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What Kind Of Lover Are You?

By February 13, 2009 - 12:54am
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We live in a society where sex is at its core. We think of ourselves as great lovers, the media bombards us what images of the perfect lover, the perfect couple, the sexiest men alive, etc. But what type of lover are you? Below is an interesting list that describes various types according to Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle:

1. The romantic
You love being in love. You may be swept away by your new lover’s looks or other appealing physical attributes—and disappointed when they change over time.

2. The list-maker
You have criteria that are important, and you won’t change them. Even if you’re in a committed relationship, you may put too much pressure on your partner to live up to your standards.

3. The obsessive
You want to spend all your time with your partner. And you constantly worry about your relationship, even when you’ve been together for years. Schwartz says this kind of partner can be overbearing or have highs and lows that drive her significant other crazy.

4. The giver
You may give more than you get. “At some point, you find that it’s all going one way,” Schwartz says. You’re constantly working selflessly to meet your partner’s needs, but you’re not looking after you.

5. The player
You love courtship. “For these lovers, the chase is a lot of it,” Schwartz says. You’re easily bored in long-term relationships, though, and your eye may roam.

6. The pal
Love seems to creep up on you. One day you think, “Wow, I’ve really been spending a lot of time with Jack,” then realize you’re in love. In the long term, your relationship may be quiet, but it’s strong.

So, what type of lover are you? Can you think of another kind not listed here perhaps?

Add a Comment8 Comments

I think I'm with Susan here. When you're younger, the bad boys are great and it's OK to hang around with someone who's willing to break the rules a bit. But when you feel like you're starting to lose your self respect, I think it's time to move on. I like a gentleman and fortunately, married one. This isn't to say he wasn't a bad boy in his earlier years, because in some respects he was. Fortunately, we both grew up together.

And I think it's funny that we all can relate to all of the categories in the list above. I think it goes to prove just how complicated women are. In my marriage, I would say I'm No. 6 and really enjoy it.

February 16, 2009 - 11:56am
EmpowHER Guest

I love the response. This is so true. Being the single lady that I am, I am not really interested in the men that chase me since it doesn't appear FUN to me. I like to do the chasing since it appears to be more of a challenge. I am very competitive.

As for the “bad boy” scenario. I own that t-shirt. What draws us to them so much? It is amazing how a rough and tough guy that treats you like dirt can be so captivating. The nice, endearing ones, I treat like dirt and push them aside like a dirty mop. I am in my early 30s and maybe one day that persona will change. As for now, the chase is pretty interesting to say the least.

February 14, 2009 - 1:41pm
(reply to Anonymous)

LOL -- your dirty mop comment made me laugh! That's so true, too. Give me a "bad boy" any time. I don't know why that is, but it works for me.....

February 16, 2009 - 10:35am
HERWriter Guide

I agree that the chase is fun although I usually sat back and was chased - it was easier and more interesting for me!

And it's not bad as long as you don't misrepresent yourself or your intentions.

You may always enjoy the chase part of a relationship more than the relationship itself but odds are you'll even get bored with that part. When you meet someone who keeps you on your toes and keeps things interesting, you'll probably actually enjoy a relationship with that person and it could end up being permanent!

In my 20s, I enjoyed the company of 'bad boys'. I wasn't interested in anything sensible or permanent so it really worked for me. Then, in the blink of an eye, I got really bored with the bad boys because they were everywhere - a dime a dozen! The hot commodity for me became the gentleman. A species sometimes hard to find! A guy who held the door, who called when he said he would, who used manners and, basically, didn't treat me like dirt. And I thought - why didn't I realize how cool this is before!

Bad boys make fun boyfriends and terrible husbands!

February 14, 2009 - 12:46pm
EmpowHER Guest

All the above....

At this stage in my life at 31, I have to admit that I am a player. I am easily bored as an Aries anyhow. The chase is the fun...once the chase is over, I am looking for something new. Although, this really sounds pathetic, I am pretty happy. Is that bad?

February 14, 2009 - 11:57am

I'm with Susan -- I think there have been times when I've been a little of all six types. I can't fit myself into just one type. The listmaker cracks me up because I've been there, but then when I met someone who I ended up falling in love with, many of the things on my list totally fell by the wayside.

February 13, 2009 - 8:47pm
HERWriter Guide

I'm sure, at some stage in my life, I have fitted all 6 types!

As I grow older now (later 30s) I have certain criteria for my husband.

He has to be a caring, hard-working, humorous, decent, intelligent human being who remains faithful and devoted to his wife and kids, and tries to live his life in a healthy and prosperous way. I'd like to think the world is just a little bit better because he's in it. Lucky for me he fits all the criteria, or works hard tryin'!

All the other stuff has fallen by the wayside. Turned it, it was only 'stuff' after all, and I'm all done with 'stuff'.


February 13, 2009 - 12:17pm

I would say I'm mostly the list-making.

I would never date a person who smokes cigarettes, nor would I date someone shorter than me or my height. It is also important for my perspective boyfriends to have a college education, or a plan to achieve this goal. I also wouldn't date someone going bald, though I wouldn't break-up with someone because years later they became bald. I also want someone who is within a normal BMI, but again, if he became overweight later, I wouldn't end the relationship, though I might try to get him to a gym.

While I may sound picky, I think it's better to know what I want and not just settle.

Additionally, it's important to recognize that I didn't exclude men from specific religions or races, who have low paying jobs, crooked noses, etc. So I might be picky, but I'm also leaving a lot of options available.

February 13, 2009 - 10:11am
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