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no sex drive and feeling loose

By August 18, 2011 - 6:28am
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hello i am 21 i have no sex drive i have felt like this for about 2 years . i also feel like i a "baggy and abit numb" downstairs, when we do have sex it seems to collect air then push it back out which causes alot of embarrassment i do feel him but not quite as much as i used to and i do get very wet which makes it quite hard for him not to slip about abit . i bought a kegl8 machine and i've been using it for nearly a year with not much change. i do have 2 children (3 and 1&ahalf) . i have body issues with my boobs due to feeding for 11 months. i find it had to start sex like asking him i have lost masses of confidence since having the kids. but my issues are makin our relationship very tense and stressful as he feels i dont try and dont care. i know i want sex but my body and brain dont seem to wanna talk to each other.
any help would be great thanks

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HERWriter Guide


Please don't give up! Please talk to your doctor about how you feel - it's normal to feel this way but you need help to start getting better!

Getting up and getting help is by far the hardest part but I promise you that it will be the best thing you ever did. Please think seriously about this and let me know what else we can do to get you into seeing someone. You will be so glad you did!

August 18, 2011 - 9:52am

no am kinda on my own i have no friends or soical life i tried to talk to my mum but she hasnt had that problem so i left it at that but thank you

August 18, 2011 - 9:48am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Lotte

Thanks for your post and please know that you are not alone (by a long shot) with how you are feeling.

It sounds like your vaginal births has caused your vagina to stretch - please keep up with the Kagels as it can take time to regain the muscles that were stretched. If nothing works, you can talk to your doctor about other options including surgery.

It also sounds like you are upset that your body isn't the same as it was before kids. That's also very natural. But you are very young and you need to make the time to work out and eat properly. Exercising (early in the morning, after the kids go to bed or anytime during the day when you have someone else at home) get out and walk, walk, walk! If you have a community center near you, use it for it's gym equipment and I cannot recommend swimming enough. If you make the time to do this at least three times per week and eat a healthy diet, you WILL see results. I know finding time is hard but we all have 24 hours in a day and it really can be done! Exercising is a tremendous boost (it stimulates chemicals in our brains like dopamine and serotonin that make us feel good) to our sense of well-being so exercise is great for both body and brain.

Your husband needs to read up a little bit on what happens to a women post-partum so that he's more understanding.

You should also talk to your doctor to see if you may have post-partum depression that has remained untreated.

Do you have other support like family or girlfriends to talk to?


August 18, 2011 - 7:17am
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