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Why am I so afraid to have sex with my husband?

By January 18, 2015 - 4:38pm
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Hey. I'm nineteen and got married at 18. I feel like I'm pretty well put together and growing into an adult is all but a speedy blur. I've been married for almost a year and have only showed my husband 100% of me. I won't lie, I had sexual partners in the past. And I was a hormonal teenager as everyone has been.. but I've noticed that coming into adulthood, especially with a spouse, who, may I add, is absolutely wonderful and amazing and definitely my soul mate.. so why is it that this person that I want to give the entire world to.. can't have sex with me because I'm too uneasy about it. I grew up Catholic, and my mom always considered having sex at random was taboo.. she's had 3 husbands and 3 sexual partners. Is it because subconsciously, I've told myself it was taboo, and after my rebellious, do-anything-to-make-mom-mad stage, I continued to tell myself it was wrong, even through marriage? How do I fix it?

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Ananzuhh

Thanks for your post. 

Many women (and not men) are raised to believe that sex is dirty unless you are married. Dirty, gross and even painful.  Then suddenly they are expected to get married and enjoy sex and find it all wonderful.  These mixed messages are borne out of religious dogma and cultural messages we are bombarded with from childhood. 

I don't know how you went from loving sex to now being afraid of it, now that you are married. Perhaps therapy can help you work through this.  Perhaps you enjoyed the thrill of being "bad" in your teens and now that sex is allowed - encouraged - you don't find it as appealing. 

Maybe you feel guilty about your youth (there is no need to feel like this)?

Working this out with a therapist who specializes in these matters will help you put your past behind you and enjoy your life with your husband. 

Good luck! 


January 19, 2015 - 7:00am
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