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Why am I so crazy?

By August 8, 2010 - 3:57am
 
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I am desperate for help.
I am a lost 23 year old who inside feels and acts like a little girl.
I am in an adult relationship with my partner who is nearly 30 and I love him so so much that it has become obsession. I have always had anger issues but since being with him for nearly 3 years Ive seen the worst come out of me, I get really crazy and angry, I kick things, throw things, punch things, I get so crazy when I am in a rage i even do weird mental things like screaming and crying hysterically, falling onto the floor, pulling my hair fiercely, last night I even punched myself really hard in the eye i was going mental. I do all this in front of him and he's scared, he loves me so much but he says he cant take this anymore so then he breaks up with me and i cant stand to be without him and that sets me off going crazy, I even grab knifes, tablets, threaten to harm myself, I took an overdose two weeks ago and ended up in hospital.I have self harmed in the past.I know I have something wrong, either a mental problem, some emotional issues or bipolar but the doctors are slow at helping me.when will they help me, when I am dead? Why have I turned into this crazy psycho girl? I am so afraid and thats why i often want to die..who wants to be a crazy mental young girl..what kind of life is that? :( :(

I was just writing on here incase it sounds familiar to anyone like a disorder or something.
:(

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I feel like I am losing my mind, like I'm no good of a person being in this poor state of mind. I can't pinpoint what is going on and likewise I am seeking medical help to be diagnosed or to be helped. I too have gone absolutely crazy throwing things, breaking things, screaming, crying, at times laughing because I just didn't know whether to be mad happy or sad. My husband has been patient and not so understanding but nonetheless patient with my crazy behavior. I don't know what is wrong and I feel like a child doing adult things. Ok very afraid my husband will leave because he can't handle another child to look after. There is a history of mental disorder on my mothers side and I'm so afraid I will be the crazy person I always thought and refused to grow up and be. Why is this happening to me and why can't I be or feel normal? I've not been suicidal or ever tried but I have said it aloud out of anger but never acted upon it as I'm scared to death of what would become of my children. Any tips or answers would be great, I'm just at a loss here with all of this at first I thought it was depression from postpartum but my daughter is 14 months already and I just believe that my it would have been ok by now?

February 11, 2017 - 4:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I know how you feel in a since, i hate when my fiance leaves with her family, especially if we have to change our plans to please her family. Even on this very day i needed her to be here by 1:30 but her dads not bringing her back till 4 or later....... iv cried off n on and been moody on the phone to her all day and I'm scared shes gonna dump me because she thinks I'm being controlling

August 17, 2014 - 12:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have been like this for years, I have been married for 5 years & have a 4 & 2 yr old and my husband is so patient with me & has been on the recieving end of alot of outrageous outburst, he is good for the family but it has put a huge dent in our relationship towards each other. Things seem to have settle for me & than out of no where I lose it! I too get the little girl syndrome, not the innocence but just were your not able to think emotionally as an adult. I put it down to a troubled life growing up. Get help as soon as you can, check yourself into hospital! You will be better for it.

June 12, 2012 - 9:28am

I have the same uncontrollable anger, I freak out badly. I just feel I'm crazy. My boyfriend doesn't know what to do when I do it. I hit myself and cry and scream. I really can't control it though. I thought I was the only one, I'm 19 and I have an 8 month old daughter, she has helped me calm down mst the time but sometimes it just comes out when something that hurts me or makes unbelievable mad. But I do not have money to go to the doctors. When I was younger they said I was bipolar but I was only in the harbor for three days so I feel it wasn't long enough time to proper diagnos me with something. What should I do?

March 3, 2012 - 1:38pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Leanne,

I have to say that I am pretty concerned about you also from reading this post. I have to agree that you are certainly not 'crazy', it appears that you need better coping skills on how to deal with stress (boyfriend, job loss, anger). There are many things going on.

You say that you do not want to get claim benefits...why? This is exactly what it is there for! It doesn't matter what everyone thinks because you are the one that is suffering, not Joe, John, Tim or Tom.

Please keep us updated after your Thursday appointment. The school records, I agree, have nothing to do with suicidal thoughts, anger, rage....etc.

I will be looking forward to your update.

August 15, 2010 - 9:14am

The thing is I try so hard , I tell the doctors to help me, I even wrote them notes saying I wanted to kill myself and begged them and they just seem to take their time with everything. I am going to one this thursday and I hope so much she helps me I am going to beg her and say I am in the middle of a breakdown.Its so hard.It really is and I dont know how to cope alot of the time.

August 14, 2010 - 4:37pm

Yes I will check with them again and move on to someone else if they still say they want the records.
Losing my job kind of came out of the blue, they said ''we are terminating your contract becuase you have continued to use your email during work hours to email someone outside of work''
and they had given me a previous written warning for it.
But someone there is on a final warning and I didnt even get that chance, so I am going to see if I can open a case against them as I feel it was unfair and I am so worried about whats going to happen now and if I can find a job or not.I dont want to be claiming benefits and have people look down on me like im being lazy :(
I am just so worried about everything and I always worry that my boyfriend will leave me, I even dream about not being able to contact him or locate him..things get into my subconcience.

August 14, 2010 - 12:51pm

OOps the above comment was from me

August 14, 2010 - 2:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

The school records are from high school and the doctor said he needs them to make a proper diagnosis, I have emailed them recently explaining I cannot get them but no reply yet.
When I wrote this before I was employed but yesterday they sacked me which has turned my world even more upside down, I dont want to be claiming benefits.
I do live with my boyfriend but am unable to distance myself from him, I have family here but they not very helpful and compassionate i dont have any friends except a couple who I worked with that I got on well with. Everyone seems to abandon me, I know i must be a terrible person for them to do this but I really try to be good. I love nature and animals , I am always trying to help people in need so I dont understand why people dont like me much.
I am definitely not exaggerating my symptoms, everything I say is true. I want to find a therapist but they all cost money and now I find myself unemployed I am even more stuck.I will private message you my city

August 14, 2010 - 2:30am

I keep going to the doctors and they agree I need help, they say ''we will refer you to this person, that person, etc, you are on a waiting list, someone will contact you'' and nothing ever happens. I haven't yet been diagnosed with anything, in the process of being diagnosed with adhd by an adhd specialist but he needed by school reports which I cannot get, there always seems to be a barrier.
im going again tomorrow to ask for some counselling or something but i always feel like they never seem to care, but oneday it will be too late :(

August 8, 2010 - 3:12pm
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