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Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

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ask: Why does my boyfriend watch porn instead of having sex with me?

By Anonymous
 
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We have been together almost a year now, when we first got together we couldnt keep our hands off each other and I still feel that way but since I got pregnant and we moved in together we barely ever have sex maybe once a week if im lucky and im pretty sure i only get it then because he knows i get sad easy i am 6 months pregnant! I found out he watches porn most mornings after I go to work and that really hurts me im carrying his child i want him to want me like i want him, not to want porn over me that makes me feel fat and ugly and useless and im not fat ugly or useless so why does porn interest him more than i do ? and i understand men are visualbut that doesnt seem to matter to him ill put on my skimpiest clothes and underwear but he barely notices i could be naked and he'd barely notice we go to bed and i present myself open and he doesnt notice he doesnt even show me the slighest bit of affection anymore in or outta the bedroom we pretty much dont even say i love you anymore and yet i crave to hear it and feel it and around the time the sex stopped so did basic communcation so i cant exactly talk to him about it he just walks away when i bring up any form of a problem really we only talk about him when it comes to casual conversation he ignores or changes the subject to his life when i bring up mine did i do something wrong i havent changed much in the past year except bein pregnant.....am i really just missing the point blank fact that he doesnt want me anymore? why wont he just say so why wont he hear what i have to say and why does he say he stillwants me around yet the only reason were still together is the child i carry cause we sure have nothing else in common anymore

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

DONT LISTEN TO ALL THIS BULL ANSWERS HERE FROM THIS PEOPLE WE ARE MANY PEOPLE ON EARTH AND HERE ARE JUST SOME IDIOTS THAT ANSWERS. They are mostly fools.. Its sad to see this answers and how sick the world is outside.

You deserve a partner that treat you the same like you treat him. I am sure that his dick would get very small if he would be in your position.

We are human beings and regardless men and women, some are not just doing it because we are into our relationship love and adore our partner, a moral thing and its just disqustiing.

SERIOUSLY here is 13 answers and we are many human beings on the planet. I am a husband and dad, and porn is an absolutley disqusting and cheating thing to do in a relationship.

To treasure my wife is the best gift god gave me and four amazing kids. To watch porn is cheating and not to look after your sex life and your partner.

To all men out there and women, that watching porn, do you not feel disqusting when watching poor people behind the screen, first you cheating on your partner for looking in another person you should be looking at your wife/girlfriend, husband/boyrfriend and thats why you are together!!! How would you feel when your girlfriend would watch other guys with a bigger dick than you or muscles and she gets orgasm of that.

You would feel useless !! and she too!! and porn is disqusting becuase it expose kids, poor self esteem people with money and drug problems.. Whitch normal person is exposing them self like this.. would you?

So its not the part of the normal is not ment to be, and for everyone saying its normal its NOT, and its many people who share this opinon and have a great exciting sex life. Because they have worked on it!

I am a trained Doctor and love my wife every single day and her beauty and i know she love me the same way back.

Work on your relationship and your sex, and not with being a cheater and watch other people you will lose your wife or your man, and the she or he will lose the sexdrive for you.

October 17, 2014 - 10:07am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm dealing with the same thing. I've been with my bf about 6 months or so. I love him and he is the first guy to ever make me orgasm. When I first caught him watching porn I tried talking to him about it, and he promised that he would stop. I thought he truly did BC he was back to wanting me all day. Things were great up until about a week ago. I went on the internet and porn sites came popping up with most visited and his data usage was over. He's been so irritated and different towards me. Instead of stopping he just hides it better. I don't know if he's cheating or bored.. I mean he looks up a specific porn stars name which really hurts. It makes me feel ugly, inferior, unwanted, and self conscious that in turn results in less sex anyway. What can I do? Or is it hopeless?

September 11, 2014 - 1:41am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

If porn is an issue, that is also something you will have to work through together too. Porn in itself is not harmful at all to many people or couples. But some men get so addicted to porn that they are unable to perform with their willing partners because pornography can really distort reality.  They cannot distinguish fantasy from reality and expect women to be howling with sexual pleasure as soon as they are touched, to have tiny waists and large breasts and to look perfect. Remember these women are photoshopped and touched up and are wearing wigs, makeup and have had plastic surgery. You cannot compete with a fantasy and you should not have to. If he refuses to give up porn and it is negatively affecting your relationship, then you need to leave the relationship.
It’s time to have an adult conversation in this adult relationship. Any relationship can be saved if both parties are willing to be honest and are willing to work through their problems. Therapy may be helpful to you. But without this, the relationship will stay as it is or get worse.  

Make a point of helping to make things better and I hope your boyfriend will work with you. If he is not interested in making any kind of changes, then the changes will have to come from you. You will have to decide if this is what you want from your life or if you want more. That will be up to you.

You cannot “fix” or change a person that does not want to be changed. You have only been in this relationship for 6 months - you shouldn't have so many problems so quickly - life should be wonderful between you!
Please keep us posted and make sure your happiness is also a priority.
Susan

September 11, 2014 - 4:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been together with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. When we first got together we had sex a lot. Now we have sex maybe once and if I'm lucky twice a day. I asked him why and all he says is I" don't need it as much anymore". I did a little snooping and found porn on his iPad, every time I've tried to talk to him about it he gets mad. It took me almost a month to be able to tell him how it made me feel like I wasn't satisfying him. He promised to not do it anymore but I saw it yet again. I brought it to his attention without yelling or raising my voice and he's like "wow you can't even trust me" how am I suppose to trust him if he just lies to me. I don't know what to do, I'm just sick of feeling this way. If I can't trust him then how are we suppose to be in a relationship? It simply won't work.

I need help!

September 3, 2014 - 12:22am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

When we first get together with a partner, sex can be very frequent but it can lessen slightly and this is natural. You said you are still having sex one to two times a day - this is a very sexually active relationship so I don't really see an issue there. You asked your boyfriend why and he said he doesn't need it as much anymore, yet is it still up to twice a day. So believe him and let it go. 

Neither of you trust each other. He is sneaking porn on his tablet and you are sneaking into his stuff to catch him. That's an awful way to be after only 6 months. 

Reevaluate what you want from this relationship and if you come to believe trust can't be found with both of you, you may need to go your separate ways. You're not going to stop him from watching porn unless he decides to stop himself. You can't change someone from who they are. 

Best,

Susan

September 4, 2014 - 5:41am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

my boyfriend used to always watch porn, he says he doesnt now, i dont believe him, but i think from watching it has made him selfish in bed, it outs me off, sometimes i think were gonna have sex and he just wants me to give him a wank, i rarely rarely finish but he always doesn, i actually think im just there to please him but darent actullay say anything to him. when i was drunk and upset i told him he was shit in bed, that just upset me but he had upset me a lot, he thought it was to do with his size, (which there is nothing wrong with) he doesnt realise its cos he doesnt try to please him, i think he thinks that women come just from penetration alone, hes nearly 30 surely he should know this isnt the case by now?

August 26, 2014 - 8:42am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My issue isn't the watching porn and jacking off my issue is when a man prefers it over having sex and tries to avoid sex but then goes right to the playing with himself and porn. If there's a healthy sex life porn is fine but when your siding and making excuses to bit have sex like sex drive is low then why the hell is he jacking off every chance he is alone. To me that makes the man a very lazy selfish lover. They don't want to have to work and please another person so they take the easy way out but those men should be single then.

August 19, 2014 - 2:03am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

But out of all the years I've dealt with this the one piece of advice I can give you is don't take it out on yourself I still best myself up asking what's so bad about me why is porn so much better to him then me I feel ugly and like there's something wrong with me but remember this he's the one with the problem he's the one who would rather use his hand and look at worn out sluts than have real sex so theres nothing wrong with you and if you confront him you can't expect he will really stop he might for a little while but he will start again and if it gets to be to much or hurts you to much then go find a real man who likes sex they all act like they do at first but you can tell with in a couple months!

August 6, 2014 - 7:00am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

That has helped heaps... thankyou!!!

August 6, 2014 - 3:13pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

That answer is great that lady gave but the problem for me isn't that he watches porn tho he has promised he wouldn't to and I've left him over it cause I said I don't mind if he does but when it inter fears with our sex life I'm going to not be okay with it and it has we went 6 months without having sex and I tried everything I could think of I cried almost every night after making an attempt to turn him on he would either move my hands off him roll over or make dumb excuse why he didn't want to but then he still has the energy to watch porn n jerk it n that's the part that makes me mad not that he does but that I feel he would rather watch porn than have sex with me it's pathetic I mean he literally went n locked himself in the bathroom last night and watched porn n what not while I was awake on the bed I hadn't showered but I did the day before and shaved everywhere hoping he'd get the hint he did but he still didn't want to have sex. We have augured over this for years now I mean I'm a 21 year old beautiful woman not to be coincided just finally to a point where I feel I'm pretty the way I am and if this doesn't stop as much as it would hurt I will probably leave or cheat as bad as that is but I need the flame back or even a spark just something I should feel so not wanted and at thus age I should be able to be as sexually active as I want just as that lady said but I don't like porn or playing with myself so what am I supposed to do he gets his whenever so why can't i!?!

August 6, 2014 - 6:53am
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