Hi, I am 25 years old and very very very confused about where to take my life, whom I should spend it with and am I doing the right thing. I want to be as anonymous as possible as I really love and care for the people around me and seeing me flustered and unsure will hurt them if they saw me bringing it up in the public forum.
Let me begin my story. In the summer of 2007, I had ended a tumultuous relationship with my boy friend at school. Following that for a year, I constantly was in conversation and ended up falling in love with someone whom I had not expected. We tried so hard to control ourselves but it ended up happening without anyone's control. In March of 2008, we made a pact that we will confront our parents 2 years later and fight for each other due to financial disparity and other reasons, we knew our parents would not approve but our love was so grand that we continued despite knowing the consequences. A year later, unexpectedly, my mother ended up finding out about it and for two years, as I studied in my graduate school, coming home always meant having volatile conflicts with her. I persevered on regardless until last semester when the pressure of graduate school, loneliness (it was distant between India and here), and the pressure of completing my thesis came together so much that I wanted to show him, that if he did not take any action I will move on. I met someone who was very sweet and charming, a gentleman (what I was unaware was of the past he was hiding and I was unaware that he had wanted a short term relationship), I was confused further as I saw a solution in sight.
I chose the second guy and imagined that by this decision, the guy whom I had loved for for so long will def. fight giving me time to think and ponder upon the decision. However, he just let go within minutes leaving me in a shock. I also decided to stick to my decision (although I would call him begging him to rethink but he was set). I ended up gradually falling in love with the second guy (though I had not received any closure from the first one and was still confused). The second guy did not tell me the truth of his past afraid I will leave him and he had wanted to save his respect in my eyes. However, I was so hurt and confused, being alone made me scared. I began to see loving nature in him, integrity, we are mentally compatible at all levels. Except, the biggest shock came to me when I discovered his hidden baggage - he was separated and had a child. His (ex) wife had left and he was recovering from his pain. I couldn't leave him then. He needed me and I was there with him through the tough times he faced. I was sure his divorce was going to be finalized and we were finally going to be together. In my society, what I was doing was already considered taboo and required me to fight against/rebel against my family a second time.
Since then I have returned home, still working on my thesis, probably will see him in a couple of weeks but in the meanwhile, in the time I have been alone the first guy contacted me told me he was compromising and decided to marry his colleague (without even fighting for me once while I fought for him for two years). I have been trying to move on and out of this situation. I recently told my mother that life needs to be straightened out and I am not sure when guy 2's divorce will take place. I am just not sure anymore of what to do? Am I making the right decision?
I am going to discuss this situation and my own angst with guy 2, but I am not sure if I should wait till the time I had given for him to prove himself worthy or should I not wait end the current relationship, and choose the best route: arranged marriage where families are also happy? I am happy with him, we are compatible at many levels, except he is 9 years 2 months older than me, is still pending divorce, and not sure how ready he is to have a family and settle down since he still has emotional baggage from his prev. relationship which I have to fight. I know he loves me a lot and craves a family.
Please help me sort this puzzle out. What should I do? Should I trust him again? I am too afraid after guy 1 who called himself my best friend and soulmate yet chose to move on asap when time came for him to really fight for our relationship. I am SO confused!
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