Thanks in advance for reading my post,
I'm 22 years of age, my partner and I have a long history together, we have known eachother since primary school.
We have a very special connection.. we seem to understand eachother on all levels, we both have alot of respect for eachother.
He proposed to me in 2009.. I said yes I love him alot, but have never been entirely happy with the situation ..he has cystic fibrosis and I'm embarassed to say but I don't find him attractive, which I believe may have alot to do with his health-I really want to but can't see past it (cystic fibrosis is a life threatening illness which shortens lifespan often to 35/40yrs at best and sees him in hospital each year sometimes up to 6weeks at a time) my family are completely against it and I am not close to his family at all (hence my posting here for advice).
I have now called off the engagement, It was causing me so much turmoil, I'd find myself dreaming constantly of being with a 'better' version of him ..without the illness, with a different family, my family being happy etc.
I know this isn't fair on him either so I have told him how I feel ..he knows.
I have broken off the relationship completely ..several times and told him he should be with someone who does not see his health the same way I do and sees past it without even trying.
when I have broken it off before, I ignore the urge to contact him or go back on my word and the fact that it feels like my whole world has gone with him because I think we should both move on, but he always comes back and tells me no matter what I choose he wants to be there for me and that whoever I end up with better treat me like he does, that or he phones me in tears telling me he can't understand how we aren't meant to be, and because we have that connection I am never able to stick to my word, we end up together again and the cycle repeats.
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