Facebook Pixel
EmpowHER Guest

What can and cant cause a pregnancy and how to be intimate without fear of pregnancy?

By Anonymous July 25, 2016 - 11:37am
Rate This

To Whom It May Concern:

I know from the title this may sound like another one of those "Can I get pregnant if..." because I've done something I regret, or whatever. This is not the case. Let me give you a little bit of background. I am almost 24 years old and have some disabilities and have been told that pregnancy can be fatal for me so the idea of pregnancy scares me to death. Also from the time I was 11 until I was 20 I had been involved with family friends at the time that I considered like family that I thought knew the answers about things, including sexual things. It turns out they were religious fanatics and had lied to me. They told me pregnancy was a punishment, that I was a punishment because I was an illegitimate child. Anything could cause a pregnancy even something as innocent as cuddling. I have a boyfriend now who shares similar disabilities that I do and he has worked with me for the past month or so to redirect my thoughts and understanding and pretty much fix the damage that these people have caused. He sat down with me and explained that the only way a pregnancy can happen is if we were to have sex, his penis in my vagina, and were to ejaculate. That the sperm has to be shot up there in that manner only because they rely on the force and moisture to work their way all the way up the vagina and into the tubes to meet with an egg and then they have to fertilize that egg. That none of this can happen from touching alone and that my digestive system and reproductive system are two totally different systems that are in no way connected which is why it is impossible to get pregnant from oral sex. In all honesty I have every intention of marrying this guy (and he wants to marry me), and he is the only man I have let touch me sexually. He understands that I cannot even risk getting pregnant and I trust him in that. We have never had full on sex and we do not intend to even after marriage because he and I both don't even want to risk it. He has told me that him touching me first (like fingering) and then me touching him after he has touched me can in no way cause a pregnancy. Neither can oral sex. I worry though sometimes of scenarios of what if I wasn't so careful about washing my hands after touching him. Even though every time after I've touched him I will wash my hands 2 and 3 times over with extra hot water and then use hand sanitizer. It's my own routine and with autism (yes I have high functioning autism) routine is necessary and helps me. But I still fear what if I'm pregnant? What if they were right and God is going to punish me. There is no way I could get pregnant based on what I've said here...and I'm afraid somebody will think bad of me for even sharing this. I love him and I do trust him and we just want to make sure that I am never put at risk and so I guess my question may just be how can we still be intimate with no risk of pregnancy. Also I am on the mini pill to regulate my hormones. Long story short after being on antiseizure medications they messed up my hormones and I had a nonstop period for a year straight that almost killed me, the mini pill keeps me from bleeding out again. I hope to hear back from someone soon and I hope you understand.

Add a Comment2 Comments

HERWriter Guide

Hi TwilightGirl13

Thanks for reaching out to EmpowHER with your concerns. You sound very intelligent and intuitive and I'm glad you have the sense to ask good questions.

Your boyfriend is pretty much right on his assessment on what gets you pregnant and what doesn't although one part he didn't say is that you can get pregnant from live sperm being deposited on the opening of your vagina, not just inside it. While it's not a common occurrence, it can happen.

As long as you take the mini-pill every day at the same time, you won't get pregnant.

Here is an article literally on how sex works - to let you know the mechanics of things: http://www.empowher.com/reproductive-system/content/how-sex-works

You need to make sure you are emotionally ready for sex. Do not be sexually active if you are paranoid about pregnancy. You need to educated and mature enough to know all about sex and the importance of birth control firsts - otherwise you'll be miserable all the time.

If pregnancy can actually kill you and you have no interest in carrying a child, you can also consider harvesting you eggs and then having your tubes tied to prevent pregnancy. Then if you later decide to have kids, you'll have your own eggs (if you'd like a surrogate), if that's something you have an interest in.

Having a life of no sex because you are so afraid of pregnancy isn't very appealing. You (or your husband, or both) can have yourself permanently sterilized so you can have all the sex you want with no fears. It's something to ponder, at least.

I hope this has helped and please think about talking to a therapist about your situation - he or she can help you further.


July 25, 2016 - 2:17pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Thank you, and yes he did explain that as well and explained that's why the pull out method doesn't work. See I have uncontrolled epilepsy, mild CP, a degenerative form of neuropathy, and an enlarged heart. He has hydrocephalus, mild CP, and we are both legally blind (him more so than me). Honestly I am ok with him touching me and me him as long as it does not cause or cannot cause pregnancy. We have both talked a lot about this. Neither of us are good candidates for surgery, and due to physical limitations as well we agreed on no actual sex. That honestly what we've been doing is totally satisfying for both of us, and even talked on ways we could still do the same thing but make it fun and not monotonous. In all honesty, I guess I just needed to hear from an expert that there is no risk of pregnancy this way. I went through 9 years of religious hell and he has been so patient in the sense of giving me time to be ok. I love him and do trust him totally. It is just something I have had to work through. I i actually am somewhat glad that I chose to trust him intimately like this because in a way despite the fear that a few months ago was so intense it was almost unbearable, my anxiety has dropped significantly. Your video with dr. Mark on youtube that talks about can i get pregnant if also really helped me. It was my boyfriend who also turned me onto your site as well as scarleteen. He sat with me and we talked about how a pregnancy happens and how these people told me lies just to scare me. I thank you so much for being so kind and discreet about this whole thing. It means a lot.

July 25, 2016 - 8:51pm
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Birth Control

Get Email Updates

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!