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Post-coital Tristesse

By Anonymous July 18, 2009 - 10:25am
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I am a lucky woman in that when I have sex with my longterm boyfriend, I often orgasm within 5 minutes...sometimes within seconds. I don't really have any control over my own orgasm. It just happens. While I love that this allows me to often have multiple orgasms, there are some issues. I tend to have strong reactions of Postcoital Tristess (prolactin is released to counteract the high levels of dopamine during orgasm, which causes feelings of sadness). Anyway, my boyfriend isn't a fan of quick sex, because he says when he holds off on orgasming, its more intense for him later on when he finally does. So during the rest of the time I feel like crying (and sometimes do) while in the middle of having sex. Does anyone know of any way to either control a female orgasm or if there is any treatment for Post-coital tristesse?

Add a Comment8 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

why does it even matter which sex it is more common for?

February 24, 2013 - 10:47pm
EmpowHER Guest

She sure did!

July 10, 2011 - 6:17am
EmpowHER Guest

are you aware that you misread what she posted. she DID say its more common in men. idiot.

March 26, 2011 - 6:43pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post and welcome to Empowher!

Post-coital tristesse (literally means "after sex sadness" from the Latin (post-coital and French tristesse for 'sadness') and is more common in men than women.

One sure cure may mean foregoing orgasm and that's not to be recommended at all!

I think a great start for you is to forgo foreplay for now, and make it afterplay. Most women want (and often need) lots of foreplay before intercourse. Perhaps you can switch this around a little or use foreplay on your partner (instead of him on you) until he is satisfied, then you can both work on...you!

Can you try this?

But this won't stop post-coital tristesse - it'll just stop it happening during sex. To stop it from happening after sex or to work on it, talk to your doctor and see if she can help or refer you to someone who can.

There are several therapies available including talk therapy, anti-depressants, acupuncture and meditation, to name a few.

You deserve to enjoy sex and not feel depressed afterward and certainly not during. Your partner also needs to work on this with you. Even though he likes sex a certain way, he needs to compromise with you so that both of you are happy, not just one.

Is he understanding of your situation?

July 18, 2009 - 11:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Yeah by the way you're wrong. It is not more common in women then in man. No f-ing way. FROM WIKIPEDIA:"Sexual intercourse can sometimes lead to a feeling of melancholy called PCT, or post-coital tristesse (from Latin post-coital, and French tristesse, literally — “sadness”). This is more common in MEN than in women." You better check your facts straight before you post.

July 10, 2010 - 7:19pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Here is the reference from Wikipedia you mention:

This is more common in men than in women. Many PCT sufferers may also exhibit strong feelings of anxiety, anywhere from five minutes, to two hours after coitus.[citation needed]

Please take note that this assertion is lacking a source, thus "citation needed" is appended. You and I do not know the source of this information. So to take this as gospel is questionable.

September 8, 2011 - 3:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Wikipedia is not a valid reference for anything. You may be right about it being more common in men, but you should find a new website to cite your facts from.

September 23, 2010 - 6:45am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

You do realize that wikipedia is in NO WAY a reliable source of information right? Unless a reliable source is cited one should not believe a secondary document.

July 15, 2010 - 5:34pm
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