My husband claims he has military PTSD from Vietnam. He was honorably discharged in '73, then joined AF reserves and retired in 2003. Anyway 2 years ago I "saved" him from alcohol poisoning, then last New Year's Eve he attempted suicide VIA pills. His body rejected them and ended up throwing them up. He swears it won't happen again because he didn't think of how our grandkids would take it. After that attempt, when we talked, he partly blamed me saying I am never happy, that I should not "talk back" to him, that he felt I never gave him enough hugs or initiated sex enough. After that, you can't imagine how stressed I felt trying to be the super nice "Stepford Wife".
Here's the thing from my side. When we married, (me at age 17), he "laid the law down" with rules that he was THE BOSS. Needless to say, I never touched his money at all without asking permission first. I never got an allowance. I had to ask and if he was willing to go shopping with me, then I might get whatever. I wanted more than 2 children but he said no. He retired early resulting in us having to go bankruptcy. When he said "go to work" once our two children were old enough to pretty much take care of themselves, I, of course went to work. The majority of our house appliances are used ones and recently when we had a problem with one of them, I made the mistake of saying something about that. He did not respond much, but let it fester and then, just yesterday, spilled to our kids about his suicide attempt and why. Putting most of the blame on me. He got our two girls so worried that one of them called last night, putting us on a 3 way call, this including the other daughter. Before it was over, if I really was not happy before, I was after. I felt like everyone thought I was the sc'um of the earth with a major negative attitude. Heck, why should my husband bother trying himself off now? I felt like it was my turn. Our girls kept suggesting that we needed to split. Even if we did, I have nothing to live on and no real skills to make a decent wage. You see, I quit work because in 2000 I had to have a major hysterectomy resulting in horrible menopause with insomnia, depression, fatigue, pain. Then after that I had a leiomyosarcoma tumor removed, then a couple of years later melanoma. Not to mention degenerative arthritis resulting in right foot surgery then spine surgery. As of this moment, I really don't know what type of job I can accomplish successfully. I put all I had into this relationship I feel at the cost of alienating my family and friends. In other words, no-one to turn to and nowhere to go. Although our girls act as though they want to see us apart, neither one wants one of us to stay with them. (Which I wouldn't want to do anyway since they each have their own husband and kids to take care of). Needless to say, right now I am angry at our girls because of the stance and interfering they did, and also tired of being blamed for my husband's problems. Yeah, I know we are different in that he wants to hold how he feels in and never wants to forgive or forget. Myself, I want to get things and feelings out in the open, which he can't stand. Heck, why did he marry me anyway so long ago? I really was too young. I did not want to at the time but he "kind-of" coerced me by saying if I didn't, he was getting discharged in 3 months, he was going home, and I would never see him again. I really felt something special with him, but would have been so happy to have waited at least 2 more years dating. As it was we only knew each other 5 months before we married.
I'm so tired but don't know where to turn now.
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