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Sexless relationship

By January 31, 2011 - 9:29pm
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My boyfriend and I have been together for alittle over a year and we have little to no sex life anymore. He either watches or downloads porn all the time, and masterbates.He won't touch me but maybe once a month. And i think he only has sex with me that much because he feels bad. I need help, Do we need counselling or do I need to change? What do I do?

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EmpowHER Guest

Hi i have a similar sit. My bf and i are both 19 yr olds, and after having sex around 5 - 10 times, he tells me he wants to stop bcos he is guilty. What should i do?

February 7, 2011 - 1:43pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

It sounds like your boyfriend has a moral or religious dilemma about having sex and it sounds like he's not ready for a sexual relationship with a women. It sounds like your relationship is very new so it's good that he has told you this so quickly.

You can continue to date each other without sex (a lot of people do this, until they are both ready for the next step or marriage) or you can elect to leave. It's your choice to make - just think it through and have a talk with your boyfriend. Hopefully you both will come to a decision that works for the two of you.


February 7, 2011 - 1:48pm

Hello, I have a friend who has been together with her boyfriend for over half a year. They have had sex, however, after missing her period twice in false pregnancy alarms, he does not want to do it ever again, apparently. My fiance and I tell them its okay to have sex but with protection is important, however it is like he swore celibacy from then on. How should i tell the girl how to accept this?

February 7, 2011 - 12:10pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to igr2492)


You shouldn't tell her anything! This a very private and personal issue between your friend and her boyfriend and should not have a third party intervene unless it's a therapist. You can't tell your friend what to accept in her relationship and what not to - that is for her to decide. Intervention should only be if her safety is in danger.

I understand you wanting to help but this isn't an issue for friends to get involved with. Be there for support but don't tell her what her choices are or what choice to make.

Thanks for writing!

February 7, 2011 - 12:39pm

my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a month and we are both in our mid 20's and career driven individuals. Since together we have had sex 3 times and it was off the chart!! he didnt breaain tho as he said he needs to go for 2 hours before he can!! he said he doesnt masturbate sooo unsure why so long!! Now on the 4 occasion we decided to be a bit wild and have sex in his suv as we did on the 3rd time and the rush was so great we decided we wanted to try it again!! he insists on going down on me as i have no complains on that!! after me episode we went to have sex and he was partially errected and then decided to go down on me again i was like what the hell!! so i stopped him and he said he am just worried we got caught its not u!! How do i analyse this as we had a lunch date that day and he said he couldnt make it cause he had a meeting and he was having a really busy day!! am i over thinking the situation? Also when he comes over i always have to get him to leave as he never wants too and he was insisting he got home to have a shower as he doesnt have clothes over at mine!!

February 2, 2011 - 4:27am
HERWriter Guide (reply to concern gf)

Hi concern gf

Thanks for your post and I don't mean to be rude but I don't understand your issues as you're going from one topic to another with finishing any of them.

You are only together a month so don't read into things too much and don't invest too much into a relationship that has just started. If you feel you're not having sex enough, then talk to him about it.

The last part of your post needs to be more clear! Just calm down a little bit, don't over think things, as you said, and clear your thoughts.

We hope to hear back from you!

February 7, 2011 - 12:35pm


I am sorry you are going through this. I found very similar stories to yours and thought you may want to read through them.

Hope they help.



February 1, 2011 - 6:55am
EmpowHER Guest

If he's just your boyfriend, I'm sorry, but you should totally move on. He should respect you fully and care about you. You can't make him have sex with you, that's illegal, but you can find someone who will treat you right.

January 31, 2011 - 9:58pm
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