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Why Does my Boyfriend Watch porn and Lie?

By Anonymous September 7, 2014 - 12:22pm
 
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Issue: My boyfriend lied to me about his viewing of porn.

Underlying issue: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 1.5 years. Sexually I am a bit open. I like rough sex, biting, hair pulling, mild choking etc. My boyfriend does not naturally do these things. We have discussed it before, I have told him to do it while we were having sex, and I have talked about it multiple times while not currently in the act. He never does unless we are having sex at that moment and I say it. He only does it that once, never throughout the rest of that sex encounter. He does not initiate much sex except for morning sex. and he is not very explorative (with my body) as he once was in the beginning. He never removes my shirt. Which I am already kinda self-conscious about my breast as they are small due to having a child. ( not sagging though). I am slender at 5'5 124pds, nice shape, no visible stretch marks etc.

Upon discovering his choice of porn in the internet history, I am 100% baffled. They include "Tags" such as "forced", "rape", "hardcore", "rough", etc.

I was in total disbelief. I asked him about one page I saw on his PC and he said, " babe my computer is infected, I get all kinds of crazy pop-ups".

I left it at that. Now, I am not upset at his viewing of porn. A couple things that do upset me are
1. we see each other wed-fri due to his 3rd shift work schedule. When he comes over on Wednesday, I feel like its been 4 days with no contact he should be excited(sexually) to see me, at the very least show signs of wanting to have sex when we go to bed, my concern is that he is watching and relieving himself to much on the other days to want to.

2. He is watching porn performing things that I have expressed many many times I would like him to carry out on me, but yet he doesn't. If these things get him aroused and orgasming from porn, shouldn't they be enticing to him to perform himself on a very willing present person?
3. Why would he lie right to my face when I am positive that HE knows I know he is lying and what the truth actually is.
4. after the countless debates and subtle arguments about his sexual drive and initiation of sex, why would he continue to view porn as late as the morning of him coming over after 4 days of not seeing one another.

I do my best to keep excitement up. I buy sexy lingerie and send him pics to excited him, After also looking at his photo album on his phone yesterday, I discovered that he didn't save a single photo I sent him, but he has other images of girls, i.e 4 girls laying in a row ass up, a girl bending over showing butt and vagina, and even a doggystyle sex video! I just don't get it. (these are stock, google type images, not females through personal contact)

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Guide

Hello Anonymous,

Thank you for reaching out to us with your concern about your sexual relationship with your boyfriend, his preference of porn and that he lies about it.

It is apparent that this greatly troubles you and makes you question. I do not think it has anything to do with you.

The problem rests with your boyfriend. For some reason, he can view these acts but will not participate in them physically with you. It might be a deeply embedded fear. I do not know.

Unless he admits to his preference of porn and wants to change, I do think there is anything anyone can do.

Regards,
Maryann

September 8, 2014 - 8:56am
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