I have a boyfriend who is incredibly talented, original, funny guy who is always different and challenging. He's also loyal and honest, which I value greatly.
However, he's kinda got a bad character. being a funny guy is great but it seems he can't be serious when I need him to be (i.e. even when he compliments me he'll say "yoooou're preeeeetty, ladyyy" in a joking tone when every once in a while I'd like to have someone look me in the eye and genuinely ay "god your gorgeous"). He's often moody and critical (of everything in general!), he can have a temper (hello, unending arguments and nasty words!), and his life philosophy is pretty much that he won't commit to anything in the future - whether it's a week, a day or a month - because who knows how he may feel THAT particular day? If he commits to comething now, he may not want to do it when that day rolls around - so making plans are difficult!
Sometimes it's really hard to weigh the pros and cons and I wonder whether I should stick it out. I love him, and I want it to work. But I'm also no idiot, I know people don't change, and I will have to deal with his bad moods and his "peculiar" lifestyle for the rest of my life if I stay - and that can be a depressing thought.
I know people are not perfect. And I also know that I won't meet someone who pushes my GOOD buttons as much as he does, ever. But I've rarely met anyone who's got this much bad as well as this much good in them, and it's really difficult to get my head wrapped around a decision.
He has a ton of pros in that:
- He is talented, smart, independant (owns his own business)
- Never interferes with my "girl time" (is not possessive or selfish at all)
- He is trustworthy
- Has a sense of humour
- Supports my goals
- Gets along with my family
- He's not cheap
- He's social
But at the same time, there are a ton of cons, such as:
- Sexually selfish (I have communicated this a hundred times - he'll change ways for a week and go back to how things have always been...)
- Takes steps backwards in our relationship (we lived together for a year and a half, then moved back into our own apartments because we just couldn't make it work - faught too much, etc.)
- Never talks about the future
- Hard to talk to
- Doesn't communicate his wants/needs
- Not passionate/no romance
- Doesn't plan date nights
- Doesn't like to makeout (which I love!)
- Doesn't like my friends (will tolerate them, but makes comments...)
- Doesn't value family the same
- Poor conflict resolution
And the biggest con of all: we can't go out together. We can't go celebrate things together like marriages and birthdays, etc because every alcohol is involved we fight. And he will pick fights in public - most recently picked a fight with me infront of friends of mine that he was meeting for the first time -- not so cool! This is an ongoing problem for us. We get along fine when sitting on the couch at home but fight whenever we go out.
Would you stay with the impossible, annoying love of your life, or would you spare yourself the trouble and hope to find someone who sure will never compare, but will at least never make you want to pull your hair out?
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