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What can I do to control my feelings of jealousy?

By August 17, 2010 - 9:02pm
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Hello all! I had been with and living with my guy for a little over 3 years. About 3 months ago I moved out for a few different reasons: 1. He wouldn't allow my 13 year old son to live with us 2. About a year and a half ago he was laid off and started a business out of the home which kept him occupied and away from the home very early in the morning to very late at night, including midnight and 6 am phone calls. 3. Getting frustrated not spending any time with him and wondering where he would be made me become worried and jealous. The time we would spend together was filled with a lot of tension. We are still together and not seeing other people, but we only spend a couple of days together a week- one day for 2-3 hours and I spend Saturday nights there. Unfortunately, I have always been a jealous type because of being cheated on in the past. Before my beau and I got together, he was apparently quite the player, which I didn't find out about until after we were together for about 6 months. This didn't help the jealousy. Both my guy and I are very much into fitness and it seems as if his interests are 1. Cars 2. Gym 3. Everything else. He is very much hot and cold where he will be really nice for a few days and then act very distant for the next few days. I'm a very sensitive person and on "distant" days I get feeling bad about myself like he's thinking about someone else. I know it's extreme butI take it very personally. He tells me I need to quit being so emotional but I just don't know how. He has 3 or 4 good friends that are usually over just about every night. This kind of bothers me, but he says he doesn't fell like he has to perform for them- that he can work on his things while his friends hang out and do their own thing. When I am over it has to be about couple time, not work time he says. It really disturbs me that I worry and get so jealous though. He tells me it drives him crazy that I'm this way, and I hve asked him why he is with me if I make him so miserable. he says he's not miserable but just wishes I would chill out. I work full time and have 4 children as well as go to the gym 6-7 days a week, so it's not because i have nothing better to do than worry. Any advice on how NOt to be a textbook psycho g-f?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Connie!

Thanks for your post!

It sounds like moving on may be the best move for now (especially if he doesn't want your young son living with you all, quite frankly, I would have ended the relationship upon that 'merit' alone!) and it might be time to reevaluate being in this relationship.

For a grown woman who works full time and has four kids (and goes to the gym 6-7 times a week (how do you manage that?!) you may want to leave the whole boyfriend thing alone for right now, since all it does is create a negative impact on your life, (and likely your kids too).

It sounds like you two just are not a good match. That doesn't make either one of you the 'bad guy' - it simply means you're not a good match.

We have had some similar questions regarding relationships and jealousy in the past that we spent a lot of time on, and I think these may help you a lot!



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August 18, 2010 - 12:07pm
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