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Why does my Husband jerk off while im home, and lie about it?

By September 29, 2010 - 8:22am
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Actually, I caught him my first time, and he lied about everything. he confessed, said sorry, but, i hear him all the time, espcially in the mornings. He moans, but he denies it. When he could be taking his horny self out on me. I love sex, and i crave it, so i dont see why he is wanting to jerk off, when he has me.
Hes absolutly Lazy! Usually after work, he comes home, and we eat dinner, then usually watch a movie. usually we rent them, but he always falls asleep, we use to sit together on the couch, but he lays down in the other one and just passes out.

If were laying in bed, and im messing with him to get him aroused, he just lays there. I litterally have to ask for sex, cuz if i dont have sex with him, he goes to option b, bathroom to jerk off. I guess hes just too lazy. Im just at a point too give up. its like hes no longer into me. The sad thing is, Ive lost 60pounds sense i had my son. (i have two kids) ive had all this weight on me sense me and him started dating. actually i was 2 months pregnant, so not quite as much weight put on me. but ive lost it all. and sadly, no affection...
If we do have sex, its graved in my mind that, i, have to be on top. If hes horny, and we mess around (which is rare) ill try getting him on top, but of course hes strong and gets me on top, then im stuck there, he dont want to do new sex moves, nothing. Just that one move the entire time. I ask him to switch it up, and he says, next time, but he says next time every time i ask. so then again, im stuck on top. Hes just too lazy to do anything, I dont have a clue waht too do...
Alot of people would say join him. but its kinda hard, when he locks himself in the bathroom, and denies it, so he pretty much kicks me to the side, as though im nothing. What should i Do???

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EmpowHER Guest

I just feel mad like really im right here let me set up the scence let me say what you want to hear im more than willing to play the part he needs and wants i just feel rejected when he does that it make me feel like he dont need me

October 17, 2016 - 8:31am
EmpowHER Guest

My wife caught me today and I feel ashamed as well. I have yet to talk to her about it.

The truth is has absolutely zero to do with her.

Most men just need a release sometimes. Guys can finish themselves off in under a minute given the right stimuli. Granted a quickie can be had between husband and wife but for the most part it is a selfish act that we feel is best suited for us to handle ourselves.

There is no need to tidy up, grab a condom, foreplay, etc.

September 28, 2016 - 8:50am
EmpowHER Guest

Sharing is everything in marriage. The bigger issues you all have is sharing, not masturbation itself. I was addicted masturbator myself a shy young man who lived alone with his mom till his yearly twenty's. My wife is my first and only love. I took her like a present in life. Initially i tried to leave this addiction outside marriage but the difference in our libido was too high. For her once a month is well enough and she is more than happy. The funny part is that i always felt guilt about masturbation and felt like a pervert for doing it ,cause i was under christian religion influence. It bothered me a lot and i found a strenght to tell my wife about it . She accepted it ,cause she knew that our sex life is not enough for me. She told me i can do it in private whenever i feel the urge. I did it a couple of times but i felt even worse. I couldn't even cum at ease, it was like a torture , and it felt like cheating. I talked to her again about my issues and told her that i realy can't cum and i feel bad masturbating on my own without her knowing or participating. I asked her to do it each time with her permission and in her presence.She was very puzzled ,i had to explain my issues with religion and my past masturbation habits i told her everything .I even confessed her that my mom was invading my personal space entering the bathroom and giving me showers till i was 18 years old .That mom was naked in the shower with me , washing my private parts and i had erections . Mom told me about masturbation when i hit 16. But she did not approved it , only as an extreme mesure. By invading numerous times my privacy she called me a pervert for masturbating. TIll one day a stood by her crying and told my mom that i can't hold my erection while she washes me and not to call me pervert because i feel really bad about it . Somehow mom believed me and told me not to feel ashame and to masturbate if i want to right next to her while she watched .That became great fetish for me,to be allowed to masturbate in the presence of a woman . It washed away the guilt and the sin somehow. I told my wife that after a few times i never ever masturbated again in front of my mom ,cause i felt it was wrong even though she encouraged it. My wife felt sorry for me and told me that i am a victim of sexual abuse . But she got the picture. She agreed that i could masturbate in front of her with her permission. With time she got really used to . But first every time i ask her if she wants to have full sex with me. It turns out she doesn't like penetrative sex very much but she is in masturbation too. She likes to watch me verry much by now and she often lets me do her oral or to masturbate her . She lets me use a porn and know all my fetishes too wich is big beautiful women who look like her . My wife know i adore her ,she is my goddess and i'll never trade her for anyone else. We are both extremely happy we are about to get second child and these masturbation sessions brought us very close . She is not so shy anymore and opens more and more in the sex field . I hope my expirience will contribute. You see the secret of a happy marriage is talking to each -other and sharing no matter what constantly

September 7, 2016 - 6:05am
EmpowHER Guest

As someone who just got caught doing the deed today I suggest that you not take it as something against you other than his needs aren't being met. My wife caught me today and honestly the only reason I wasn't making it with her instead is because she's angry a lot of the time and I don't feel she wants it; her anger pushes me away. Other than that I'm jerking off to things she refuses to do. I can't enjoy when she does dabble in giving a BJ because she absolutely hates it; I have to go down there for her to climax **every time** but she doesn't enjoy or want to reciprocate. Most of the time I'm jerking off imaging things I want that she wont ever do. I'm not cheating on her and never will...it's a relationship between me and my hand... I'm just curbing a need and I hate that I have to do it. I'm ashamed that I have to do it to meet my own needs and she's disgusted by it.
I guess my point for you is to do one of two things; 1) don't take it personally because he's just meeting his own needs unless 2) you could be doing something to prevent it or if he's doing other things like ogling other women/etc. If he's jerking off next to you it means that he's horny, he doesn't feel like you're approachable about it, and his needs haven't been met. I'm speaking for myself since I don't know your man (for all I know he could have a sex addiction or something) but just saying that what it means to you might not be what it means to him.

August 22, 2016 - 7:27pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Thank you for sharing your perspective from a mans point of view. Actually my husband did talk about feeling "ashamed" othat he masturbated and that's part of the reason he didn't tell me. He knows it is a big turn on for me to watch him masturbate but he claims to only do it when he Is horny and I'm not home. I think he just wants to be in his own fantasy world when he does that and there's no room for me there. He knows I like watching porn too and we used to watch it together but he hasn't wanted to watch it in years. If he's watching lesbians or people having sex as he claims to, it would turn me on watching him masturbatecto that stuff... that stuff makes me horny too! He also told me he's masturbated when I'm not home because he's bored. What is that? If he makes himself "in the mood" just because he's bored I can give him a list of household chores to do to occupy his time! I would love it if he called me and told me to come home right away because he wants me and needs to touch me and have sex with me... again another turn on for me. It doesn't take much to get me going and he knows that... do everything and he knows that. So where am I going wrong?

September 27, 2016 - 11:39am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

I'm so sorry that you aren't "taking care of". Maybe you should talk to her about it. How come she doesn't like to reciprocate? Maybe you should be with someone else. I love to do it ;)


September 27, 2016 - 6:03am
(reply to Anonymous)

I forgot to mention that it's a big turn on for me to watch my husband jerk off. I do anything and everything sexuakky for him, I'll even swing from the chandeliers if he wanted me to so I don't understand what the problem is. If it is a need for men to do it then he should never have lied to me about it. I thought men only needed to jerk off when they weren't having sex, but my husband can have it 24/7 if he wants!

August 23, 2016 - 8:25pm
(reply to Anonymous)

That's an interesting perspective. It's good to hear a mans point of view. In my case, I give my husband anything he wants and whenever he wants it! In the 32 years we have known each other (we met as kids) I have never said no to sex. I am "proud" of the fact that I never refused my husband when he wants sex and that is why I feel the need/urge to jerk off shouldn't effect him. Whenever I asked him about jerking off he said he Never does it. Then when I found out that he does it, He claimed to only do it when I'm not home and that it's not that often. He said it was worse when he was younger but it's the fact that whenever I asked him he lied to me about it. That hurts the most

August 23, 2016 - 8:18pm
EmpowHER Guest

Maybe he's in the same boat as many other men, that just get tired of doing all the initiation of it. My girl used to have a sex drive, and with me being the older of us, her's died. So I jack off. Better then going out to find it. When she wants it, oh well, I am satisfied already so deal with it. And now she bitches that we dont do it enough since she found out. Well, maybe she should of thought that it is a 2 way street in a relationship. Just because you own the pussy you got, dont mean ya make the rules.

June 25, 2016 - 11:46am
EmpowHER Guest

and oh yea WHY DO MEN ALL LIE???

April 24, 2016 - 4:42am
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