Facebook Pixel

Trusting issues

By June 15, 2011 - 9:20am
Rate This

Hi, I have been trying to solve these trusting issues for over 2 years now, and nothing helped. I have been with my husband for 2 years before we got married. He is in the military and we are apart right now because of the military. I don't know why but in the back of my head I think that he might cheat on me. As far as I know he hasn't cheated on me before, but I found out things about him and his past, some of which he doesn't know, and that is why I am doubting him, because I think that it is hard for people to change. He had been with a lot of other girls before me, but he was my first really love. He told me that he has never cheated on his girl friends before, but I found out that he had a one night stand with a girl when he was with another girl before. He doesn't know that I know about this, and I don't know how to ask him about it without him knowing how I found out about it. About a year and half ago, me and him lived together but we had roommates and one of the roommates was a nude model, and he told me he never looked at her pictures before but then I found a website he sent in a message to his friend and he said something like: the website is full of hot chicks. I was hurt when I read that message becaue, yeah I know that guys look at porn sometimes, but look at pictures of someone we know though was just hurtful to me. We eventually moved out to our own place and nothing like that has happened since, but I haven't been fully trusting him. The thing is that he always express that all his girlfriends before have cheated on him, and he constantly asks me if I love you and only him. I am tired of answering because yes I love him and only him, I am a very loyal person. Now I am just wondering if I should tell him about all the things I found out about him, because what if he cheated on me before and I just didn't know about it? I am so scared to get hurt, I have committed to him, and invested so much, emotionally in this relationship, I just want everything to be okay. But it is so exhausting for me to always be worrying, wondering what he is doing, if he sincerely loves me. We are married and I felt like we rushed into it sometimes, although I love being his wife. He doesn't know at all about all these feelings I have, I am the type of person who keeps all my feelings to myself. I have already gone to a counselor but that didn't help at all. I just want to know how I can trust him, 100% trusting him, because I want to maintain this relationship!! This problem has really affected me and I really hope someone could help me! just want some advices of what to do?

P.s: He is not deployed yet, still in training and that's why he is still able to go out to places, which is one of my concerns.

Thank you for your help!

Add a Comment1 Comments

HERWriter Guide

Hi Angeroo

Thanks for your post!

I think it's time to get into counseling one way or another - either with your husband or individually.

You posted this exact question nearly a year ago to this day - so obviously nothing has changed and you can't live this way anymore. It's time to get this relationship healthy by action (not words) or accept that it's intrinsically unhealthy and you need to walk away; before kids and before more time in invested.

You can read the great advice given to you last year here: http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/trusting-relationship

Let me know what you think!


June 15, 2011 - 11:34am
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.


Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!