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ask: Unsatisfied with boyfriend (sexually, etc.) but don't want to leave him

By Anonymous

I'm unhappy and unsatisfied in my relationship and not sure what to do about it. Been with this bf for 3 years, we were engaged at one point but I called it off because I'm unhappy with how "dirty" he lives(messy home lifestyle). He trys really hard to make me happy but it always ends up never being enough. I've lived alone before and thoroughly enjoyed having a clean home, having things put away where they belong so they can be found, knowing things aren't going to just disappear) I can't even have nice dishes anymore because he destroys things. He doesn't pay attention to detail and I feel I'm giving up the life I want to have to be with him. I've never wanted to just leave him because he is a very sweet guy, no one I've dated has loved me as much as he does, or would put up with me as much as he does and do things for me but I'm still not happy with his ingrained behaviors. Lately, I've been very sexually unsatisfied. He doesn't even seem to know what foreplay is and he is not "new" to sex. We communicate all the time. I constantly tell him what things I don't like and he will try to do better but in the end he always resorts to his old ways. I don't want to lose a good guy but sometimes I feel like he's holding me back (various complex issues involving monthly budget, schooling,citizenship) I feel like I wont be happy just going out and finding someone else because I care for him, I love him, and I just wish he fit into my life better. I feel torn.

Add a Comment5 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

You need to leave this guy. If the two of you are this incompatible, then I don't think the relationship has a future. You will however find someone else that you are more compatible with, who will also love you. I think that one must have love in order for a relationship to work, but compatibility matters far more.

August 18, 2012 - 10:49am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

try and take control of the situation... if he doesnt satisfy you sexually then take control of the sex.. get on top of him and ride him and get the plessure your self... and eventually you will both enjoy the sex... and he might get betta at it..

August 2, 2012 - 12:53am
misvives HERWriter Guide

Hi Anonymous,

Thank you for your question and welcome to Empowher. Relationships are never perfect and when you realize that you love this man, you can adjust for the things you feel like your lacking to all the other great things. Being alone or thinking the grass is greener on the other side, is never the right answer to relationships. Rather, hard work, communication and trying to make things work or try to find some other sort of outlet may be better. I hope this helps and good luck.

Missie

May 26, 2012 - 10:14am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to misvives)

I do realize I love him, that's why we still live together even though I broke off the enagement and we still live together with all of our other relationship issues pending. I just really feel like I shouldn't have to just "adjust to the things I feel I'm lacking." I stay with him because of the great things, now the things that are lacking need to be worked on, otherwise it will always remain an unhappy relationship, and in the end I will feel a big waste of time! We fight about the same things over and over and go through the same patterns of him trying harder/cleaning up, but it always resorts back to the way it was originally and I feel he is just letting me down on his end. There is no real change happening but I am unsure of how to coax him into maturing and changing. How to get him to take responsibility in this relationship to work with me instead me always feeling like I'm his mother trying to teach him.

May 26, 2012 - 11:25am
achiever2012

try being patient with him and i think u guys need to sit and talk....like really talk.

May 26, 2012 - 12:59am
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