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ask: What can my bf and I do to re-ignite our sexual desires for eachother?

By lookingforsolution
 
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Im 33 and he is 32...living together for a year and a half now first 6 months sex was not bad we did it at least 3 times or more a week. After that once a week and then once every two weeks now its up to a month and no sex. For the last 6 months plus i have only initiated the sex except for one time maybe. My bf does not work but he didnt work when i met him. He has on and off jobs in construction through his family. He smokes weed every night. I just completed a school program and am busy now with my extership in a hosptial. We both gained a little weight. I gained 10lbs and he gained a little more. I know he goes on internet porn. But he doesnt know that I know..he may suspect i know. I confronted him a while ago about us not having a normal sex life befoe and nothing changed. I confronted him today again.because i now myself last week have just started going on the web to talk with and see men and I feel guilty...but im just lonely and dont feel any sexual attention from him anymore at all. I asked him if it was the weed smoking and he said that its not becouase of smoking weed and said that he is not horny before he smokes so wont be horny after. He said maybe hes libido has slowed down but maybe the reason he doesnt want to is because I always force it on him.. or because i always want him to perform oral sex on me... or because we both gained a lot of weight...(we havent gained that much weight) or maybe because we're always on top of eachother and never get any time apart so we don't miss eachother. Meanwhile.. I went away for 4 days to texas to see family and he didnt come so that is time apart and when i came back we didnt have sex that night. A week later He went skiing for acouple days with his friend.. so that was more healthy time apart. So I just dont know what he means by that.. we live together so we are obviously going to be on top of eachother. He asked me if i would have wanted him to have sex with me even though he wasnt in the mood and didnt want to. He said he doesnt want it to feel like its a chore.. But that he would like the desire for hime to want me like that again to come back too...but not sure what to do.. He did tell me he loves me and loves our relationship together.

Please help ...any advice anyone could offer me?? So depressed over this and I know im a beautiful and sexy and sensual women and he is a good looking and sexy man.. but dont understand how he's not turned on by me anymore:( I always had to push my bfs away because they wanted it too much...this is very upsetting..what can we do or can I do??
Thank--you
C= solution?

Add a Comment9 Comments

lookingforsolution

Thanks again...you're awesome and very optomistic..as I am. I really appreciate that :) That's a great idea..there is a great hiking trail up a waterfall in upstate ny that I've been to that I love and now would be a great time to take a ride up there. I know that this is abnormal I've always had an active and healthy sex life with my past lover and if anything I would have to calm him down and he wanted it all the time lol!...but I loved it! I miss that so much but not giving up on this guy just yet. I love him dearly and know he feels the same so have to get him to snap out of it. thanks again for your input, it has been very helpful.

Will definitely keep you posted as to what happens :) Have a great week..
C :0)

April 13, 2011 - 4:52pm
alluragrace

Good luck sistah : ) One more idea you might try... it may help fuel the fire by initiating more physical activity like planning a hike, bike ride, or something for you both to enjoy together. Getting out of your usual routine and enjoying a fun active date may restore his passion and ignite his energy and desire to be more intimate. This seems to always work well for me, as my fiance and I are both 40, extremely active/energetic, and enjoy lots of amazing sex quite often.

April 13, 2011 - 1:59pm
lookingforsolution

Hi there.. and thank you for your suggestion. I am going to look it up and try and see if he would be open to taking an all natural supplement. It really sounds great to me :) Also thank you for the kind words .. I will not give up and I do know that it is not me:) I do feel sexy and will keep my head up.and do what I have to do in the mean time..;) Since my last post I went to him and talked about everything. He claims its not the weed..but I think that is his way of not finding anything wrong with his use. He said that he's not happy with the way he looks and gained a little weight so maybe that is why,,, We both gained a little weight..but that didnt do anything to my sex drive ( we didnt gain that much weight).. also he says he's not horny before the smoking or after smoking weed.and he doesnt know why.. he also said that I am in my prime and my libido has increased as a womans does after 30 and his has decreased because he's getting older..if that is the case as a man he still should want sex atleast once a week..not once every one or two months.. It seems as though he is trying to come up with excuses. But I think you are right.. he probably isnt able to keep an erection and his libido has decreased.. and he's embarrased. I truly believe the weed smoking has something to do with it. So I will look into that product.. thanks to all again for all of your very helpful advice :) I will keep you posted..
C

April 12, 2011 - 8:38pm
alluragrace

I've heard that men who smoke weed every day can have a harder time getting and maintaining an erection - so he may not be able to perform as well as he used to and that could be embarrasing for him. You may want to see if he will take an all-natural daily supplement to help increase his sex drive and energy level. There is a terrific product called Mdrive designed specifically for men looking to increase their sex drive, strength, stamina and overall vitality. It is made from herbal & mushroom extracts I know a lot of men who take it every day and they love it. Good luck and stay sexy - whether he appreciates it or not. Focus on taking care of YOU, and even enjoy masturbation to satisfy your desires.

April 11, 2011 - 10:30am
Maryann Gromisch RN Guide (reply to alluragrace)

Hi alluragrace,
The link to the product was removed to comply with the policy of this website.

April 11, 2011 - 6:00pm
lookingforsolution

thank you writter.. he has some erection pills in the bathroom draw that he used to use early on in the relationship that enhanced our time in the bedroom. Ive sugguested him taking them again. Its just very one-sided now where as I find I am the only one really making an effort. I guess I will just give it sometime and see if any changes come about and see what he suggests. Eventually I will have to do something. I love him and don't want to leave him but I want a life, a full and fulfilling life with marriage and children and he seems to be stuck on smoking weed as a lifestyle and not very aggressive in career or job seeking...so along with our lack of intimacy there might come a day where, I just have to say goodbye:(

April 5, 2011 - 6:02pm
lookingforsolution

Hi Maryann,

Thank you for responding. Yes I am excited about my new career. I have just finished a program in Ultrasound Cardiovascular technology and am doing my externship now. It is a great accomplishment and I am very excited and can't wait to start working. In the meantime cotinuing to study for the registry test so I may become registered. I see you are a nurse? How do you like nursing?

Yes unfortunately lack of intimacy is a major issue. I am very happy with many things in our relationship. We love to vacation. We cook together. Spend great and quality time with one another's families. He is a very kind, sensitive and warm person. That is a big part of the reason why I love him so dearly. We are able to laugh together and enjoy our time together. But unfortunately he doesnt come on to me anymore and its just hurtful that we are no longer sharing that closeness. Besides therapy.. was thinking maybe watching porn together or idont know what else to do. My father thinks he has issues and says there are deeper and that I am not at fault. He also said it has nothing to do with my weight or how attractive I am. So he saying that my bf is coming up with excuses. I know he loves me and is here for me 100% in every other way emotionally..a friend.. etc.. but just can't understand how he does not feel the need to share what most men find SO important.
Thank you for your input.
C-

April 5, 2011 - 5:56pm
Maryann Gromisch RN Guide

Hi,
I am sorry that you are so unhappy in your relationship. I sounds like you are trying to do something positive with your life by returning to school. Sex, or the lack of, seems to be the major issue and source of conflict in your relationship. Do you and your boyfriend share any other interests, hobbies or activities? There is more to a healthy relationship than sex. Sex is only one part.

April 5, 2011 - 5:26pm
lookingforsolution

Also we dont kiss anymore... I do make sure I go over to him and give him a quick kiss goodbye or hello..and we snuggle together so we are not totally distant but thats where it stops and I have to initiate any kind of affection to get any back.

April 5, 2011 - 4:05pm
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