Hide This

FREEHER HealthToolkit

HER Health Toolkit

Sign up for EmpowHER updates and you'll receive our
FREE HER Health Toolkit

Sex & Relationships

Get Email Updates

Sex & Relationships Guide

Susan Cody HERWriter Guide

Have a question? We're here to help. Ask the Community.

ASK

Health Newsletter

Receive the latest and greatest in women's health and wellness from EmpowHER - for free!

ask: Why does my Husband jerk off while im home, and lie about it?

By mindy102
 
Rate This

Actually, I caught him my first time, and he lied about everything. he confessed, said sorry, but, i hear him all the time, espcially in the mornings. He moans, but he denies it. When he could be taking his horny self out on me. I love sex, and i crave it, so i dont see why he is wanting to jerk off, when he has me.
Hes absolutly Lazy! Usually after work, he comes home, and we eat dinner, then usually watch a movie. usually we rent them, but he always falls asleep, we use to sit together on the couch, but he lays down in the other one and just passes out.

If were laying in bed, and im messing with him to get him aroused, he just lays there. I litterally have to ask for sex, cuz if i dont have sex with him, he goes to option b, bathroom to jerk off. I guess hes just too lazy. Im just at a point too give up. its like hes no longer into me. The sad thing is, Ive lost 60pounds sense i had my son. (i have two kids) ive had all this weight on me sense me and him started dating. actually i was 2 months pregnant, so not quite as much weight put on me. but ive lost it all. and sadly, no affection...
If we do have sex, its graved in my mind that, i, have to be on top. If hes horny, and we mess around (which is rare) ill try getting him on top, but of course hes strong and gets me on top, then im stuck there, he dont want to do new sex moves, nothing. Just that one move the entire time. I ask him to switch it up, and he says, next time, but he says next time every time i ask. so then again, im stuck on top. Hes just too lazy to do anything, I dont have a clue waht too do...
Alot of people would say join him. but its kinda hard, when he locks himself in the bathroom, and denies it, so he pretty much kicks me to the side, as though im nothing. What should i Do???

Add a Comment16 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

My wife and I have been married for 8 years the reason why I jerk off to porn is because I have mostly lost interest in having sex with my wife for a few reasons. I known my reasons may sound shallow but it's honestly how I feel. We have talked about our sex life in the past of what we both want but, all of the things that I expressed that I want she will not do. My wife does not give blowjobs, does not shave or trim her vagina, does not douche or take a shower before sex, does not wear make up or dress sexy, does not wear purfume, she is not into trying new things, I would like her and I to watch a porn movie together to see what happens. And lastly I would like her to loose some weight because on the few times that we have sex and she rides me it hurts me. Of course if she ever decides to give blows jobs i would like it to be to completion. Does any of this sound unreasonable or too extreme ?

November 28, 2013 - 9:46am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

Firstly - we're a health website and I will tell you that douching is very bad for a women's reproductive health - I just had to get that out of the way!

Secondly,  everyone someone says here on these topics is a matter of opinion and choice.You have your opinions and your wife will have hers.

I do believe that people should be nicely bathed or showered before sex and that we should take care of our bodies in terms of grooming and cleanliness. I do understand that excess weight can also encumber sex. Some of us are girlie girls who love to use lotions and potions in the bath and do our makeup and hair everyday. Some of us don't give a toss about that which is fine but when you're married, it's not all about you anymore.

One thing to note is that I had several female friends who stopped all personal care in order to avoid any kind of sexual activity. They wanted to turn off their husbands. I'm wondering if this is the case with your wife, that for some reason she no longer wants sex either with you or in general.

I wonder if that could be a factor. Have you talked to her about this?

What are you offering her, besides sex? Are you offering her kindness and a lot of fun and a couple nights out and making her feel really good about herself? She may be really down on herself or feeling some kind of depression over her weight.  There could be something deeper going here than just blowjobs and not getting a bikini wax (I don't mean this in a facetious way) but I think it might be deeper.

Will you have a chat with her about what's going on inside and not just outside?

I do think you have valid points by the way. I don't like that bait-and-switch tactic of being so full of self-care before marriage and then just letting it all go. I know we have jobs and babies and the like but it doesn't take a lot to pretty up and it's even more important for her to do it for HER as well as you.

What do you think?

Susan

December 5, 2013 - 12:14pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Maybe its because your ugly?

September 9, 2011 - 9:39pm
natalia6 (reply to Anonymous)

Yeah, yeah, have you heard the saying who spits ups it falls right back on you, get a life and goes waste your stupid words somewhere else, seem little bored, hmmmmmm?

September 9, 2011 - 10:31pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hello, I am a married women with five kids, me and my hubby have had our ups and downs in our relationship. Recently we get along real well but we hardly ever have sex. It roughly about once or twice a month. I was really hurt yesterday when I saw him jacking off in the shower when he could've invited me or have sex with me being it almost been a month. There are nights where I always try to hint that I want but he don't give, and there nights he wants and I get so sick of waiting by the time he asks I not in the mood. I love him dearly and we get along great bug our sex life is horrible. I caught him yesterday and after he saw me devastated he asked me Tl take a walk to talk, he said he felt bad and cried. He told me he felt the mood because I never offer or make the moves so he figured why ask. I told him I felt the same way that I always try to tell him. He said he felt he never had enough time for me and wants to look for another job. I feel like I not the wife I should be, what should I do?

August 19, 2011 - 11:38am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post!

I think your issues have a lot less to do with masturbation than a lack of communication between you (neither of you feeling that the other wants sex, yet each of you do) and not spending enough time together.

With his job and your job as a mother to five children, it's not surprising that this is the case.

Depending on what he does for a living, now may not be the best time to look for another job (although if he did get one, it may really help). There are ways you can set aside time to spend with just the two of you.

Do you have a babysitter or a family member who could help out in order to give you time off once a week? Even 2- 3 hours might really help. How old is your oldest child? Could he or she babysit for you and in turn earn some money?

The positive things in your life are that you both love each other and get along very well. But why do you "hint" that you may want sex? Why not be adventurous and take things into you own hands (literally!). Sometimes men like women to make the first move (no hints, just do it!) so that they don't feel like they want it and you're only doing things out of obligation. Be more proactive in bed and I promise you he'll jump right in!

Also, can you explan about his job a bit more? To suddenly cry like that and announce he doens't want his job anymore sounds a bit serious. Did you know this already? Do you think he's under a lot of stress?

Anon, your relationship is not on the rocks at all - you're both just stuck. Time and great communication can help.

I hope to hear back from you soon!
~Susan

August 19, 2011 - 1:18pm
natalia6 (reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks for answering back. I will try that and I did yesterday in the shower, however we just bought a house and he been at his new job for a year now. He works at a car lot and he likes his job it just he works more hours mon thru fri 7 to 6 and sat 7 to 12. He feels he not at home enough to be a dad and hubby, I tell him it ok. I am a fulltime student and usually have to be incharge of all the kids. He has always not been affectionate and I understand, but I tried yesterday in the shower and he wasn't in the mood probably cuz he just ate. I did not know how he felt about his job, his previous job he was there ten years and he had a less hectic schedule. My daughter is 13 and she a great babysitter just sometimes I get scared for my little one she is two. I know it has to do with the kids that we have less sex but before we had it all the time.

August 22, 2011 - 9:34am
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to natalia6)

Hi again natalia6

Thanks for your update!

Your husband's hours are quite long - my husband is about the same and it's hard to fit everything in, esp. with a toddler in tow. Sometimes some things take precedence over others.

It's horrible to hate your job so this, compounded by the long hours, isn't going to help. Does he see any end to his hectic schedule? What do you do on Sundays? That day for us is generally family day (that we don't share with others) and we have a family dinner every Sunday night. Try to make one day for family only and perhaps the other half for just the two of you. It's going to be give-and-take and it won't work all the time but if you stop connecting, you'll see yourselves growing further apart.

I hope this helps and I know once you muddle your way through these difficult times that things will smooth out for you!
Best,
~Susan

August 22, 2011 - 12:34pm
natalia6 (reply to Susan Cody)

Thanks I will try hard and hope things become stronger. I will put more effort and be more affectionate to him because I do love home greatly he my everything. Thanks for your opinions and it helped greatly.

August 22, 2011 - 1:25pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Mindy,
Look inside for your answers, or scroll up and read your posts. You know how you feel. If it's truly intolerable, do something about it. If you really want to discuss it... ask if he'll set an appointment time to have a talk about your relationship. You might find he'll agree, and will come to the table with his own grievances concerning you as well, and a lot sooner than you might have expected. Just posing the question to set the appointment will usually bring about the conversation immediately. At lot of his reaction will be based upon your delivery. Scorn will get you nowhere... so put down the mask... be not afraid to show him your true heart, and entrust him with it if you so choose. Trust in your heart... and know that doing so will bring you the answers you need.

November 8, 2010 - 2:28am
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
By submitting this form, you agree to EmpowHER's terms of service and privacy policy

All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.

Improved

1774 Health

Changed

680 Lives

Saved

535 Lives
9 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More

Take Our Featured Health Poll

Need Your Feedback! What health topics would you like to see covered more on EmpowHER.com?:
View Results