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Why are my boyfriend and I having a lack of intimacy and is it possible to gain it back?

By November 17, 2015 - 9:17pm
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years now. In the beginning we had a healthy, and frequent sex life. We frequently were having sex and in public showing appropriate PDA and signs of affection towards each other.
For the past few months we haven't been having sex. Or really showing any signs of affection at home or in public. When I try to he gets easily frustrated and irritable. Recently after an argument I finally got him to admit that "although he loves me, he doesn't know if he is in love with me because he isn't sexually attracted to me." He said I am beautiful and but he just isn't sexually attracted to me anymore. He also said he sees me almost like a sister which mentally is putting an obstacle in the way of him trying to find sexual desire. We love each other and decided we want to try to make this work.. We were possibly thinking about seeing a therapist as a couple or him individually.

Is there any hope for rescuing this relationship!?

Add a Comment4 Comments

Alright, my husband and i have hit this brick wall before. It comes from being around each other or living together for a certain period of time. It helps to show him that you are a sexual creature. As you didn't state that you have kids, im assuming you don't, so here are some suggestions.

1. walk around in lingerie while doing daily tasks such as cooking. bend over intentionally to pick things up with your butt to him. Believe me, he will look.

2. Not all signs of affection need to be sexual. maybe while watching a movie just snuggle into the crook of his arm.

3. It could be stress from work, or school, or maybe even friends on his part. Did something happen in his family lately? maybe he just needs to vent to you.

4. Start to do little things for him, like cook and serve him breakfast in bed. maybe go pick up a movie you know he will like from the rental place. Bring home his favorite carry out on the way home from work.

5. When you are relaxing at home, go to your room, strip, and walk out casually like nothing is any different and carry on like so.

6. sometimes they want you to be the aggressor. There are times when my husband says hes too tired or just not feeling it. Unbutton his pants, slide them down, push him on the chair and straddle him. believe me, that will help lol.

I hope i have helped in some way. although the problem may be more of a need of his, not sexuality. maybe he is having personal issues, ect. things he has to work out. in this case, none of the above may prove useful.

December 22, 2015 - 12:34am

Do you think it is possible that therapy will help?
In any similar cases is it achievable to overcome this point of view?

November 18, 2015 - 10:59am
HERWriter Guide (reply to Sasha4)

Hi Anon

You need to ask your boyfriend if he thinks therapy would help - we can't say to any degree of certainty. But therapy often helps relationships in crisis.

However, as I said, if your boyfriend no longer sees you as a romantic partner then the romantic part of your relationship is older. You can't make a partner feel differently if that's how he genuinely feels.


November 18, 2015 - 3:37pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi Sasha

Thanks for your post!

You can certainly try couples therapy - it could really help.

However, your boyfriend was very honest with you and said he no longer feels a sexual attraction to you and feels you are more like a sister or best friend then you may need to accept that. Many relationships fizzle out after a few years so if this is the case with you, you're going to have to let him go.

He needs to make this decision quickly and not string you along.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.


November 18, 2015 - 5:55am
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