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U bulimia started iny early 20s i now going on54! I feel I have not had a moments respite and want to finally find some peace within myself. Can u help by askinge some questions to try and untangle where this all startedPLEASE

By Anonymous July 14, 2015 - 12:48am
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I constantly feel like a fearful child inside. Decision making is virtually impossible so I just go with the flow and hateyself for it. I try and have some control of what I do by taking different jobs which forces me to get out of the house and interact with different people but at the end of the day. I still stay the same. It doesn't help when coming home. I have a hard working partner who shows he cares by the things he does. But the flip side he doesn't talk much unless prompted by questions. Critisises and is verbally abusive. Making sure the kids can hear. They in turn repeat some of the things he sais so I try and stay quiet but that's not living when u can't have a say in your child's upbringing without being put down. Please feel free to probe coz I want to stop this constant plea for help. It's wearing me out!

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Susan. Thank u my username is mila. By way of talking to u people I am using this asy therapy things like rejection mot feeling special to anybody spiteful etc. I guess it all started when I left home to study languages abroad. I wasn't particularly interested in study but it was a means of getting away from family. ? I found a bedsit and bece anorexic. When I returned home of course I felt my parents were more proud of me coz of lost weight and she actually paide some attention. I had admirers and felt euphoric. It was when I moved away to London and had to fend for.myself that I discovered bulimia. I got into relationships with the wrong people and always hankered for home andissed my parents but I couldn't let on that I was desperately unhappy and they never said to come home either. I'll have to stop there for now. Got things to do. Feel free to probe and ask questions as a therapist does. So u can get an honest picture of who I am. I keep busy but noatter what o do or where I am I feel tormented

July 14, 2015 - 6:23am
HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your question and for reaching out to us.

Bulimia is an eating disorder . People often think of bulimia as a teenage girl’s way of overindulging and then feeling guilty about it. This is far from the truth. Eating disorders are not only common, but prevalent among women of every age, and alarmingly, many in their middle years are suffering tremendously from this condition.

Eating disorders are less about indulgence and guilt as they are about taking back the reins. Even though the results are incredibly unhealthy and sometimes fatal, the thrust behind eating disorders is valiant in its own way -- it is the drive to make your life completely within your power, to change what you want to change without any interference.

Bulimia, the sister of Anorexia, is about control. Especially in instances where one feels they have lost control of certain aspects of their lives, eating to excess and then “getting rid of it” is a way of controlling not only how much one is eating but also how one’s body responds and digests that food.

To say “I will eat exactly as much as I feel like eating,” is to go against the dictates of all social norms with regard to food as well as dietary guidelines and calorie counting. You get to decide when you are full or even if you choose to eat well beyond fullness and, you get to decide if you keep that food or make it go away.

It’s powerful stuff for women who feel that in other aspects of their lives they are floating and bobbing, buffeted by winds of change and circumstances beyond their control.

Life changes such as kids growing and changing, kids having issues, empty nest syndrome, divorce, illness and death in the family, career issues, money worries -- all of these can contribute to a sense of disorientation and a loss of control.

A bad marriage and your sense that you have no control over how your child has been raised may be instrumental in this.

How old is your child? He or she will probably graduate high school in the next few years and you'll still be with an abusive husband. This life pattern has to stop.

We cannot say why this has all happened to you in particular but I can tell you that therapy is very important and it's something you need to start. Working with a therapist can get to the root of what is going on. Your bulimia is a symptom of your life. You can work with a therapist to sort out your life, your past, your feelings and reactions in order to learn how to life a better life without the crutch of an eating disorder.
Please stay in touch with us.

July 14, 2015 - 4:35am
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