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Real girl v Cartoon?

By Anonymous June 22, 2009 - 11:31am
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My husband and I have been married for a year and a half now, and I've begun to feel that he would rather watch explicit cartoons than have sex with me. The frequency of our sex has decreased dramatically ( which I understand, will happen due to circumstances.), but that isn't quite the problem I'm having. When I make it known that I want to be with him, later I catch him masturbating to these animations instead. We have discussed/argued over this topic many a time, and every time he says he will stop, he doesn't. I am unsure of how to compete with a cartoon character. Is my body not good enough for him? What should I do with myself?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for this question.

I was unaware of animated pornography until I saw one on a monitor at a normal, regular nightclub in Paris when I was 17! (and yes, it was/is totally legal for me to have been at a club!).

All I can remember is that a chicken was involved, and it was with another cartoon animal, possibly another chicken or turkey and my eyes grew huge. All I had known of animation was that it was cartoons for kids! But there was cartoon porn?? I asked about it and turns out it has been around for a long time. Definitely not my thing but to each their own...

If your husband is choosing any other kind of sexual activity over sexual activity with you (that could be masturbation, porn (of any kind) , sex toys etc, then he has a problem, meaning you also have one too.

For many people, incorporation of any or all of the above erotica into their sex life with another person is a healthy, fun, and for them, sexy way to communicate with their partner. As long as both adults enjoy these sexual outlets, then there should not be a problem. Sexuality is a very personal matter than needs no judgment from outsiders, especially when that sexuality is played out with two consenting adults. Contrary to some beliefs, porn or other sexual outlets is not the ruination of every relationship. I know too many happy and contented people who can attest to that and they are both men and women.

The issue here is that your husband is choosing animated porn over sex with his wife. Obviously I have no idea why; it could be for any number of reasons. You can't 'compete' with a cartoon character. They are flawless, fake and have no dimension. They emote nothing and accept nothing. They only have life if you have electricity and a screen. The only person getting something out of it is your husband.

And we need to find out why?

Can you tell us more about this? Has he always been into this kind of porn? Animated porn completely eliminates the 'people' involved because they are not even real people. I am wondering why he specifically chooses animation? Is this sudden? Have you specifically asked him why he chooses porn over you? And if so, what does he say?

Your real body is better than any make-believe woman - trust me. Most men and women who watch porn will (and do) choose real people over porn. But as with anything else in modern life- there may be an issue of addiction here. If someone promises to stop a behavior that is destructive to a relationship and constantly reneges on that promise with the same continued behavior, then he may have an addiction to this sexual outlet and this will probably cause great damage to your marriage.

What can you do? Well, this is a problem for both of you. Have you considered counseling, to get to the route of this problem? If your husband is aware that this is a problem, would he consider going to see a specialist who is well-versed with this issue?

This is something that needs to be resolved or your marriage will be doomed to unhappiness. You are fine, your body is fine. Don't compete with a cartoon; it's not even real. Your husband needs help and you need to help him help himself. There are wonderful things in life like good food, wine, shopping, sex,playing cards and on and on. Occasionally some of us become addicted to these otherwise normal and healthy aspects of life. And those people need help to stop, otherwise they will hurt themselves and everyone around them.

Please give us a little update on some of my questions and know that you are not alone. There is a lot of hope and support out there and your husband is a lucky man to have you. He just needs to be reminded of that and needs to end the behaviors that are obviously damaging such a recent marriage.

We look forward to hearing more from you!

June 22, 2009 - 12:07pm
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