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Why does my Husband jerk off while im home, and lie about it?

By mindy102 September 29, 2010 - 8:22am
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Actually, I caught him my first time, and he lied about everything. he confessed, said sorry, but, i hear him all the time, espcially in the mornings. He moans, but he denies it. When he could be taking his horny self out on me. I love sex, and i crave it, so i dont see why he is wanting to jerk off, when he has me.
Hes absolutly Lazy! Usually after work, he comes home, and we eat dinner, then usually watch a movie. usually we rent them, but he always falls asleep, we use to sit together on the couch, but he lays down in the other one and just passes out.

If were laying in bed, and im messing with him to get him aroused, he just lays there. I litterally have to ask for sex, cuz if i dont have sex with him, he goes to option b, bathroom to jerk off. I guess hes just too lazy. Im just at a point too give up. its like hes no longer into me. The sad thing is, Ive lost 60pounds sense i had my son. (i have two kids) ive had all this weight on me sense me and him started dating. actually i was 2 months pregnant, so not quite as much weight put on me. but ive lost it all. and sadly, no affection...
If we do have sex, its graved in my mind that, i, have to be on top. If hes horny, and we mess around (which is rare) ill try getting him on top, but of course hes strong and gets me on top, then im stuck there, he dont want to do new sex moves, nothing. Just that one move the entire time. I ask him to switch it up, and he says, next time, but he says next time every time i ask. so then again, im stuck on top. Hes just too lazy to do anything, I dont have a clue waht too do...
Alot of people would say join him. but its kinda hard, when he locks himself in the bathroom, and denies it, so he pretty much kicks me to the side, as though im nothing. What should i Do???

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EmpowHER Guest

and oh yea WHY DO MEN ALL LIE???

April 24, 2016 - 4:42am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon!

All men don't lie - trust me. There are many good men out there. You either have bad luck or you're choosing the wrong ones.


April 28, 2016 - 1:27pm
EmpowHER Guest

My husband and I have been together for thirty years and did not have sex for the last 7 years..One morning i walked in and found him chatting with a online lover/ and or having a affair/ or both...I never found out...my feelings for him are almost dead. although we have sex occasionally... will never ever trust him again and usually dont believe a word he says. Not repariable for I am not allowed to discuss it..he would go into to rage which makes me think he is lieing cause he knows that I know and its just too bad..He is just there to pay the bills as he says..so i dont know what gives. Unfortnately i now take anti-depressants and cause of this he dont....

April 24, 2016 - 4:29am
EmpowHER Guest

We,ve been married 45 years and in all these years the only thing hes done was jack off. We had sex at first but he wasn't happy I only wanted sex one way, he wanted to do different things to make sex more fun. Well I didn't agree to hi request. He told me that he wasn't any longer interested in sex with me, to satisfy himself he would masturbate. He no longer associates with me and now in his own world. He is not embarassed if I see him masturbating to some porn movie.

November 18, 2015 - 2:24pm
EmpowHER Guest

Call me crazy, but maybe you should discuss it with him even if it is uncomfortable. You have received a lot of advice. Some of the advice appears to come from the emotionally scarred. Rage and lack of trust come through in the posts. If you don't address your problems directly, your feelings won't get better. Perhaps focusing on your relationship would be a better introduction to the conversation than an accusation. You are physically interested in him and want to have more intercourse. It's hard to see a bad reaction from that introduction. Being concerned that too much masturbation interferes with your sex life isn't unreasonable.

Masturbation isn't the worst thing in the world if it isn't obsessive or coupled with other addictions. How do you know? You would know. Has his personality changed dramatically? Is he withdrawn and angry? Does he interact with you and the rest of the family? If these aren't problems, then his habits probably are not out of the ordinary. Guys masturbate. They just do. The promise that was made more than 20 years ago was unfortunate. You need to realize that the promise was the mistake, not the masturbation.

Working on your relationship together is almost always good.

Good luck.

- A guy

September 19, 2015 - 4:34am
LauraC (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you for sharing a guy's perspective with me. I can't help but be jealous knowing my husband masturbates "in secret" and watches porn to get off. I can never live up to any of those acts in those porn movies, I'll never have a body that good, although I will say that I ne ear have and ne ear will say no to any form of sex... Vsginal,anal, blow jobs, hand jobs, swinging from the chandeliers, lol. I'm down for anything and everything. If he fantasizes about having sex with the women in thevporn movies, why? Why fantasize when he can have the real thing? Because I'm not pretty or sexy enough? That's the way I feel. It hurts and it's hard to get over. Just today he told me that he fantasizes about having sex with girls in the porn things he sees on the computer... I willadmit I asked him about it... I guess I shouldn't have because I can't handle the truth. Does he fantasizes about them when he's having sex with me? If so then what does he need me for? Just have your fantasy and jerk off, you do it anyway so where's the need for me? It's been so long since this first happened, about 6 months, but I'm still worried, upset, insecure and hurt by this. Now we are at the point that he's so frustrated by the topic, because I still ask questions about it every once in a while, that he gets mad and in a bad mood if ever I bring it up. I don't blame him for getting angry but how can I get over this obsession I have about it? I don't trust my husband and that's a new feeling for me. For the past 30 years I've had nothing but total confidence and trust in him. He's betrayed me by lying for such a long time and any secure feelings I had are all gone. Sometimes we are still happy together but occasionally it's just an act on my part. I want my old life back when my husband and I were a team and on the same side, that's gone now. If he would have told me sooner and not waited 30 years to tell me, I would have been upset but it would have been easier to get over because I wouldn't have been fooled and deceived by the person I love with all my heart. Why do you, as a guy, think he waited so long to tell me? And why do you think he even told me about it in the first place, after 30 years? To hurt me, to punish me for some reason? I asked him if he told me because he felt guilty about fooling me for so long and he said no. I feel like finding a sexy man to fantasize about for me, Maybe I should search the Internet like he did. I hate this! I feel like such a fool. Btw, if you were actually talking to me in your post, which I hope, please refer to me as Laura from now on as there are too many "anonymous" users and it gets confusing about who's talking to whom. Thank you so much for your help!

February 15, 2016 - 7:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to LauraC)

hi lauraC
I am absolutely shocked reading your comments, I cant understand why he seems to prefer masturbating by himself to porn when he has you!
Looking at your picture, you are an attractive lady, and the fact that you will try anything at any time should float his boat! All I know is that if i had the chance to be with you I would not feel the need to do porn ever again !

Sorry I can't offer any advice, I'm just confused as you probably are.


April 28, 2016 - 8:48am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to LauraC)

As a guy you just get tired of hagen daas vanilla all the time. When it fails to work properly its worrisome. Am i getting old? Is it E.D.? I'm too young to be mpotent. So we move on, in our minds, to see if and what makes us feel virile again. You try strawberry, chocolate, basken robbins, even a drumstick from back in the day. His favorite is prob still hagen daas vanilla but our brain seeks variety to function.

March 20, 2016 - 11:53am
Laura901 (reply to Anonymous)

Our sex life has always been great. In the past 7 years or so he has been too tired to have sex with m a lot because his job is very stressful and tiring. But I am always ready willing and able all the time. I feel frustrated because it seems I'm always in the mood and he's just not! The thought of him jerking off instead when I want it and I've been waiting for it upsets me. I'm a very sexual woman and sex is an important aspect in a relationship so I feel it should be a healthy part of an successful relationship. At this point it's mainly the fact that my husband lied to me... And for 30 years that's upsetting me the most!

March 21, 2016 - 8:12am
EmpowHER Guest

I've been with my husband for 12 years I've been by his side since we were 15 years I was so madly in love with him when I was 17 I got pregnant we were scared but tried to make the best of it. We excepted the fact we were gonna be parents it never really crossed our minds if we were gonna be together forever. I went into premature labor 5 months pregnant doctors didn't want to do anything further for me or my baby and had to let him go. Life was hard for us it put a small wedge between us but not a huge deal breaker. We got through it. Life was getting better. When we were 21 we got married i was so happy I felt like I was on cloud 9 just so beautiful. A couple months go by and I find out I'm pregnant I'm scared he's scared. My doctor recommends me to not have sexual contact with my husband until the baby was born. To prevent myself from going into early labor. Which I knew it was something I had to do. It was so hard at some times. I would walk in and find my husband master bating and developing a porn addiction. It would hurt my feelings because I was hormonal and wanted to be desired by my husband. I knew it wouldn't be long before I would be holding my baby and life would get back to normal for me and my husband. It hasn't he still likes to look at porn and master bate by himself. Never wants any sort of physical contact with me. Sometimes he wants to talk to me and how everything is my fault and my feelings don't matter. He likes to take our 5 year daughter on dates just him and her he doesn't want to include me. She notices this behavior between me and her dad. She likes to be with me more. I miss her so much i always have to work and he gets to be home with her most of the time. Because he works 3 days a week 12 hr shifts. We go months without any sex. It affects me because I am a very attractive women. I just wish the man I married would own up to it and try to make me happy. I feel like giving up! So I understand how you feel.

September 7, 2015 - 4:37pm
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