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Relationship troubles or depression?

By Anonymous June 12, 2016 - 7:12pm
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My bf (28) and I (25) have been seeing each other for half a yr and our relationship is mostly great. I really love him and he says he loves me too. We have similar aspirations and our families get along really well too. I have never cared about anyone quite so much, especially considering the relatively short time we've been together.
Bf suffers from depression, but believes he is getting better and weaned himself off antidepressants a few months ago. When we first started dating we'd have sex each time we were together and bf seemed happy.

Strangely, after he got off the pills his sex drive dropped and he has troubles getting/keeping erections. He now rarely initiates or says he is too tired if I try. Now, bf seems moody and seems to think that everything I say is snarky towards him. I have never been called snarky in my life, and people have seen me interact with him and others and do not see it.
I walk on eggshells with what I say now so as to not upset him and make sure there is no way he can misunderstand what I am saying. It has gotten to the point I feel I can barely talk to him without upsetting him.
I don't understand as we will be having a fantastic day together- laughing/fooling around together and then one minor thing will set him off for the rest of the day.
I am not sure if this is an issue with not being compatible or things in the relationship being off, or if it is because he still is suffering from depression and not taking his meds. He also suffers from anxiety and is overwhelmed with work.
When he is not in one of his 'moods' he is very sweet, cuddly and supportive. He is always very helpful and really seems like he is trying to make a relationship work.
I try and be supportive, but it is draining. I am also a very sexual person and the lack of sex and the (now) poor quality of sex, when it does happen, is really starting to hurt my self esteem. Looking for any advice.
Not sure if the relationship is doomed or if this could be helped with a trip to dr. I am also having trouble phrasing the right way to bring up my concerns with the sex and mood swings without doing it in such a way to make him upset or defensive.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

All of your boyfriend's troubles began when he came off his medications which would suggest a visit to the doctor is very important; he may need those medications, even for life. Talk therapy may also help him.

I understand the feeling of walking on eggshells around someone, it's a horrible way to live and you shouldn't have to live like this. I know it's very hard to take the plunge but you need to bring up his issues and ask him to see a medical professional. Offer to go with him. Tell him you love him and you don't want the relationship to end. If he goes, you can work through this together. If he refuses, you have some important decisions to make yourself.

Read more here: http://www.empowher.com/depression/content/men-and-stigma-mental-illness-depression-and-gender


June 13, 2016 - 5:09am
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