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Physicsical Affectiom

By Anonymous May 2, 2016 - 11:28pm
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So, I have a perplexing situation that I desperately need clarity on.
My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We got married suddenly within 2 months of knowing each other. We were sexually active from the start. We would both initiate sex and it wouldn't be a problem. However he would not allow me to show him any other signs of physical affection outside of sex (kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding hands etc.)
I thought I'd simply give it time and he would come around to it. Now it's been 3 years and he loves to initiate any form of physical affection. He hugs, kisses, cuddles, and holds me. But here comes the tricky part! He never allows me to initiate touching him unless on the rare occasion and after just a couple seconds he tells me to stop!! He will never allow me to simply give him a back massage unless he specifically asked fit it. He doesn't allow me to kiss him spontaneously. I have to ask him, but even then he often says no!

I don't understand why he feels so comfortable giving affection but doesn't like receiving it.
It really makes me confused and mad at times! I want to show him so much love and I have to sit there with my hands holded. It KILLS me!!
Is it a common thing for men to do?? Can a childhood trauma cause this??
Does anyone else's husband do this??
Thanks for any input in advance.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Sarah

Thanks for your post!

This does seem a bit unusual as you say. There could be many reasons for this. Some men prefer to initiate affection - maybe they like to be in charge or have things on their own terms.

Maybe he just doesn't like affection until he is emotionally or physically ready and then he'll start things off.

There could be childhood trauma involved - he could have had unwanted physical behavior toward him and now need to feel fully in control before he can be physical.

The only way to know this is to ask him. It could be a sensitive subject to him. His willingness to get married after knowing you for two months could have shown some kind of compulsive behavior that he then felt overwhelmed by.

Have a chat with him and tell him how much you love him and that you are concerned that your initiations of physicality are unwanted and that you want to make sure all is well with you both.

Maybe marriage counseling could help. Don't speculate about it any longer. I know it's tricky but some good, open and safe communication will help. Keep us posted on how things go.

Here's a video on better communication with your spouse: http://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/how-communicate-better-spouse


May 3, 2016 - 5:37am
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