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By February 4, 2011 - 9:36am
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Thank you for the input on my post. God Bless!

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EmpowHER Guest

I disagree with the previous post. I am in love with a married man, who loves me. Why did he seek comfort, companionship, and amazing sex with me, a stunning woman, size 18 age 47? Because his thin, toned, sculpted wife doesn't excite him! Not mentally, not physically, not even with her wit or personality. He married a "trophy" wife and she thinks sex is supposed to be hot because she lays there and she's a "10". Foolishly he fell for the media and peer pressure to marry a young thin pretty wife after his first marriage.

We met, sparks flew and he enjoyed the best sex of his life with me. Why? I am confident, intelligent, pretty, and proud of who I am. I know I am not what the media or you OP, feels is the so called beauty ideal. I stand 5'8". with long raven locks of hair that fall to my waist, onyx eyes that sparkle and show my fire and passion, a million watt smile, hourglass figure and OMG a belly, far from perky breasts, cellulite and stretch marks! (The latter from bearing my amazing daughters).

He has shared a love and passion with me for over a year. He recently said he had to fight reacting when his wife was harping on a woman for being maybe 10-15 lbs overweight. She actually said, "How could any man find that attractive?" He said my images of our love making suddenly filled his thoughts the instant she criticized that woman's body, and the he calmly stated beauty isn't just being a size 4.

Why does he find me so beautiful and sexy? Well, I do know how to make love, to please and be pleased. I have no insecurities about my mind, my soul, my accomplishments and my body. I ignite him, and let him smolder, immersed with desire. Then I satisfy myself and in doing so, I satisfy him in ways he can barely believe.

I make him laugh, he makes me laugh. We are old enough to have learned not to pick and criticize. Ours is a case of lightning striking. If I was miserable about my belly, or jiggly thighs, how could he love them? I was blessed to earn 2 degrees, travel the world, live, love, lose and remain unjaded. Money and materialism mean little to me.

I love freely, with wild abandon and joy. I give freely, love is a wonderful thing and if more people had love, starting with self love, the world could be a much brighter place for all.

I know he loves his wife, flaws and all. He loves me flaws and all. He's learning that love doesn't have to mean throwing away someone else. There's no losers. This is how parents can love many children. When he's ready he may leave her. He knows she isn't strong. I told him there's no sense fighting and divorcing, losing the value in his home, retirement accounts, no need to hurt the adult children.

I don't care if he leaves her, or falls back in love with her. I want him to be happy, and I am already happy. No matter where this ends up taking us, I will be blessed to have been in his heart, and he will not have suffered for loving me. However long we have each other is a blessing.

Perfect love in a imperfect situation. He isn't quite sure of this love. Like most of us he's been raised to feel love is only ok in a monogamous relationship. I would never ask him to choose, or do anything that hurts him. If he can breathe and find his footing with this triad, great. Lucky man to have two women love him. If not, I will kiss him a final time and send him away with my blessing.

OP, are you tall, chiseled, with perfect skin, flawless smile, six pack abs and a full head of hair? Do you love with abandon, are you kind to others? Looks fade, and it's what the soul, the spirit is that we are left facing as we age. Spend your life in the gym, pay for plastic surgery, diet and while that's happening so is life. Being fit is a relative concept. How fit is your capacity to love?

While I am at it, are you fit to be loved? Can you love without your eyes? Does your heart soar when the one you love wrap her arms around you? Does her kiss rob you of your breath, and steal your words? Does time stand still when she laughs? Or are you too busy measuring her BMI, buying her Lean Cuisine and asking how Weight Watchers is going? Do disfigured people deserve love and passion? Or the aged? How about minorities? So why not someone who you or anyone, might call fat??

To the woman who this thread is in regards to. Love yourself, every cell, every freckle, every beautiful thing and every flaw. Find a man who adores that you are centered happy and have a positive outlook. Find someone who, like you, will find the blush of youth and beauty fades. The moral of Beauty and the Beast is that if you love the person and not the box (body) they come in, you could be happy for many decades.

Sex, it's great, I will go so far to say it's the most exquisite pleasure I've been blessed to experience. With this man I am left in awe from the pleasure he brings me. As it turns out, I've lost 80 pounds since we met. I was losing the weight before I knew him. I am losing maybe another 25pounds, but not for anyone but myself. I don't aspire to be thin. In fact I hope to be a happy size 12/14. If not, I feel better now than 80 pounds ago.

All I can say is there's no magic weight, hair color, perfume, or outfit that will guarantee love will come. If you wait until you fit your skinny jeans, or get that perfect job, or drive the right car you miss the point. Life doesn't wait, nor does it care if you have minty fresh breath or go to church. Look around, each breath is a gift. Don't waste a single heartbeat worrying if some self centered guy thinks you measure up.

It's not how many breaths you take, it's what takes away your breath.

March 3, 2011 - 6:37am
EmpowHER Guest

Coming from a man's perspective, it isn't fair to ask a man to accept your "healthy" yet portly body because you're "beautiful the way you are." While it is important to avoid hurting feelings and damaging a partner's self-esteem, you can't ignore some of the other dimensions of this issue. Many people could stand to improve and tighten their bodies with a little hard work; simply accepting chubbiness, pastiness, flab, laziness, and poor eating habits leads to complacency, and, consequently, needless bad looks and issues of aesthetics. It also affects endurance, performance, flexibility, and general sexiness, and can limit your options in bed. If you're an awesome person and a guy falls in love with you, it's very hard for him to be expected to walk the line between his love for your personality and the extreme sacrifice he has to make when settling for your unsexy body. Remember, in a monogamous relationship, you are agreeing to procreate with each other and only each other. If you don't have a nice body, you're asking the guy to permanently give up the prospect of sex with an attractive-bodied woman for the duration of the relationship. You cannot argue that lust is not inherently part of attraction, and it's a lot to ask of a guy to shove aside his standards of beauty for you when with some simple diet changes, daily cardio, and toning exercises you could uphold your half of the sex life a little more responsibly. This is not a one-way street; it is not hard for a guy to tone and get some muscle definition as well. This "feel good" mentality seems to suggest that relationships are about simple acceptance and unconditional love. That's silly; no one should be a dead weight (no pun intended) in the arrangement. Relationships really come with responsibility to your partner and to yourself, and require some effort. Just as you shouldn't expect someone to enjoy kissing you if you never brush your teeth, so you shouldn't expect him to enjoy making love with you if you don't make an effort to keep your body attractive and in shape. Which do you love more: eating, excuses, and laziness, or your partner's happiness?

March 2, 2011 - 2:02pm
EmpowHER Guest

We did not meet on the computer. You shouldn't ASSUME what you don't know. Ask questions.... We met in person, were introduced by family, and grew up within 30 miles of each other, similar upbringing, lifestyles, our families share a lot of common history. So, no, it wasn't an online meeting. Sorry to crush your theory.

February 10, 2011 - 9:46pm
EmpowHER Guest

this is what happens when you find lovers on the computer which is likely what happened here. most of the time if you have to resort to using the computer to find a relationship it is because you are overweight, or not very attractive, or both. just being honest. i don't know what this guy expected, but sounds like he was fooling himself into thinking this gal was going to be a supermodel once he actually saw her outside of this computer screen. i would just move on if i were this woman. you are clearly not what he had in mind and your relationship is doomed based on the information given in this article. sorry. go out in public and meet some people.

February 10, 2011 - 9:59am
EmpowHER Guest

someone out there wouldnt need to change u at all....

February 10, 2011 - 9:26am
EmpowHER Guest

I would not ever want to be with someone who wasn't in love with me for who I am Right Now. If you have to lose weight, or cut your hair, or shave your beard (for a guy), or give up your hobbies (motorcycle, NASCAR, Opera, whatever...) to gain their love, then I don't believe it is really love they are talking about. It is concern over appearances. For the record, I'll repeat the important concept here: I would never want to be with someone who wasn't in love with me for who I am Right Now.

February 10, 2011 - 8:41am
EmpowHER Guest

Hey now, us guys are allowed to find people of (actually) healthy weight attractive. He wouldn't have told you if he didn't overcome that, and the fact that he did isn't something you should belittle.

February 9, 2011 - 4:03pm
EmpowHER Guest

I am very sorry you have to go through this. first off Congrats on loosing the weight AND keeping it off. You should be proud! I have only lost 20lbs on my path too feel beautiful, but on the way I found my self confidence. It sounds like you did too. Unfortunatly not everyone will think the same way. I was in a relationship like that before. He is a great guy, but he has so much growing up to do. Because I was confident, he wanted to bring me down to his level of insecurity. It worked. I changed who I was, I spent so much money trying to be someone I wasnt, from the color and length of my hair, to my weight, clothes, and friends. I became depressed, what was even worse. Because he wasnt changing who he was and what made him unhappy, all my changes werent engough for him. Later after I picked up the peices and did what I had to, to become happy with me, I found the man of my dreams. I have been happily married for 2 1/5 years now. Not once had he tired to change me. You deserve to be treated like a queen.

February 9, 2011 - 10:34am
EmpowHER Guest

There are men that think that women don't look right without curves. I'm one of them. 175 Lbs. isn't terribly big, just a little "zaftig". You've done a wonderful job with your weight loss and should be proud of yourself. My wife, who is the most beautiful woman in the world, isn't small. She's nearly as tall as I am, and is a bit "fluffy". I tell her every day that she's beautiful, because that's how I feel.

February 9, 2011 - 2:38am

Thank you to the person who responded concerning becoming more available to myself. You are right and I appreciate your comments and the encouragement. Thank you very much.

February 8, 2011 - 7:30pm
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