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ask: Why does my boyfriend watch porn instead of having sex with me?

By Anonymous
 
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We have been together almost a year now, when we first got together we couldnt keep our hands off each other and I still feel that way but since I got pregnant and we moved in together we barely ever have sex maybe once a week if im lucky and im pretty sure i only get it then because he knows i get sad easy i am 6 months pregnant! I found out he watches porn most mornings after I go to work and that really hurts me im carrying his child i want him to want me like i want him, not to want porn over me that makes me feel fat and ugly and useless and im not fat ugly or useless so why does porn interest him more than i do ? and i understand men are visualbut that doesnt seem to matter to him ill put on my skimpiest clothes and underwear but he barely notices i could be naked and he'd barely notice we go to bed and i present myself open and he doesnt notice he doesnt even show me the slighest bit of affection anymore in or outta the bedroom we pretty much dont even say i love you anymore and yet i crave to hear it and feel it and around the time the sex stopped so did basic communcation so i cant exactly talk to him about it he just walks away when i bring up any form of a problem really we only talk about him when it comes to casual conversation he ignores or changes the subject to his life when i bring up mine did i do something wrong i havent changed much in the past year except bein pregnant.....am i really just missing the point blank fact that he doesnt want me anymore? why wont he just say so why wont he hear what i have to say and why does he say he stillwants me around yet the only reason were still together is the child i carry cause we sure have nothing else in common anymore

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Been with my boyfriend for 2 years caught him several times on social sites with women ex girl friends etc. and also many porn sites he has gone to extreme measures to hide things on internet apps that look like they are for downloading music all types of stuff. He all ways says he loves me and he will stop, but i know in the back of my head it's only a matter of time before I catch him again our sex is good. Idk I have invested a lot into this relationship and I'm just disgusted, I feel like I'm not beautiful to him anymore I had to vent somewhere cause I'm so over it...why do I have to sneak in his things cause he can't be true to me especially when I'm true to him men & women hit on me all the time. After this relationship I'm done I just don't trust people.

November 18, 2014 - 6:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi,

Anonomys please!!

Same problem here, my boyfriend would rather wank than have sex with me.. We have a 9 month old baby girl, he has cheated twice since she'sborn and he recently came out of rehab for narcotics (he was a drug addict).. So now it look like he's addicted to porn too?? He is only 20 years old!! Please give some advice... Should I walk out of this relationship and create a new life normal & sober for myself & my daughter ..

November 18, 2014 - 11:40am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Put him outside in the cold - where dogs belong when they are bad.

November 15, 2014 - 6:04pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I've been with this guy for about 2 years. In this time he has shown how selfish he really is...many times...I would leave but I have no better place to go. I try to love him but its like this - every time I am nice to him and be happy like I want it to be with us - he does something extra stupid. I can't feel comfortable enough to have a meaningful relationship with him. His latest issue is that he can't do anything he wants to do - which this time is watch barely legal teenagers being sexually abused on the internet. And he's mad about being caught/ He's not truly sorry for how he hurt me at all. He's obsessed with naked women and especially teenage girls - my grandfather says he is rebelling like childish people do...I tend to agree....so, I put him outside and let the entire neighborhood hear what I had to say. We live in a very small town so - form now on he gets no sex, no internet use and definitely no sexual contact from me - what a disgusting idiot. Plus I made him take his bed downstairs and wont allow him in the upstairs at all - and I took away his house keys...he tried to get sympathy from his grandfather and his grandfather basically said he got what he deserved. UGH I am so angry. I can't stand dirty perverts.

November 15, 2014 - 6:12pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon! 

You took away his house keys, you put him on the street so the neighbors could hear your fight and you made him take his bed downstairs?! 

You're his mother! 

Get this person out of your house. He is who is he, stop punishing him like he's a naughty toddler - end the relationship and move on.  The fact that he is obsessed with watching teen girls being sexually abused is a massive red flag - get him out now. 

Best,

Susan

November 17, 2014 - 6:59am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

DONT LISTEN TO ALL THIS BULL ANSWERS HERE FROM THIS PEOPLE WE ARE MANY PEOPLE ON EARTH AND HERE ARE JUST SOME IDIOTS THAT ANSWERS. They are mostly fools.. Its sad to see this answers and how sick the world is outside.

You deserve a partner that treat you the same like you treat him. I am sure that his dick would get very small if he would be in your position.

We are human beings and regardless men and women, some are not just doing it because we are into our relationship love and adore our partner, a moral thing and its just disqustiing.

SERIOUSLY here is 13 answers and we are many human beings on the planet. I am a husband and dad, and porn is an absolutley disqusting and cheating thing to do in a relationship.

To treasure my wife is the best gift god gave me and four amazing kids. To watch porn is cheating and not to look after your sex life and your partner.

To all men out there and women, that watching porn, do you not feel disqusting when watching poor people behind the screen, first you cheating on your partner for looking in another person you should be looking at your wife/girlfriend, husband/boyrfriend and thats why you are together!!! How would you feel when your girlfriend would watch other guys with a bigger dick than you or muscles and she gets orgasm of that.

You would feel useless !! and she too!! and porn is disqusting becuase it expose kids, poor self esteem people with money and drug problems.. Whitch normal person is exposing them self like this.. would you?

So its not the part of the normal is not ment to be, and for everyone saying its normal its NOT, and its many people who share this opinon and have a great exciting sex life. Because they have worked on it!

I am a trained Doctor and love my wife every single day and her beauty and i know she love me the same way back.

Work on your relationship and your sex, and not with being a cheater and watch other people you will lose your wife or your man, and the she or he will lose the sexdrive for you.

October 17, 2014 - 10:07am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

First, you write horribly like an uneducated person and I hardly believe you are a doctor
Second, your arguments are full of holes which anyone with half a brain can clearly see.

Third, I am a Mensa member, my IQ is 154. I am 20 years old and I have a good relationship with a 21 year old girl. I watch porn and I am not ashamed of it at all. I can watch porn masturbate three times and then go on and have sex with my girlfriend. It is not disgusting, it is not cheating and it is certainly not hurting anybody. Live and let live. If anyone has a problem performing after a masturbation and his/her partner would like to have intercourse I recommend not masturbating at that particular time but otherwise go nuts.

In fact I am going to do it right now. I only found out about this because of a porn search :D and I am in incognito mode

November 18, 2014 - 4:48pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm dealing with the same thing. I've been with my bf about 6 months or so. I love him and he is the first guy to ever make me orgasm. When I first caught him watching porn I tried talking to him about it, and he promised that he would stop. I thought he truly did BC he was back to wanting me all day. Things were great up until about a week ago. I went on the internet and porn sites came popping up with most visited and his data usage was over. He's been so irritated and different towards me. Instead of stopping he just hides it better. I don't know if he's cheating or bored.. I mean he looks up a specific porn stars name which really hurts. It makes me feel ugly, inferior, unwanted, and self conscious that in turn results in less sex anyway. What can I do? Or is it hopeless?

September 11, 2014 - 1:41am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

If porn is an issue, that is also something you will have to work through together too. Porn in itself is not harmful at all to many people or couples. But some men get so addicted to porn that they are unable to perform with their willing partners because pornography can really distort reality.  They cannot distinguish fantasy from reality and expect women to be howling with sexual pleasure as soon as they are touched, to have tiny waists and large breasts and to look perfect. Remember these women are photoshopped and touched up and are wearing wigs, makeup and have had plastic surgery. You cannot compete with a fantasy and you should not have to. If he refuses to give up porn and it is negatively affecting your relationship, then you need to leave the relationship.
It’s time to have an adult conversation in this adult relationship. Any relationship can be saved if both parties are willing to be honest and are willing to work through their problems. Therapy may be helpful to you. But without this, the relationship will stay as it is or get worse.  

Make a point of helping to make things better and I hope your boyfriend will work with you. If he is not interested in making any kind of changes, then the changes will have to come from you. You will have to decide if this is what you want from your life or if you want more. That will be up to you.

You cannot “fix” or change a person that does not want to be changed. You have only been in this relationship for 6 months - you shouldn't have so many problems so quickly - life should be wonderful between you!
Please keep us posted and make sure your happiness is also a priority.
Susan

September 11, 2014 - 4:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I've been together with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now. When we first got together we had sex a lot. Now we have sex maybe once and if I'm lucky twice a day. I asked him why and all he says is I" don't need it as much anymore". I did a little snooping and found porn on his iPad, every time I've tried to talk to him about it he gets mad. It took me almost a month to be able to tell him how it made me feel like I wasn't satisfying him. He promised to not do it anymore but I saw it yet again. I brought it to his attention without yelling or raising my voice and he's like "wow you can't even trust me" how am I suppose to trust him if he just lies to me. I don't know what to do, I'm just sick of feeling this way. If I can't trust him then how are we suppose to be in a relationship? It simply won't work.

I need help!

September 3, 2014 - 12:22am
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