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Wanting more sex than he does.

By Anonymous May 30, 2012 - 9:22pm
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My boyfriend and I love each other. We started dating about two years ago. At first I didn't mind that we only had sex a couple times per week - my last boyfriend and I would have it sometimes twice a day, but this relationship is different. After two years, I really can't handle only having sex once a week. I feel like he isn't interested in me, but he's eighteen years older than me and he says he's always had a low sex drive. It's making me crazy, I worry that he's masturbating and I thought I heard him say someone else's name during sex. So when I asked him to not think of other people during sex, he said that's mind control. Am I abusive for wanting him to only think of me when we're having sex? I feel like, because I only get it once a week, he should at least only be thinking about me. He saves pictures of naked people on his computer and I actually recently deleted them because I was so mad and resentful. Am I being abusive and is there a way we can fix things or should we just go our separate ways? I want him to be happy. Should I be okay with sex once a week when I like it every day, and is it okay that he saves naked pictures on his computer and thinks of other girls when we have sex? Thanks in advance for your insights, I really am appreciative of any help. I don't want to be controlling in my relationship but I also really crave intimacy with him and get aroused when we're cuddling together and sad that he doesn't also get aroused. Maybe I just need help handling my emotions?

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Hi Anonymous,

I'm sorry that you are unhappy with your current sex life. It is not abusive to ask that your boyfriend not call you other womens' names during sex-- I don't think you'll meet any woman who is okay with that. 

As far as deleting his photos, even though they hurt your feelings-- this is his personal computer and you can't or shouldn't just go in there deleting things you don't want him to see. This will only add another strain in your relationship and chances are he'll just get his hands on new pictures. 

I think what you need to assess is your relationship and compatibility given your large age difference. This is a man with much more experience and perhaps a lower libido than you. Some men have a preference to other activities such as foreplay, watching pornography, and masturbating rather than intercourse. You will have to discuss this with him and then determine whether you could really be happy with this or if you will get tired and end it in the long run. 

Best of luck,


May 31, 2012 - 7:52am
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