why cant he have sex now or commit

Hi Unhappy 40,

Thank you for sharing your question with the EmpowHER community.

It sounds like your partner could be suffering from a very common male sexual dysfunction called Erectile Dysfunction.  Erectile Dysfunction occurs when a man can't get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.

Men experience ED during times of stress, so if your partner feels any pressure to have sex or perform a certain way, this could bring it on. It could also be a sign of a health problem that needs treatment or be a sign of emotional or relationship difficulty that needs to be addressed by a professional (a sex and relationship expert).  

Additionally, erectile dysfunction has been known to cause stress, affect self confidence and contribute to relationship problems for men who are affected.

It is very rare that ED is caused by the person the man is having sex with.  With that said, you should learn about the condition and be as supportive, sensitive, understanding and patient as you can be.  

This issue has caused him to feel insecure and feel safer spending time with his parents instead of you.  Although it may be hard not to take it personal, once you understand the potential issue, it will help you support your partner thru it.  

His level of commitment to you is largely associated to the stress he feels as a result of his condition.  First and foremost, let your partner know that there is more about him that you appreciate other than sex. Make sure there are times you spend together where sex  will not be expected.  

Here's a good resource that will hopefully help. A Partner's Guide to Erectile Dysfunction

Good luck to you both!

Be well,

~Gillette