ask: Vaginal dryness: can't get wet and i'm only 26

By tu.exito September 20, 2010 - 9:34pm
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I don't get aroused easily and can barely get an orgasm. I enjoy it but less and less since I'm always so dry I get hurt. The vaginal lips will bloat when I get aroused but I barely get wet and it doesn't get better. I can go for one round, I'm too dry after and no amount of foreplay will get me there, not even masturbation. And I ALWAYS have some kind of tear tissue in the area, either right below the vagina entrance, at the entrance or both. and next day feels uncomfortable.

I wasn't like that till my 23rd bday and I can't find what's wrong. I'm also prone to yeast infection (like white cheesy discharge, no odor and lots of itching)
Is there a solution besides lubricant?

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EmpowHER Guest

Ok I have the same problem. I have had this going on since I was around 30 and am now 40. I am in a loving relationship and we have alot of for play bUT it's not enough. I'm either dry or not wet enough. I cannot use any type of lubricant (even high end ones). I get yeast infections for everything. When I talked to the doc.....several times they just tell me more foreplay. My brain is aroused but my body is not.

August 18, 2015 - 7:26am
Alison Beaver

The solution is dependent on the cause of your vaginal dryness.

I have a few follow-up questions for you:
1. Are you sexually active with one partner (reason I'm asking: is this a person you trust, or is your brain telling you that this is not the person for you, and it is manifesting itself physically by you not being aroused enough to produce lubrication?). Many times, sexual problems arise from the first point of sexual arousal: our brains and emotions. I just wanted to make sure you are having sex with one partner whom you love and trust with no deep issues, or you are having sex with multiple partners and being safe and happy with this. If you are emotionally and mentally OK with your sexual partners, then you can move on to the physical aspects.
2. Physically, you said you are unable to self-lubricate, and this has happened within the past 3 years. What happened, or changed, when you were 23?
3. During the sex act, are you able to tell your partner to slow down? Do you feel your voice is heard, and you don't feel pressure to perform? Do you feel guilty for not being "wet enough" from a few times, and now you are scared that you are not wet enough and it prevents you from becoming fully aroused?
4. You mentioned there is some feeling of tearing after sex. You probably want to use store-bought lubrication if you choose to have sex, as your body may begin to associate sex-with-pain, and it will be more difficult to self-lubricate. Does that make sense? Use lubrication liberally so that sex is not painful; your body is not "bracing" itself for intercourse, and you can hopefully physically relax more, which can lead to more self-lubrication.
5. Recurrent yeast infections might mean that they are not being properly diagnosed and treated. You would want to make sure you are infection-free before continuing any sexual relations, as your partner may also be spreading the infection back-and-forth. Have you been diagnosed with the specific type of infection?

If, after all of this, you are still not self-lubricating, you should talk with your doctor. Do you have a Gynecologist that you trust?

September 21, 2010 - 12:45pm
tu.exito (reply to Alison Beaver)

Thank you for answering....A little bit of everything. I was in an abusive relationship and most of the time I feel like I'm not able to defend myself, so i'm shyer as time past by, causing me to stress. vicious cycle and when I'm thinking now i'm ok, turns out i'm not. 3 years later. :-S
and every time I ask a doctor about that, answer i got is every woman is different. Agreed, but i was not like that, so.

September 21, 2010 - 10:40pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to tu.exito)

I'm thinking stress plays a role in vaginal dryness, just as it plays a role in mens sexual problems. A little therapy may help anyone in this situation. Also relaxing, being at ease and an understanding partner could help alot. U only get aroused when ur enjoying sex if u are bored or not that in to it then u wont get erect or wet. Im not expert but thats just from my own experiences. Hope it helps someone. :)

August 4, 2015 - 12:39am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

It is obvious why I am sharing my words of wisdom, anonymously. Giving my name might become embarrassing for my lady friends, and I could find myself alone with sister rosy palmer and her four sisters! Not bragging, but I am definitely above average in the bed. The reason I have had many willing bed partners is because they know, that they are my main concern. There has never been a woman who has left my bed without being satisfied, many times! There has been very few times when the woman has had to resort to artificial lubrication. I take my time finding the key that will open her particular treasure chest. I have spent forty five minutes to over an hours and a half performing foreplay. It is sort of the appetizer before the main course. I have found that even with the most difficult dryness problems, given enough time, understanding, and the proper stimulation methods. I have had an almost 100 per cent success rate with oral stimulation. I have many very happy ladies who thank me for giving them back their life. It is usually very easy to locate the areas that I need to concentrate the stimulation on. The clitoris, or "Tiny Penis" is usually erect similar to the male penis, only much more effective. While I usually manipulate the clitoris with the tip of my tongue, I have had women explode with only a touch, or small stroke of my finger. One woman had an orgasm for ten or fifteen minute straight, with only one pass of my tongue. My saliva usually produces a good foundation for continued lubrication for the entire sexual encounter. I try and avoid the use of lubrications because of the side effects that remain after the initial encounter. However, if lubrication can not be achieved, one must use something if the love or wish to save their relationship. Nothing is wrong with trying everything possible to save what was a healthy sexual relationship before your lubrication stopped. Sex is a very healthy, and obviously desirable part of any relationship. My experience shows overwhelmingly that a marriage, girlfriend-boyfriend, or any other kind of loving relationship can not withstand the pressure a sexless relationship contains. While a hand job, oral sex, anal or any other kind of sexual stimulation is a short term fix, nothing replaces the transference of emotions that takes place during the typical customary act of making love. Perhaps if one could be eye to eye, cheek to cheek, lips to lips sharing the emotions of being in love, substituting a sexual act for sexual release might work. My experience has shown that difficult sex, i.e. no lubrication during intercourse, has actually increased the contention between the parties due to the pain levels that are raised. My advise is to use the tongue that god gave you to hold you over, until you can be seen by a medical doctor. My door is open to anyone needing advise. But know I am not formally trained, but do have a lot of experience. Not boasting..just trying to help!

October 4, 2015 - 3:21am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I am a 32 year old woman that seems to be turned on ALL DAY. The problem I'm experiencing is I am always dry unless we have a really good foreplay before hand. I know women that experience orgasms on a regular basis from foreplay as well as intercourse. It makes me question myself and think something is wrong with me. It has been this was my entire life. Even on the rare occasions that I orgasm from oral sex, I experience dryness 15 minutes into the actual act of sex. Please help!!!

November 11, 2015 - 9:40am
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