Or at least, not with my partner. I'm 43 years old, heterosexual, monogamous. I HAVE had vaginal orgasms with a vibrator, but never with a partner. Clitoral stimulation with oral sex is usually the only way I'll orgasm with a partner.
I'm beginning to understand that this is actually more normal than not. I just finished reading an article that said about 75% of women never reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So I keep telling myself there's nothing "wrong" with me. But this doesn't help much with my current situation.
I've been seeing a man for about six months now. He really does seem to enjoy sex with me, but he wants so much to bring me to orgasm that, well, it's actually hurting me. I'm kind of small--my practitioner usually has to use a pediatric speculum on me. The longer my boyfriend goes at it, the more sore and swollen I get, which pretty much ends any chance of me having an orgasm, even if he then tries to perform oral sex on me.
On one hand, it's heartwarming to me that he seems concerned about my pleasure. He not only is willing to "hold out", but has the ability to keep himself from orgasm until I've had one--which still hasn't happened yet. I usually have to make him stop and then perform oral sex on him--I don't want him to miss out just because I am.
As far as oral sex goes, he certainly seems willing to perform it on me, but he doesn't know his own strength. Somewhere along the line, he's gotten the idea that "harder, faster" is the way to come to orgasm, and that just doesn't work with me. It hurts, and I usually have to make him stop.
I know I should just have a loving but frank discussion with him about this, but I'm afraid that either, A) he'll come to the conclusion that I'm too boring for him, or B) he'll somehow take it as a reflection on him--like there's something "wrong" with him. Which I don't think is true at all. I just think we need to practice our techniques.
Most recently, he tried anal sex with me, and I had to make him stop immediately; it hurt too much. We continued with just vaginal intercourse, and that was a mistake. I ended up with a severe case of honeymooner's cystitis that went up into my kidney. This brings things to a head, if you'll pardon the expression. I really should talk to him, but I don't know how to broach the subject. And despite the information I've gathered about vaginal orgasms, I still feel inadequate somehow. I've thought about a sex therapist, but I don't have any insurance, and good grief, a session costs at least $200. So what are your thoughts? Any other women out there with a dearth of vaginal orgasms? What did you and your partners do? I'd really appreciate any anecdotes or advice.
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