Sexual Discrepancies; What to do when you're on the short end of the stick?

By Colormeconfused January 30, 2012 - 10:58am

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I've been having a sexual discrepancy with my relationship for over 2 years. I've been in my relationship for 4. We are devoted and love each other, we are similar in geeky-nerdy interests and in personality. We get along great, except for the sex. I've confronted him about my need for more sex multiple times since the decline of our sexual interaction; going from multiple times a week to once a week if I'm lucky. I always feel like I'm being ignored sexually, and that its leaving a big hole in my chest every day. And the sex keeps getting more mundane and muddled, we used to have really hot sex but now I get a ravaged night once every few months. Last time I mentioned something to him, we talked about why I feel like he likes pornography more than he likes me. He told me that watching porn and masturbating was more efficient and takes less time. Ouch. I'm still hurting from that one. Thing is, I'm an open person, I've offered to do many things for him, but he's just not interested in anything other than humping me from the side in the dark every now and then. And its not that I'm not hot, I strip in front of him, I let him play with my boobs (often), we are very touchy and lovey, just no sex. What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't know how to approach him and make him really see that there is a problem with OUR sex life. I feel like I have NO control, and NO say in what we do. He's perfectly content where we are, where he is, so making a change is proving to be really especially difficult.

And right now, honestly, the best thing I can think of is withdrawing all sexual encounters until he agrees to ravage me when we do have sex. But I fear that'll just push him farther away and I'll NEVER get satisfyed then. Especially when he can just go look at porn, since you know, it doesn't "take as much work or time".

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Colormeconfused

Ok. I'm not leaving him, I'm going to explore other options and I wish to expand that type of thinking, because the easy answer is always leaving, but isn't always the best option.

That said, I highly doubt I'll get him to see anyone for anything. He's not a very motivated person, but that isn't to say he doesn't do anything. I think thats a lot of the reason I don't get to engage in sexual activity often, so my plan is to figure out a way to satisfy the both of us.

More so, I guess I'm looking for ideas/suggestions on scenarios/conversations I could be having to change the situation. What has previously worked for other women in seducing their otherwise reluctant guy. What I should be saying to communicate my frustrations that I am still figuring out how to deal with. How to make him see how shitty the excuses he gave me are. I don't know how to put it into a context he'll understand/see the gravity of the situation.

January 30, 2012 - 12:07pm

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Anonymous

Hi Colormeconfused,

Welcome to EmpowHER. Sorry to hear this. I think it might be good to talk to your partner about how you feel and his options like seeing a doctor or a psychotherapist in order to save the relationship. If not, it might be time to walk out of this relationship.

I've included some links that might be helpful in finding answers and support.

https://www.empowher.com/sex-amp-relationships/content/audio-dr-marty-klein-how-do-i-tell-my-partner-he-should-be-more-invent

https://www.empowher.com/groups/Does-my-husband-not-want-sex-me-or-general

Best,

Daisy

January 30, 2012 - 11:41am