Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. Our relationship was very hit the ground running, we were friends for a year and then started dating and we were extremely serious within a few weeks. The 'L word" was dropped after 2 weeks. We spent a lot of our free time together and rarely spent the nights apart. We both knew that this was 'it'. I also lost my virginity to him. Of course, every relationship has its hard times, I did end up getting pregnant after a year, and now we have a gorgeous one year old. My boyfriend did a lot of growing up, ( we are both 23) and is am amazing dad, and has done everything he has to provide for our family as well as develop relationships with my family. I have no complaints in that area.
Over the past year, I have confronted him about this at least twice before. My last few months of pregnancy I was on bed-rest with a strict no sex rule, and after that, it just never picked up. I gained a bit of weight (which I have lost...) and so did he, however, he never lost it . When talk to him he says he is self conscious and just doesn't think about it, says he might have a testosterone deficiency. He says why is it up to him to initiate? Why can't I, and I said it was because I was afraid of getting shut down. So I started to initiate more. And things got better. For a few months. But here we are again! I don't know what his excuse is now. Last month, he turned me down twice. And now , it has been a month since we last had sex. And last month, I came back from my parents and found a 'dirty' sock beside our bed. I made a joke about it and he said that hes not gonna lie that he does it. So why does he masturbate when I am totally available to have sex with! And its not like I am not open to new ideas!! And I notice when we DO, it is all about him... if you catch my drift. He used to text me and tell me how much he loved me and we would cuddle all the time... he would come up behind me in the kitchen and hug me, and when we kissed goodbye it was more of a kiss than a requirement. We do have fun together still, we get along great, enjoy spending time together, and rarely fight (we bicker sometimes, but harmlessly), and we do cuddle every night on the couch. But its just not the same as it used to be. :(
I am just at my wits end. I love him, and I love what a good father he is, but I don't know what to do. We plan on getting married sometime in the near future, but to be honest, I don't know if I could spend the rest of my life like this! I am hurting so bad, and I want it to go back to the way it used to be! At least a little bit.
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