communicate with one another.

February 24, 2011 - 11:49am
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