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Why am I so crazy?

By August 8, 2010 - 3:57am
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I am desperate for help.
I am a lost 23 year old who inside feels and acts like a little girl.
I am in an adult relationship with my partner who is nearly 30 and I love him so so much that it has become obsession. I have always had anger issues but since being with him for nearly 3 years Ive seen the worst come out of me, I get really crazy and angry, I kick things, throw things, punch things, I get so crazy when I am in a rage i even do weird mental things like screaming and crying hysterically, falling onto the floor, pulling my hair fiercely, last night I even punched myself really hard in the eye i was going mental. I do all this in front of him and he's scared, he loves me so much but he says he cant take this anymore so then he breaks up with me and i cant stand to be without him and that sets me off going crazy, I even grab knifes, tablets, threaten to harm myself, I took an overdose two weeks ago and ended up in hospital.I have self harmed in the past.I know I have something wrong, either a mental problem, some emotional issues or bipolar but the doctors are slow at helping me.when will they help me, when I am dead? Why have I turned into this crazy psycho girl? I am so afraid and thats why i often want to die..who wants to be a crazy mental young girl..what kind of life is that? :( :(

I was just writing on here incase it sounds familiar to anyone like a disorder or something.

Add a Comment14 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

I know how you feel in a since, i hate when my fiance leaves with her family, especially if we have to change our plans to please her family. Even on this very day i needed her to be here by 1:30 but her dads not bringing her back till 4 or later....... iv cried off n on and been moody on the phone to her all day and I'm scared shes gonna dump me because she thinks I'm being controlling

August 17, 2014 - 12:07pm
EmpowHER Guest

I have been like this for years, I have been married for 5 years & have a 4 & 2 yr old and my husband is so patient with me & has been on the recieving end of alot of outrageous outburst, he is good for the family but it has put a huge dent in our relationship towards each other. Things seem to have settle for me & than out of no where I lose it! I too get the little girl syndrome, not the innocence but just were your not able to think emotionally as an adult. I put it down to a troubled life growing up. Get help as soon as you can, check yourself into hospital! You will be better for it.

June 12, 2012 - 9:28am

I have the same uncontrollable anger, I freak out badly. I just feel I'm crazy. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do when I do it. I hit myself and cry and scream. I really can't control it though. I thought I was the only one, I'm 19 and I have an 8 month old daughter, she has helped me calm down mst the time but sometimes it just comes out when something that hurts me or makes unbelievable mad. But I do not have money to go to the doctors. When I was younger they said I was bipolar but I was only in the harbor for three days so I feel it wasn't long enough time to proper diagnos me with something. What should I do?

March 3, 2012 - 1:38pm
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Leanne,

I have to say that I am pretty concerned about you also from reading this post. I have to agree that you are certainly not 'crazy', it appears that you need better coping skills on how to deal with stress (boyfriend, job loss, anger). There are many things going on.

You say that you do not want to get claim benefits...why? This is exactly what it is there for! It doesn't matter what everyone thinks because you are the one that is suffering, not Joe, John, Tim or Tom.

Please keep us updated after your Thursday appointment. The school records, I agree, have nothing to do with suicidal thoughts, anger, rage....etc.

I will be looking forward to your update.

August 15, 2010 - 9:14am

The thing is I try so hard , I tell the doctors to help me, I even wrote them notes saying I wanted to kill myself and begged them and they just seem to take their time with everything. I am going to one this thursday and I hope so much she helps me I am going to beg her and say I am in the middle of a breakdown.Its so hard.It really is and I dont know how to cope alot of the time.

August 14, 2010 - 4:37pm

Yes I will check with them again and move on to someone else if they still say they want the records.
Losing my job kind of came out of the blue, they said ''we are terminating your contract becuase you have continued to use your email during work hours to email someone outside of work''
and they had given me a previous written warning for it.
But someone there is on a final warning and I didnt even get that chance, so I am going to see if I can open a case against them as I feel it was unfair and I am so worried about whats going to happen now and if I can find a job or not.I dont want to be claiming benefits and have people look down on me like im being lazy :(
I am just so worried about everything and I always worry that my boyfriend will leave me, I even dream about not being able to contact him or locate him..things get into my subconcience.

August 14, 2010 - 12:51pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to leannek87)

Hi Leanne

I am not sure about your work situation - your first warning may have been your final warning - you should look into this. Hence it could not have come 'out of the blue' since you knew you were on warning. Leanne, you cannot be on personal emails at work and expect to keep your job - especially after a written warning.

You are perfectly entitled to open a case against them but bear in mind that they have written documentation of a prior warning and your case may take months only to find that your case was not considered to have merit. I just want to let you know that it may be a tough case and your coworkers various warnings may not be taken into consideration.

Leanne, I'm quite concerned that you are smack in the middle of a breakdown and need inpatient care or intense daily therapy. You can present yourself at an emergency room and get help there or call your doctor/clinic even after hours and message them that you are in real crisis. Your job is gone and you are obsessing over your boyfriend and living in a state of constant fear, fright and stress. This is not safe and you are not in a position to keep mulling this over. This is a crisis and you need to get help now so please place these calls today and get into care immediately.

No one deserves to live like this and I promise you can overcome this - but you can't overcome this by remaining in a kind of limbo - waiting for calls and talking about school records. None of this is helping you.

Please go for help today - it is out there and it will help you enormously, I promise. If you have national health service when you live, then cost will not be an issue. Make sure you present your case as that of an emergency (which is may be) in order to avoid waiting lists.

Will you update us as soon as you can?

August 14, 2010 - 4:27pm

OOps the above comment was from me

August 14, 2010 - 2:31am
HERWriter Guide (reply to leannek87)

Hi leannek27

Doctors do not need school records in order to make a diagnosis; this is a complete fallacy. If this were the case, what happens to all of the people who did not attend school, grew up in foreign countries, war torn countries or attended schools who only issue academic grades with no commentary? These numbers are far higher than those who attended formal schools.

Their demand for "school records" makes no sense at all. I have never heard of this being a pre-requisite for any kind of diagnosis. There must be a) something else going on or b) they are confused and/or confusing you by meaning something else.

Please check back with them and clarify this. If they insist they need school records, move on to a different doctor as they are incorrect in this area.

I'm sorry to hear you lost your job - did something happen at work to cause this?

August 14, 2010 - 5:05am
EmpowHER Guest

The school records are from high school and the doctor said he needs them to make a proper diagnosis, I have emailed them recently explaining I cannot get them but no reply yet.
When I wrote this before I was employed but yesterday they sacked me which has turned my world even more upside down, I dont want to be claiming benefits.
I do live with my boyfriend but am unable to distance myself from him, I have family here but they not very helpful and compassionate i dont have any friends except a couple who I worked with that I got on well with. Everyone seems to abandon me, I know i must be a terrible person for them to do this but I really try to be good. I love nature and animals , I am always trying to help people in need so I dont understand why people dont like me much.
I am definitely not exaggerating my symptoms, everything I say is true. I want to find a therapist but they all cost money and now I find myself unemployed I am even more stuck.I will private message you my city

August 14, 2010 - 2:30am
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