Facebook Pixel
Q: 

Why does my Husband jerk off while im home, and lie about it?

By September 29, 2010 - 8:22am
 
Rate This

Actually, I caught him my first time, and he lied about everything. he confessed, said sorry, but, i hear him all the time, espcially in the mornings. He moans, but he denies it. When he could be taking his horny self out on me. I love sex, and i crave it, so i dont see why he is wanting to jerk off, when he has me.
Hes absolutly Lazy! Usually after work, he comes home, and we eat dinner, then usually watch a movie. usually we rent them, but he always falls asleep, we use to sit together on the couch, but he lays down in the other one and just passes out.

If were laying in bed, and im messing with him to get him aroused, he just lays there. I litterally have to ask for sex, cuz if i dont have sex with him, he goes to option b, bathroom to jerk off. I guess hes just too lazy. Im just at a point too give up. its like hes no longer into me. The sad thing is, Ive lost 60pounds sense i had my son. (i have two kids) ive had all this weight on me sense me and him started dating. actually i was 2 months pregnant, so not quite as much weight put on me. but ive lost it all. and sadly, no affection...
If we do have sex, its graved in my mind that, i, have to be on top. If hes horny, and we mess around (which is rare) ill try getting him on top, but of course hes strong and gets me on top, then im stuck there, he dont want to do new sex moves, nothing. Just that one move the entire time. I ask him to switch it up, and he says, next time, but he says next time every time i ask. so then again, im stuck on top. Hes just too lazy to do anything, I dont have a clue waht too do...
Alot of people would say join him. but its kinda hard, when he locks himself in the bathroom, and denies it, so he pretty much kicks me to the side, as though im nothing. What should i Do???

Add a Comment110 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Take it from me.. im a guy that jerks off when im in a relationship. I dont lie if i get caught tho. Here are 3 main reasons a guy would rather do it himself..

a: you dont do it for him.. this could mean you suck at sex... could mean you dont make it hard.. or any combination of the 2.

B : you turn him on but you make it too much work... maybe its too much of a routine where he has to hold and cuddle and rub your back and act like he accidentally touched you there.. then it takes 45 minutes to even get it wet but he has 7 minutes to get ready fir work.. this over time becomes a turn off. The sex may be great... but yiu have to make it ok to just roll over and start poking you if hes up for a quick morning nut.

C: this is common as well.. you dont cum fast or he has to do something special to make u cum. Again in the morning he just wants to blow and go. Maybe hes uncomfortable with pounding one out from behind you and leaving you un satisfied.

Those the 3 reasons i personally would take care of it myself rather than try to have sex. Too much work. No sex skills. Just in a hurry and dont want to involve the time it takes to do you right.

June 10, 2017 - 7:12am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Just lol. From a girl who is on her side. He jerks and denies it. I love sex. Bjs. Oral. I always try to change it up so it's not boring. But still .....
I try. He doesn't. Simple as that. Because of that... feelings change ...

June 14, 2017 - 11:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

take the bathroom door off that's exactly what I did (Hahaha) & now I can see & hear everything ( of course he was mad as HELL....but eventually he got over it

April 17, 2017 - 3:20am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have a similar problem.... Kind of.... My fiancé keeps trying to get me to have sex for the past month and I just havent wanted to. My health has taken a serious turn and I feel so fatigued during the day that I have to lay down during the day. I cry a lot because I feel useless and im always in pain. My back hurts so bad that I can't stand for longer than 5mins. It even hurts when we are intimate and I bleed quite a bit after. He gets mad when I refuse him and acts like when I refuse him, its an excuse to go jerk off. I feel stupid because I thought he wouldn't jerk off because I already expressed to him how awful it makes me feel when he jerks off to porn. It makes me feel like im not enough for him. I thought that since im sick that he would just wait until im better but this morning I was washing my bedding and found his clothing hidden under the bed that Hes been jerking off into. I pulled it out and left it out so he knows that I know. He didn't say anything. Just started cleaning everything.... Why does he jerk off every time I turn around??? I feel so horrible.... Then I feel horrible about feeling horrible. :*(

April 5, 2017 - 11:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

It looks like a classic example of sexual addiction. Now you are wondering how it can be sexual addiction when he is refusing sex with you. Well, that is what sex addicts do. Please google websites about sex addiction. Additionally, you might find a stack of porn magazines, porn websites and other pornographic material on his computer. Sex addiction is a serious problem and needs to be addressed most seriously so please research the topic thorougly and see if you are dealing with it. Good luck.

January 2, 2017 - 11:19am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I masterbate a lot and have a high sex drive so does my wife hers is higher than mine actually but she is always angry and that pushes me away more than anything. When she is in a good mood for a day or two we have lots of sex and even do taboo things at the spur of the moment, but the minute she gets mad or throws a fit we don't have sex for a week or two and I start masterbateing whenever I get the chance. So my advice would be maybe try staying in a good mood and do some erotic stuff for him like oral sex or something you would normally deny him and see if things change. Just my two cents hope it works out for you two sexual satisfaction is very important in a marriage

November 13, 2016 - 7:51pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I just feel mad like really im right here let me set up the scence let me say what you want to hear im more than willing to play the part he needs and wants i just feel rejected when he does that it make me feel like he dont need me

October 17, 2016 - 8:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My wife caught me today and I feel ashamed as well. I have yet to talk to her about it.

The truth is has absolutely zero to do with her.

Most men just need a release sometimes. Guys can finish themselves off in under a minute given the right stimuli. Granted a quickie can be had between husband and wife but for the most part it is a selfish act that we feel is best suited for us to handle ourselves.

There is no need to tidy up, grab a condom, foreplay, etc.

September 28, 2016 - 8:50am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Sharing is everything in marriage. The bigger issues you all have is sharing, not masturbation itself. I was addicted masturbator myself a shy young man who lived alone with his mom till his yearly twenty's. My wife is my first and only love. I took her like a present in life. Initially i tried to leave this addiction outside marriage but the difference in our libido was too high. For her once a month is well enough and she is more than happy. The funny part is that i always felt guilt about masturbation and felt like a pervert for doing it ,cause i was under christian religion influence. It bothered me a lot and i found a strenght to tell my wife about it . She accepted it ,cause she knew that our sex life is not enough for me. She told me i can do it in private whenever i feel the urge. I did it a couple of times but i felt even worse. I couldn't even cum at ease, it was like a torture , and it felt like cheating. I talked to her again about my issues and told her that i realy can't cum and i feel bad masturbating on my own without her knowing or participating. I asked her to do it each time with her permission and in her presence.She was very puzzled ,i had to explain my issues with religion and my past masturbation habits i told her everything .I even confessed her that my mom was invading my personal space entering the bathroom and giving me showers till i was 18 years old .That mom was naked in the shower with me , washing my private parts and i had erections . Mom told me about masturbation when i hit 16. But she did not approved it , only as an extreme mesure. By invading numerous times my privacy she called me a pervert for masturbating. TIll one day a stood by her crying and told my mom that i can't hold my erection while she washes me and not to call me pervert because i feel really bad about it . Somehow mom believed me and told me not to feel ashame and to masturbate if i want to right next to her while she watched .That became great fetish for me,to be allowed to masturbate in the presence of a woman . It washed away the guilt and the sin somehow. I told my wife that after a few times i never ever masturbated again in front of my mom ,cause i felt it was wrong even though she encouraged it. My wife felt sorry for me and told me that i am a victim of sexual abuse . But she got the picture. She agreed that i could masturbate in front of her with her permission. With time she got really used to . But first every time i ask her if she wants to have full sex with me. It turns out she doesn't like penetrative sex very much but she is in masturbation too. She likes to watch me verry much by now and she often lets me do her oral or to masturbate her . She lets me use a porn and know all my fetishes too wich is big beautiful women who look like her . My wife know i adore her ,she is my goddess and i'll never trade her for anyone else. We are both extremely happy we are about to get second child and these masturbation sessions brought us very close . She is not so shy anymore and opens more and more in the sex field . I hope my expirience will contribute. You see the secret of a happy marriage is talking to each -other and sharing no matter what constantly

September 7, 2016 - 6:05am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

As someone who just got caught doing the deed today I suggest that you not take it as something against you other than his needs aren't being met. My wife caught me today and honestly the only reason I wasn't making it with her instead is because she's angry a lot of the time and I don't feel she wants it; her anger pushes me away. Other than that I'm jerking off to things she refuses to do. I can't enjoy when she does dabble in giving a BJ because she absolutely hates it; I have to go down there for her to climax **every time** but she doesn't enjoy or want to reciprocate. Most of the time I'm jerking off imaging things I want that she wont ever do. I'm not cheating on her and never will...it's a relationship between me and my hand... I'm just curbing a need and I hate that I have to do it. I'm ashamed that I have to do it to meet my own needs and she's disgusted by it.
I guess my point for you is to do one of two things; 1) don't take it personally because he's just meeting his own needs unless 2) you could be doing something to prevent it or if he's doing other things like ogling other women/etc. If he's jerking off next to you it means that he's horny, he doesn't feel like you're approachable about it, and his needs haven't been met. I'm speaking for myself since I don't know your man (for all I know he could have a sex addiction or something) but just saying that what it means to you might not be what it means to him.

August 22, 2016 - 7:27pm
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy
Add a Comment

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Resource Centers

Sex & Relationships Guide

HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!