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What can help my non-existent sex drive. I had a hysterectomy long ago and am now in my mid 50's.

By Anonymous May 21, 2010 - 9:36am
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I had a total hysterectomy over ten years ago. I am now in my mid 50's and find it very disturbing that I have completely lost interest in sex. My soon to be husband - who is approaching 60, has no trouble getting and maintaining an erection. He would like to make love to me fairly frequently - about once a week. Me - I would rather be knitting a sweater! I do not get aroused even when he touches me in my erogenous areas. When we do have sex, it burns, hurts and is totally uncomfortable. I have tried using gels to help the problem - but they are not very effective and actually interfere with love making. My fiancee is very kind to me and will not push me to have sex with him - but I know he is quite frustrated and I have caught him masturbating when he thinks I am still sleeping. I feel very badly about the whole thing. I want to be spontaneous and enjoy sex the way I used to and be able to satisfy my man.

I am hoping you can give me some advice and direction as to what to do about this problem.
Thanks for your reply.
Ms Koko

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EmpowHER Guest

Hmm- I like the idea of a lubricant you can insert. That sounds great. Less messy and fussy. I also like that I can put it in ahead of time. I will be seeing my doc next week. I will ask her what she thinks and what she knows about this kind of lubricant. I do know that my Testosterone level is very low - however, my doc doesn't think I need any. I may get a second opinion on this as I have heard that a small dose of testosterone can help.
Thanks for the info!

May 22, 2010 - 5:28pm
HERWriter Guide

Dear Ms Koko

Thanks for your question and welcome!

I can feel your frustration in your writing and I can assure you that you're not alone.

Having both a hysterectomy and being in your 50s can wreck havoc on the libido but it's not something permanent or without treatment options.

I'm glad to know your fiance (and congratulations on getting married!) is patient and understanding, although with some natural frustrations. I wouldn't worry about his masturbation. People who have sex every day can masturbate.

A good lubricant should not interfere at all with love-making. Are you using the right one for you? Can you tell us how it interferes? Also, are you using a vibrator or other sex toys? These can help (as well as being fun!).

Are you taking any kind of hormone replacement therapy, either bioidentical or synthetic? These can really help, although there are side effects to consider.

I'd like to you to read an article, linked by Empowher's founder, Michelle King Robson that may also help: http://www.empowher.com/community/share/six-ways-help-your-sex-drive-after-menopause-check-out-great-article

Ms Koko, have you had your hormone and thyoid levels checked?

May 21, 2010 - 1:14pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks for your reply. I am not worried about the masturbation - I would just like to be able to be there for him. As for sex toys we don't have any. I thought about a vibrator and now maybe I should consider one. As for the lubrication thing - well- my man is VERY old fashioned and does not want to help me with it. It is a bit of a nuisance - but then perhaps I could try some before we have sex. I do not use any HRT as I had been on that for 10 years after my surgery. I have tried vaginal estrogen which seems to work OK, but it is quite expensive and we are on a limited budget - not covered by Pharmacare.
Thanks for the info and I will try some of your suggestions.

May 21, 2010 - 6:04pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)


Thanks for writing back!

I remember you saying you'd 'rather be knitting a sweater' than having sex (and trust me, we all feel that way sometimes - even those of us who don't knit!) so it seems that your hormones may out of whack.

I'm sorry about your insurance situation. Can you get some medications (via a prescription from you doctor) through Canada? This could cost you less than half of what you'd pay here.

With regard to the lubricant issue - are you using a cream or gels? They can be messy and annoying. Have you tried a lubricant insert instead? You just pop one inside (like a tampon but much smaller) and it's shell liquidizes with your body temperature. You can do it before sex (many are effective up to 4-6 hours) and he doesn't even need to know. Have you tried this method?

May 22, 2010 - 5:03am
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