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why does my boyfriend not want to have sex anymore

By March 26, 2012 - 11:39am
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So I'm 31 yrs old and my boyfriend is 25 yrs old.....We've been dateing for almost 4 yrs now and like all other relationships everything was great for the first 3 yrs and then our sex life started dropping .....we use to have sex at least once a week if not more but then for no reason at all he just stopped wanting it....He claimed at first he was tried from woring late like 12 or 1 am before he would get home but then he would stay up anyways and sit on facebook on nite dam near....He doesnt work there anymore and he hasnt for like 6 months now he went almost 2 months without working and we still never had sex so i know now that he was just saying that to get out of haveing sex....we went from haveing sex every week to maybe and idk yet cause we still havent had sex but i think its become a once every 2 month thing if that and if we do have sex i pretty much have to make him do it cause he wont anyother way...he says he still fines me very hot and all but hes not showing it.....Now he blames it on the kids that im to loud and they will here us if we try in the morening time but then he says at night hes to tried so i'm at my wits end idk what to think anymore thank god i have toys cause im in my sexually peek and he should be to....which leaves me to believe that hes getting it from someone else he does have a history of cheating on his pass g.f. but he swears that it was because he was only a kid then and he claims that he would never cheat on me but i still have my doubts just because of his pass.....just this pass week i found out he was watching porn on the computer which i really dont care bout that part the part that bugs me is how are you knowing this is a problem in our relationship and then your gonna watch porn and get yourself off rather then have sex with me......He says that his relationships always go that way lots of sex at first then it slows down to me thats not slowing down we our not having sex at all......Idk what to do anymore talking about it doesnt work he just gets mad at me and then says stupid stuff just because he knows it'll hurt me so i dont bring it up anymore and i dont even bother to try and get him in the mood anymore.....I know its not because I gained a bunch of weight from haveing 3 kids or let myself go i'm 5ft 9in and i weigh 115 lbs and im tone as hell so i know its not that ......if anyone else has gone through this or knows anything about why this is happening your suggestins would be greatly appreciated thanks.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi hbe31!

Thanks for your post.

You should care about his porn, because he has substituted you for it.

He is not telling you the truth about what's going on. Every time his excuses run out, he finds another one. Is he the father of your children?

He may be having an affair (either actual or emotional - what's he doing on Facebook all night?) or becoming addicted to porn and may not even be able to have sex with a real woman at all. All cheaters claim they don't cheat. If they admitted it, it's be out in the open and they wouldn't be "cheaters" with all the lying and covering up.

Stop allowing him to get away with this and get some answers so that at least you have an honest answer and you know where you stand. You're waiting for him to make the changes but life is working pretty well for him right now - it's you that has to change as it doesn't sound like he will.

For more info and to read stories from hundreds of other women, click here: http://www.empowher.com/community/ask/why-doesnt-my-boyfriend-want-have-...



March 26, 2012 - 12:04pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

I do feel a little like hes not telling me everything and I have asked him what are you hideing from me and he will say nothing ....I asked about the porn he swears its a site hes been going on sense he was a teenager but the site he goes on has one of those pop up things to do the live chat deal and he swears he has never done it however i went on the site the other day and when the pop up came i went on it went to see if he had a acct and sure enough i but hes emal and the there it was in the drop box so i thought will maybe its one of those deals where it just comes up so i put mine in to see and nothing no drop bar i havent confront him about that one yet.....he works all day which i know is true because of his pay check so i know hes not lieing about that however there are some nights hes at work later then norm but he says its because they where all b.s. and haveing some beers together after work as far as i know everyone is male but 2 people and the 2 women that work with him will 1 is married to his boss and the other one is much older then me so i really have no worries there but i get the feeling hes not always at work because the other week we went to the tikki bar together and this was his first day off in 2 weeks he norm gets 1 day off a week so we went out got a babysitter and had date night will he knows the bar tender by name i asked him how the hell do you know her name he says because of the few other times we have gone up there he is good with names but idk......He told me that he loves me and he cant say much more then that because he doesn't have feelings anymore sence his dad died but that he does care about me and the kids he wouldnt be here if he didnt care...He also got me a promise ring for v-day it's very pretty but like i said i just dont know he swears i'm going nuts and reading way to deep into things and if i keep bugging him bout it then it might drive him to cheat on me he says he never has but i just dont know something inside me is telling me something is just not rite but what idk........No he is not the father of my kids ............He talks to his friends back home on face book that is what he says hes from wash state and he doesnt really have any friends down here in fla......maybe hes rite maybe i am reading to far into things or maybe i'm rite either im going crazy and i want to have sex with my boyfriend

March 26, 2012 - 2:02pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to hbe31)

Hi again!

Having talked with hundreds of women who have said the same thing - the tactic of making YOU feel like you're the crazy, nagging, sexually aggressive/obsessed one is pretty common. This is done to stop you from making an issue of something that really does need to be addressed. You are made to feel like the problem is you; you're crazy and sex-mad and you're the one harassing him - he is somehow the victim in all this.

Don't get engaged or married now - nothing will get better. The promise ring is just a piece of jewelry because the emotion behind it is false- and may have been given to keep you quiet for a while. Listen to your gut instinct. It's usually right. You are already beginning to believe him - that you might be a little crazy. And to think that "bugging" him will drive him to cheat? So what does that mean? You let him get away with doing what he wants so he won't cheat? He's pretty manipulative.

You are not crazy- you are perceptive and you are realizing that something isn't right. Your partner is supposed to make life better; make you feel good and happy and in love and loved in return. Look at how the tables have turned. You are in your 30s. Use your life experiences to know that you can move on without him if you have to; to know when someone is playing you and remember that you and your kids come first. Stand up for yourself - I mean this in the best possible way but be more mature and stop letting this guy run your life and your happiness. If something isn't meant to be, no amount of hoping will change it. You need to stop allowing him to decide your future; go out and make it yourself. You CAN do this!



March 27, 2012 - 9:39am
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